Camera Shy Nymphomaniac Tortoise

gmuxx (67)in #humor • 6 years ago (edited)

Apologies for the poor quality photo. I attempted to video one of our tortoises this evening. You see, he has developed quite an affection for this log. Maybe it's the shape, or perhaps the bark is very alluring, I cannot say for certain. Perhaps in the world of logs, this is one sexy tree appendage. I dunno. But Billy has strong feelings for this log and has spent the past hour trying to procreate with it.

Have you ever heard a frisky tortoise? Let me educate you. Turn your speakers up.

Try as I might, every time I try to video Billy, he gets camera shy, so I am stuck with blurry photos. He'll scurry around the log, try to mount it and half the time falls backwards with his little legs in the air.

It fascinates me how fast these tortoises can travel. I was always of a mind that they were slow lumbering creatures. On the contrary, my better half is considering attaching her Fitbit to one just to see how many miles he does a day.

Both of our tortoises are males and therefore cannot live together: they would literally fight to the death. It's possible to keep one male with three or four females so that he doesn't wear them all out trying to get jiggy with them, but there's no way were are going to add more to the collection.

They do make entertaining pets. Our dog Bella certainly enjoys them and licks them at every chance, even going so far as sliding the glass doors open so she can try to get inside their vivariums. Yes, I have strange animals.

It's difficult to type this with the distraction of a squeaking tortoise in the background. I'll just wait for him to finish then, shall I? I hope the log doesn't get pregnant. I'm not looking forward to meeting its parents and try to explain what the hell happened...

Welcome to my life.

Thanks @tinypaleokitchen for the title.

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