Jedi Mind Trix

I've decided that I would like to forever etch the absurd situations and interactions I've had with the popo 🚨 here on the BC in perpetuity. I first came up with this genius idea to document my debauchery in jail, not exactly the haven of smart plans.

This is a really bad decision but as you will see that's kind of what I do. Not having any politically motivated ambitions or really any qualities that would be attractive to employers I think I can live with this intimate look into the insanity that has been my life.

I will attempt to do this in a somewhat chronological order which is proving difficult. At first I thought I'd leave out my juvenile delinquency but I just recalled a pretty good one that seems like a good place to begin.

Let's go back to 1998 a time when I was 16 or 17 and had begun my experimentation with LSD. It was a fall Friday and I had a decent amount of the infamous black gel tabs that were prevalent in the late 90s and early 2000s acid revival. I had obtained this particular potent but not particularly clean batch at my first phish show a week prior. I did not partake at the show due to the heroic dose of mushrooms I ate so my fellow hoodlums and I decided we'd dose up after school and figure it out. So no plan, no safe place, we were just going to get spun and see.

Bit of a backstory I'd tried lsd about a half dozen times but never gotten the full effect. All of my friends would be off their rocker and so I was beginning to think I was more evolved and was impervious to this man made substance.This always put me in the absurdly stupid position of the trip teams chauffeur. This Friday I decided would be different!

Around 420 pm my mates all took their tabs and proceeded to smoke herb n drink beer for the come up. I was holding off to get an idea of what dose I'd be taking at gauged by the results the squad had. After a half hour it was determined two tabs was coming on like a freight train, one was sufficient, and three would be pushing the envelope.

So three it would be for me. I drove my "beast" my tan 88 olds cutlass supreme that smelled like vomit, weed, and glade on warm afternoons such as this Indian summer day in Tennessee. I bought some beer with the fake ID I made at kinkos copy store and took the crew to anchor park a nice lake spot with a disc golf course and a nexus of all the local stoners. We arrived played grateful dead bootlegs drank beer and I took my three tabs while my people laughed maniacally at the time elves piercing through the veil in the forest.

Fast forward two hours it's getting dark and still no noticeable effects for me. We decided to call in for reinforcements and had a five foot graffix bong sent that was guaranteed to kick my trip in. I took in the ridiculous cubic feet of smoke exhaled and almost instantly I finally got it. Things began to get shifty and fractal I was familiar with the wavy visuals from my shroom experiences. But this was different and felt extremely foreign except it was similar to a feeling I had as a child with a fever of 104 that I still vividly remember the fearful and grotesque hallucinations that accompanied this deadly fever.

Fire on the mountain meandered on the stereo and it hit me that we were cloaked in the moonless darkness of night, which is a problem for sober adults much less juvenile tripping balls idiots. All parks are only open from dawn to dusk. There was only one course of action to camp without provisions as we were locked in and I was on the precipice of another dimension.

Oh shit !! A fucking spaceship was landing near the beast, we had attracted entities from other realms and had made contact. The flashing lights seemed to have a familiar strobe effect and color scheme. We mustered up the courage to walk through the brush to our visitors and of course it was the God damn police. Fuuuuuuuucccckkkk!

The brightest flash light ever created shone directly our way and the commanding voice bellowed out a "don't make us come to you"

At this point my adrenaline rush created a sense of confidence in Jedi mind trickery I had never felt before. As I approached I quickly began the conversation with a "I'm very sorry officers I know it's after hours and we're trespassing but my car died and we got stuck here"which was true thanks to the dead tunes. Okay he said so why didn't you just take the Buick park avenue and do you not have any jumper cables?

"No jumper cables sir" i replied, which was a bold lie, "and I know it's stupid but we just decided to sleep in our cars rather than pile 7 deep into the buick and ride without our seat belts.

As the flashlight pierced my deceitful eyes the officer said, all of your pupils are very dilated, have you boys come out here to do drugs and party?

What?!? "Absolutely not sir"

He was beyond suspicious as he should be and called in for reinforcements of his own and asked if he could search the vehicles. There is no good answer to this systematically approved entrapment so we said yes sure. The search first revealed jumper cables in the trunk and a look of disgust. Then came the discovery of my fake ID and I let out a fuck under my breath. Things were falling the fuck apart and my super spun cookies confidence was waining.. To be continued.

Meme ripped from Pinterest

Posted using Partiko Android