Egg trauma...The struggle is real

Eggs are harmless little objects...I mean in their raw state they just sort of sit in their little eggy holders being eggy and, well I guess quite, unobtrusive, guiltless and generally just eggy. I mean when was the last time you heard about a rowdy, obnoxious, boisterous or unruly egg? That's right...Never. So, we agree that eggs are indeed innocuous. There could be exceptions...Like if said egg contains a T-Rex and it hatched and ate you in a single gulp...But that's unlikely. Yep, agreed...Eggs are unobjectionable.

How then, you may ask, did I manage to have a traumatic egg incident yesterday morning?

We lead busy lives, my wife and I, and so like to be as organised as possible for the working week. We're usually up around 6am, take a brisk walk and then head off to our jobs around 8am after the typical morning routine of showering, dressing and breakfasting. I think we're not different to many people in this way.

We always have a stock of on-the-go food, healthy options we can just grab and eat on the go or take to work and eat. It saves time and ensures a relatively healthy diet. One of our go-to options is hard boiled eggs. Yep, that harmless little ovoid package of eggy goodness that got pooped out of a chickens ass. Hmm, doesn't make it sound very appetising but they are in fact very nutritious and with only about 1.1 grams of carbohydrates they work well for my low-carb ethos.

My wife boils up a carton of eggs every so often. Yeah I know, I should do it myself but she is just so bloody good at it I don't have the heart to take the pleasure away from her. Besides, she isn't much of a cook so who am I to take away one of her signature dishes?! 😆 Anyway, she replaces the boiled eggs into the carton and we basically grab one or two when required. It all sounds legit so far right?

Yesterday, the infamous day of the traumatic egg incident...I jumped in the car fully egged-up with two eggs from the carton bumping away in their container resting in the centre console. I arrived at work, took my park and headed into my personal office after grinding up some coffee in the kitchen. All good so far.

I turned on the computer and started flicking through emails at about 8:20am and also decided it was time to crack some eggs and have my on-the-go breakfast. Whilst reading an email I reached over, grabbed and egg and cracked it on the desk top to break into the shell. I peeled (shelled?) the little googy and applied some salt and pepper from my tricky little shaker kept secreted in one of draws then got busy consuming the little bugger. This is where things take a sinister turn...

Reaching for the second egg, still reading emails, I cracked it on the edge of my desk and...Hang on, let me compose myself...Oh, the trauma in recalling the events...I cracked it on the desk and...[sob]...The little fucker was not hard boiled! There, I said it! Needless to say...egg went everywhere in my lovely office, my lovely carpeted office. Talk about traumatic! Runny, gooey, yolky egg glooping everywhere!

Now, you know I can swear with the best of them but yesterday I outshone my former efforts stringing together a phrase of swear words that eclipsed any before...Truly a work of art really. It didn't help though as albumen and squished yolk oozed off my desk onto the floor mocking me with it's gloopiness, it seemed to say, "screw you AND your desk, and floor, and chair... Buddy!"

I raced off to the kitchen to grab a roll of paper towels and started mopping up, cleaning and wiping, swearing all the while. I considered calling in a HAZMAT team but in the end got it all cleaned up and sat back down at my desk to take stock of the situation. That's when my analytical mind started piecing together the chain of events leading to the incident like some sort of air crash investigator. It didn't matter which way I looked at the evidence though, it all pointed to...My wife! Damn her! Yep, it was ALL her fault I figured. Looking back that was probably wrong, but at the time...Well, it CERTAINLY wasn't my fault!

There was nothing to do but make the call...And so I did. I got about half way through the story before she burst into laughter...That didn't help my mood. She managed to control it after I hung up on her and called back 5 minutes later...Then she admitted to only hard boiling one half of the carton. Who even does that? My next question revolved around why then she would put them back into the same carton. There was, of course, no answer forthcoming.

So, no real compassion there...Just laughter. Thanks wife.

A couple of hours later I was having a quick chat with @honeydue and considering I had cooled down a little I decided to tell her about it and that I would write this post. Her response...And I quote:

"Oh my god 😂 😂 😂 that must've been so embarrassing. But also funny."

So, no compassion there either...Just more laughter. She actually asked if I took photo's and seemed disappointed I didn't...Hmm, classy HD. Classy.

So, I decided to write about it because now, much later after the incident, it seems sort of funny. I mean if I saw someone doing that I would laugh my fucking ass off! Fortunately there was no one else in the office except me so I didn't have a pile of people laughing at me...Just you guys now I guess. 😁 I can certainly see the funny side of it now though and hope you do too; Just one of those things huh?

So, there you have it. The moral of the story? Hmm, I don't know if there is one. Maybe...Spin the eggs to check they are hard boiled prior to cracking? Write up a standard operating procedure for my wife on how to boil the whole carton of eggs? Don't be a dumbass and do dumb ass shit like I did? I'm not sure...All I know is that I will approach boiled eggs with a little more caution in future.

Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default...And make sure your hard boiled egg is hard boiled before cracking it - @galenkp

P.s. If anyone wants to hit me up on Discord: @galenkp#9209

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