Dear Diary: I Am With Despair For Being Unable To Attend My High School Reunion

I wanted to cry because I am unable to attend our high school reunion with my section of our batch '94 from my school class. I do miss my former classmates in particular although we are all not not friends but having to experience studying together for four years cannot be forgotten because there are rough times in high school and also fun times as well that we shared memories and it pains me to not share and talk about those memories again with my classmates.

My Yearbook Photo Downloaded From My Classmate's FB Upload Because I Have Torn Mine

Many years ago I have torn my photo from my high school yearbook because of my frustration about what is happening to me. Those are the years that I was in my early months in dialysis because I believe and want to just erase my "records" and die because I am just a disappointment to myself and family.

Anyway what causes me to not attend really was my appearance, I do not want my former classmates to have a pity on me, I do not want to get embarrassed in the process, and I do not want to ruin the fun by being the awkward member of the attending members of the class reunion.

Sixteen Years Later I Still Look The Same Until My Stature And Appearance Went Downhill

But it is more that and I cannot explain, but I really want to establish another kind of new lasting friendship but it is different now and they might be like another person than I know of, but I still want to meet them but again I cannot, and my feelings is tearing me deep inside because of my helplessness in the situation.

Maybe if I could be filthy rich in the future I could be able to fix my face and stature then I might get the nerve to take another chance and meet my former classmates when another reunion is set, then it would be wonderful if that would happen, but that's another dream for me to achieve if I will be given a miracle from above.