Vampyr's love garlic bread...And they eat it off Winnie the Pooh plates!

in #humor5 years ago

How could I possibly know vampyr's love garlic bread? Well, to be honest I'm as surprised as you may be about this recent revelation however it has been proven, and by no-less than an actual vampyr!

This fact is even more amazing considering that it has been traditionally held that garlic has repelled vampyr's, not attracted them! That, "vampyr's don't like garlic" thing always troubled me you know, because who could ever refuse a buttery serving of garlic bread? That's right. No one! Ever. Especially if it is served with a decent pasta or pizza and some coke-a-cola™!

I doubt you could find a corner of the earth in which legends or stories of vampyr's don't exist. From the Mesopotamians and ancient Greeks to the Romans stories of blood-drinking creatures abound, all thought to be pre-cursors to the stories [read: vampyr's] of the more modern world. Now, before I go much further you'll note I use a different spelling than the more traditional vampire which I think looks mundane and very un-vampyrish...I prefer my spelling and considering this is my blog I'll stick with it.

In the early 1800's the vampyr enjoyed somewhat of a rise is status, certainly notoriety, mainly through the passing down of stories, tales, folklore and superstitions in Southeastern Europe. There were even executions based on the premise the condemned were indeed a vampyr's.

Thanks largely to Bram Stoker and his 1897 novel, Dracula, vampyr's went mainstream and the character Dracula is now a popular figure right across the world with many books, movies and television shows featuring him, and vampyr's in general. Even on kids shows...Remember The Count on Sesame Street? That guy was awesome and loved counting...Probably garlic bread as well. But vampyr's are not always male...They can be female too and I know one! I affectionally call her vampy.

We all know that Dracula was a noble from Transylvania in central Romania right? Dracula was the Voivode of Wallachia (Governor of sorts) and never hurt a fly, keeping to himself, entertaining his brides of Dracula in the bedroom and generally just living life...Well, maybe he drained the blood out of poor Romanian souls until they were empty husks as well, but in the main, he was just a dude trying to live life and have the occasional snack...Blood mainly.

I happen to know though...That all Dracula really ever wanted was...Garlic bread! They love it...Vampyr's I mean! They can't get enough of it, just like my vampyr friend Vampy, who also sometimes goes by the name @honeydue.

Vampy hails from, yes you guessed it, Romania, lives in a spooky old castle and has all the characteristics of a vampyr. She stays up late into the night (this part is legit) and sleeps most of the day (also totally legit). It is undetermined if she sleeps in a coffin however I have my suspicions...Nah screw it, she sleeps in a coffin. Legit! She is clever and has fangs. She also loves black lace tops so come on...Totally legit vampyr for sure! Vampy-girl loves wearing black and gazes at strangers with an odd sort of obsession which I know means she is deciding on which mortal to drain of their life's blood. This image is not her, but it's remarkably close to what she looks like in real life.

The other day I was chatting on Discord with Vampy, you know, just talking about stuff in general and I mentioned I was in the middle of making some pasta for dinner. Later I sent a picture of the completed dish, which also had some garlic bread on the side. I'm serious about this...As soon as the image went through Vampy went nuts! I shit you not. "OMG, is that garlic bread?" She exclaimed. A conversation ensued about the merits of garlic bread and we both agreed it was the most legit thing ever...Maybe except for Vegemite which is also legit. (She didn't say OMG by the way, I made that bit up.)

A little later the conversation ended and we went our separate ways however I was somewhat confused; Vampy loves garlic bread? Aren't vampyr's afraid of garlic? That was my understanding anyway.

A little later I was still pondering this conundrum when, blllinggg, Discord alerted me to a message, which I checked. Low and behold what did I see? No less than a plate of steaming, buttery, garlicy garlic bread being consumed by Vampy! Not just any plate mind you, a Winnie the Pooh plate! It was at that moment the history of vampyr's was re-written forever. *Vampyr's love garlic bread.

Apparently I had inspired a lust for garlic bread stronger than the vampyr-girl's fear of sunlight and she had ventured out out to the grocery store to get some. Yes, vampyr's go shopping you know...How else do they get their stuff? So there she was gorging on blood garlic bread extolling its virtues, taste and legitness. Right on Vampy, love ya work!

Now I'm not the sort of guy to fear vampyr's, on the contrary, I welcome them and I'm glad to know that should one stop by all I have to do is whip up a serve of garlic bread and job done!

By the way, did you know that a vampyr can't cross the threshold into your home unless invited? You're safe inside...That is unless you happen to have garlic bread in there. Most think they can make and eat that most excellent snack with no vampyr-related fears or concerns but I digress...If they react like my vampyr friend did then you're screwed...Say goodbye to your garlic bread!


Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default
Hit me up on Discord: @galenkp#9209

Underworld im srce

Note: This post was written with the approval and endorsement of said vampyr and no vampyr's were harmed in the making of it. As for the garlic bread? It got smashed, by Vampy and myself, albeit from different sides of the world.

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I can't believe you've put my Winnie plates on the blockchain :)) they shall live on forever now (like myself), thanks to you, which I guess is a good thing?
And shush, you promised not to tell anyone about the coffin business :P

One small correction, I did not actually have to step out and buy it, as I make sure to have provisions of garlic bread in store at all times. Duh. :D

Totally accurate post, otherwise. I have in the past extolled the merits of garlic bread to anyone willing to listen :))

Winnie the Pooh plates are legit and shouldn't be hidden in a cupboard!

I added in that bit Bout you having to go out to get the garlic bread to add and element of drama, you know, a vampyr risking life and limb during the day on a garlic bread run to the shop!

It's only 7am here...But I'm thinking about lunch already...Yeah, garlic bread! 😄

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