Close encounter with a CROC!

People I know have fears of mice, spiders, bats and flying ants.

I reserve my paranoia for something more worthwhile………….crocodiles!

Four of us were on safari in two Landrovers complete with rooftop tents which is my idea of accommodation in the wild. For our stay in the capital Maun in central Botswana , ‘Himself’ decided however on an overnight stay in a luxury lodge. “A break from roughing it,” he assured me.

I already had doubts as we drove through the tatty thatched entrance and the sign promising an awe inspiring morning at a nearby Crocodile Centre made me really nervous. The lodge was as tatty as a ‘bag lady’ and it was with a heavy heart that I tried to settle in.

I waved the three men goodbye as they had to take the vehicles into a ‘proper garage’ for running repairs… a lot of tyre kicking and talk talk talk of radiator hoses and stuff.

To cheer myself up I took off on a walk designated by clear signs boasting hiking boots similar to mine. It looked as though it wandered near a river in the distance. Slowly the crick of crickets in the grasses and the swoop of birds over my head relaxed me. The path took me up a little hill and suddenly on my left hand there was a very long uninterrupted tall ‘hedge’ of thick bamboos, impossible to see through. A couple of horses grazed below me on my right but a feeling of unease grew in my solar plexus but the meandering river ahead encouraged me to walk faster away from this feeling of doom.

I rounded a corner and there before me was a sight that made my heart QUAIL …… a very serious experience, meaning near heart failure!

Pixabay

In fact death on the spot would have been welcome.
There before my horrified eyes was a mammoth Grandaddy CROCODILE. He was about 25 metres from me with no fence in between. The only slightly mitigating factor was that his tail was closest to me and his carbuncled revolting snout and beady mean eyes were a few metres further away …….His back was as metre broad and I was terrified and paralyzed for 5 seconds.

Then the urge for preservation shook me and I swear I did a couple of spin turns to gather momentum and then I ran as I’ve never run before. Fear urged me on and the rustling of those horses scared me witless and the long thicket of bamboos shouted ‘ crocodiles live here and another may be escaping as you are running past………..maybe even opening its jaws of death.’

My hat brim folded back as I sped along and dust spat out behind my boots…….I hurdled like a pro over the small useless fence surrounding our cottage and leapt onto my bed turned around and sat like a Buddah facing the door, arms folded. READY!

Gradually I realised that my enemy would have eaten me for a snack if he had been so inclined. He would have felt the vibrations of my feet long before I saw him. That was small comfort and let me tell you that the 3 men on their return from Maun actually made the HUGE mistake of laughing at my desperate story. They were hanging onto each other by the time I described my flight home. ‘Oh that dust storm we saw over this way must have been the dust flying out behind your boots!’ they chortled.

Big mistake.
I frog marched the 3 of them…..herded them actually in front of me using my scathing words as a whip to keep them in line. They were actually quite scared of the virago I had morphed into.

As we turned that final corner I rejoiced!
There in front of us was the CROCODILE CAPTURE UNIT…..at least 7 men dressed in official khaki and badges and everything. They had been urgently mobilised to capture the escaped Grandaddy croc. They were busy with ropes, nets and a noose and suddenly the 3 men in my party were dumbstruck and impressed by the size and seriousness of my close encounter a mere half an hour before.

They had the grace to be sheepish as we walked back to our cottage and never has triumph tasted as sweet.

The chops sizzled and the wine slipped down easily under the stars of Africa and I felt vindicated.