Talking Mental Health

Photo taken - 28-05-2019 by Darren Claxton

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This is a repost from last summer.
I felt it necessary to repost this as I was feeling quite anxious and insignificant earlier this year. Was it Depression and Anxiety, or maybe, S.A.D? (Seasonal Adjustment Disorder)
I know it's just the wave I need to ride, but reading this post that I created last year helped me through this quagmire of uncertainty.

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This following motivational, life coach type message, really resonated with me.
It's from a conversation I had with my @helpie friend @meno
https://steemit.com/@meno

Regardless of our understanding of pride
let's pose the hardest of questions?
let's say, that you spend the rest of your life protecting it,
making sure that you never disappoint yourself, that you stick to your guns, and never show weakness!
Lets imagine you do that...
When the time comes... when it's over,
when you had to eat emotional shit with a silver spoon to play that game, and you are getting ready to say bye to this world,
Who brings the trophy?
Who says... hey Darren... here you go mate... good job
your ego/pride was intact your whole life,
in the 2 minutes you got left to bask in the knowledge, you earned it.
Spoiler! no one... no one does...
Not even you! The most liberating thing we can do my friend, is let all that go.
We only get one shot... let's have fun and laugh as much as we can.

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Wise words from a very good human being!
Author - @meno

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And my other music mate @Krystle for her input.
https://steemit.com/@krystle

The biggest issues with mental health, is knowing there is a problem but not knowing what to do or where to focus your energies - mental health is hard for some people to talk about, so thank you for stepping up and sharing your personal experiences with us.
I have found with my own struggles, it really works best for me to do what you did, focus on family and the things worth fighting for - they are the reason to wade through all the shit and find a way to make ourselves feel whole again, it can take time, but with support like you obviously had from your partner it can be done.
You can come out the other side, and having that knowledge is power! knowing there can be an end to the internal struggle and sadness - once you have that, you're really on the way, even if it happens again, you now know what you need.

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Thanks also to the awesome @Krystle for her superb input!

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'The biggest issues with mental health is, knowing there is a problem, but not knowing what to do or where to focus your energies - mental health is hard for some people to talk about so thank you for stepping up and sharing your personal experiences with us.
I have found with my own struggles, it really works best for me to do what you did, focus on family the things worth fighting for - they are the reason to wade through all the shit and find a way to make ourselves feel whole again, it can take time but with support like you obviously had from your partner.
You can come out the other side and having that knowledge is power, knowing there can be an end to the internal struggle and sadness - once you have that, you're really on the way, even if it happens again, you'll now know what you need.
Author - @krystle

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During March-April of 2013, I wrote my first 5 track EP 'Never Grow Old' which was due for general release later that year. The songs almost wrote themselves and sprung out of me like an emotional whirlwind of emotive feelings and memories of past events. It was a year that saw me play over 50 gigs, various folk festivals and a few radio shows here in England, to promote the pending release of this physical and digital CD. It never really made it further than the few hundred people who bought it at one of those gigs. They were mostly signed copies, so I really hope they're worth something one day....

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Derby Folk festival - October 2013

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The next part of this story is quite sad, But I feel very passionate about 'Mental Health' issues and just want to try and put an end to this overly 'Taboo' subject of Anxiety, depression and mental health that so many of us struggle with, and try to hide or act like 'Nothing is wrong' the tears of a clown syndrome, as I like to call it. I can only speak from experience and share my thoughts on the matter, and hope that I can reach out and help some of you reading this right now.

I'm lucky that I have music to channel my energy and a loving and supportive family that understand my little quirks and triggers. I'm a very lucky man in that respect but, I fear others are not so lucky , but I want them to realise that, THERE IS always someone willing to listen...Be it 'The Samaritans', Your neighbour, a Teacher, Friend or total stranger... Just talk to someone and don't feel ashamed of how YOU are feeling.

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Contact The Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/ - UK
Contact The Samaritans - http://samaritansusa.org/ - USA

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It sadly culminated in my huge breakdown that November. A feeling of utter disappointment that I hadn't hit the 'Big Time' came crashing down around me, teamed with huge anxiety and fear of never achieving my musical dreams and goals!
However, intertwined within all of this chaotic unchartered territory that I was experiencing, came an extremely beautiful and positive moment in my life. A few weeks before, at the end of October, our beautiful daughter was born (second child) which I swear, kept me strong and saved me from completely sinking into oblivion! My son was only 4 years old at the time, and didn't really understand why 'Daddy was so sad' Thank goodness....I'll explain to him one day when he's old enough to understand, and I'll also let him know how much he helped me to realise how fortunate I really was to have him, his sister and mum.

We can analyse the causes of our mental health issues until the cows come home, but we just need to accept them for what they are, random and sometimes completely Irrational thoughts.

Source

I had failed my family somehow, maybe it was the aftermath of such an amazing summer?, or the fact that I had finally addressed a lot of heart ache and bad feeling towards certain people?, or maybe, just maybe, some self realisation that I had messed up so many things in my past relationships, with my Ex girlfriend and estranged mother.
When I say 'Messed Up' what I really mean is, letting THEM control MY feelings towards THEM and strive to make them happy or accept me for who I am! but you know what? we should never let anyone dictate to us in this way, force us to accept their love, time and energy or indeed , control how 'they want us to be.

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Source

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By the following April I had undertaken Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Counselling sessions to alleviate those anxious feelings, thoughts of being a failure or third rate citizen, and it REALLY helped...
Months and a few years ticked by and I slowly managed to drag my self away from that mind-set, with the help of my now partner and close family members! It's been a bumpy ride full of tears and laughter, but now, mainly laughter and happiness.

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My Family
The Rocks - The Ones That Hold Me Up

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You can hear a track from the EP here on Dsound:
Stay tuned for the next track which I'll be posting soon

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'Slowed by Notes'

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Thanks for taking the time to read this short post and for listening to the song.
Stay safe and remember, someone is always listening.
Much love
Darren

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This is the smile I try to wear now! Not the fake one I used to know, wear yours with pride too -

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A massive shout out to @d-vine
Thank you for your amazing support!
I'm still around, just doing busy dad things!
❤️🎼🙏