Heavy Day

The past several days I really haven’t felt great. No matter what I eat, it’s just destroying me. My stomach has been jacked as it seems the ol’ Crohn’s wants to be at constant war. My “medicine” helps, but it does not eliminate the problem. It more...staves it off a bit.

It seems when I’m off in this department, it kinda sets off a chain reaction in other aspects. Mainly my mental well being and where my thoughts are. To be honest, I am not sure if I think differently because of my stomach issues or if there are some stomach issues because of my busy mind. It’s like a chicken or the egg debate. All I know is the past couple of days have been a slight struggle with today being a fairly rough one.

I didn’t get very solid sleep and was up and back to bed 3 times from 6am on. Around 8ish, I awoke to a bad dream of me holding my boy Kitano as he died. It wasn’t quite the way it actually happened but the heavy grief I felt when it took place back in September was ever so present this morning. I didn’t even get a chance to remove my eyeshades before the water works were activated.

Tears just rapidly poured out. This has never happened to me. I literally woke up crying and the second I became conscious of what was going on, I just became overwhelmed. I tried to be as silent as possible as to not wake my wife who was snoozing next to me.

It was a weird thing. It was the first time that I have dreamt of Tano since he passed...at least that I can remember. I don’t remember the context of the dream. Just that I was holding him as he was leaving. Waking to that was a brutal start to this morning and the heaviness of it stuck with me throughout most of the day.

Similar in fashion to this reality

I did manage to fall back asleep for a tiny smidge longer and when I woke for good, I wanted to spend some time with my girls. So I yanked out the leashes and took them for a 20 minute walk. Nothing major...just to the park down the block, but they were happy. It warms me inside to spend quality time with them. It’s the moments like this that I miss greatly with my boys absence so I try to soak it in as much as I can.

Maya is an absolute maniac and is full of energy. I could run her forever and she would eat it up. Bindi is my old girl and moves at a snails pace. I have to slow Maya down a bit when I’m walking them together for Bindi’s sake. It was miserably cold and windy. The kind of wind that pierced through the layers you have on and chills you to your bone. The dogs didn’t seem to mind as they were built for this but I couldn’t wait to get warm again just moments into the stroll.

Once back inside, I had no motivation to do anything productive on my day off. I just hung the leashes up and broke down in the bathroom. I miss my boys a ton and it seems like this rollercoaster of emotions that I was riding on was not ending anytime soon, so I wanted to do something to keep my mind busy. My wife @reeseshara had a few things she personally wanted to get done so I decided on a movie. Haven’t been to one in a few weeks which bugs me as I feel like it’s a waste of my AMC A-List pass which gets me access to 3 flicks a week. Watching a good movie is kinda therapeutic for me so I thought it was a good idea to go on a day like today when my mind was in the dumps.

I decided on seeing Vice. I’ve been meaning to catch it since I first saw the trailer and it did not disappoint. Stellar cast and an overall fun film. Whether things went down quite like that or not, one things for sure...Cheeney was a ruthless bastard.

Bale did a phenomenal job as did the prosthetics crew. He was Dick!!! Rockwell as W was a perfect choice. He’s been one of my favorites for a long time now and I was happy that he won an Oscar last year in Three Billboards...

Amy Adams, Steve Carrell, and a bunch of other well established character actors round out the cast in a film directed by Adam McKay. I highly recommend you check it out if you haven’t already. Here’s the trailer for the slackers living under a rock...

After the film I felt a bit clearer in the mind but my stomach was still bleh. So I skipped dinner and instead opted to write a bit. I cranked out my entry for week 44 of @comedyopenmic which is about farts in marriage. All true stuff by the way. I actually had no plans to write anything else but I’m trying to be more open with recognizing my highs and lows. So I decided to just start writing this with no planning or anything. Not sure this is a freewrote but it’s kinda in that realm I guess as there was literally no direction here. So sorry if it’s a bit all over the place.

Anyway, besides my stomach, I feel good otherwise currently. The wife read the open mic entry which was about her. I was downstairs and I heard her laughing upstairs. I walked up as she was reading on the couch and she was giggling like a child. That right there, was worth it.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts. Let’s hope tomorrow I wake from a dream of being a Steem millionaire...should happen eventually...right?!?

Blewitt