Time Your Fragility

It is hard to ignore this beautiful sunset along the way as I was biking back to my place from the beach. I forgot that I'm sad in a snap as I breathed in all that I'm seeing at the moment. It's the time to take notice of the beautiful details. It's the time to appreciate the moment.

It does not take that much for me to completely forget my negative feelings. I'm born to forget. I remember back in the day, I used to fight with my ex, arguing heavily about something petty. I was really mad when a nosey fly landed on my nose. Guess what, I'm back to my own quirkiness. Laughing about it and forgetting what I'm feeling. One little change in a moment can change me big time. Predictability is boredom. I feel all the negative feelings that I need to feel but I don't dwell in there. I set my own time limit to everything. Thanks to awareness.

I say that it is fine to feel sadness and anger but only at some point. I know happiness is all the rage these days, and people are so desperate thinking positively to the point of blocking their true feelings. The neoliberal positivity cheerleaders go to great lengths avoiding those feelings. Little did they know, they are just limiting their lives. It's like a special training for breeding new age psychos. What's wrong with feeling unhappy, angry or any uncomfortable emotions? You need all of that in order to grow as a sane human being.

“Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken.”
― Neil Gaiman

This was the quote that seemed to get stuck in my head as I was walking along the shore under the afternoon's gray sky somewhere. Some years ago, I survived a painful breakup with someone I almost married and used to love. I always find myself in the sea with the sunset that seems to be the ultimate symbol of an ending and a beginning of something in my life. The sun slowly begins to hide underneath the endless sea as if reminding me that it will rise again. Just like me.

I learned to set a time limit to my own fragility. The problem with most people is that they are not aware that they are dwelling in their sadness for too long. It's impossible to move forward without awareness. I need to be aware of what I'm feeling at the moment. It's fine that I feel all the unhappy feelings but I don't stay there. As soon as I get tired of feeling like shit, it's time to let go. When you have reached the bottom, there's no other way but to go up.

I see how important it is not to suppress your emotional wounds just to prove you're mentally strong. That's not healthy, it's only a way to act tough. I am not generalizing but I just seem to have this kind of problem with 'some' men. I have to deny being myself and stop expressing my mind just so I won't step into the fragility of their egos. Can you just make your ego your own bitch (man and woman)? Can you just let go of this entitlement of being a special sparkling dust in this vast universe? Everyone's ego can be crushed, your heart can be trampled upon. There are no exceptions. I'm an A you're an A. Nobody is special. It's time to set up a time limit for being mad with the world because it is damn too exhausting to deal with all that fragile ego shit. It's time to say, 'I'm done'.

People are experiencing depression, prolonged sadness, and all the negative emotions because of the lack of awareness. If you are aware of the moment, if you are aware of yourself, then you'll know when it's time to stop living in the darkness. When it's time to change and move on to the next train station. Don't get stuck in one place. I believe happiness does not mean being thrilled and cheery all the time, it's in your heart no matter what you are feeling at the moment. That's the only thing that stays in there. Everything else is just an icing on the cake. So whatever bad feeling you're feeling at this moment, this too shall pass. There's a time limit to everything. Become aware that nothing remains constant. You're constantly evolving, changing. Life is like that, live it or leave it.