What Do I Want

in #life5 years ago (edited)

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Whenever someone asks me “What do I want?” I am not sure if this person means what I want from him or what do I want in life? I know that the question is to serve the self-interest more of the one asking. It has never been about me or about you anyway. But, seriously, if it is just the question of what do I want, and if the question is really about me, then I have a lot to answer. Like a lot. I want everything at the same time.

The problem with most people nowadays especially in the high society is that they don’t know what they want anymore. And that is just the result of stagnating within the confines of the all-too-comfortable and all-too-safe. For those who cannot get past the level 1 of life, like me, where do we belong in the system?

Before I die, I want that I no longer have to worry about basic needs like shelter, food, and water. In my perspective, the top 1% of the world are those who no longer have to worry about these things, they have gotten past this level and they are facing a different kind of problem now. All they care about are their emotional needs, like not be depressed, isolated and all that petty things.

At this moment, it is mentally-taxing to worry about both my basic needs and business at the same time. I want a rent-free life. I don’t want to worry about paying the rent on time. I don’t want to think about getting evicted anytime. I don’t want that I would be homeless at any point. I want to have my own shelter. I want to experience how it is to actually own a piece of land and to have a place to come back to. I want a home because I never really had one – and I really want to have one badly. I want to live in the woods in peace, away from everyone else. And no, I’m not a social creature – sorry. Please stop trying to convince me that I’m one of you. I just want the luxury of silence and peace. If there’s someone perfect, that would be great. If there’s no one, then that would be fine as well. All or nothing.

I want to be my own authority. I want to be my own authority even without a "man savior" or access to family's treasure chest. Life is so hard down here - and I have every right to complain. I just want to be the big fish in my own pond. I don’t fall for those who tell me what to do in life or those who want me to sacrifice my spirit 9-5 just to get by. The secret to overcoming authority is to be your own authority. The time has come to turn the tables. I decide how it’s going to be this time. It’s grabbing the bull by the horns and saying – fuck, I know now what I want. The only person who can control my own life is me. I want a better life without having to participate in this animalistic competition. I want to preserve my morality while being my own badass authority. I want to find a few good people to help. And help them become their own authorities as well.

What else do I want? I want more in this life. I want good food. I want to dine in restaurants without having to worry about the price of the meals. I want to drink beer all day without getting belly fat. I want to taste the finest wines. I want to take the bus when I’m traveling. I want to walk alone on the streets without being seen as a prey all the time. I want to stare into space and daydream – without someone asking me “Are you alright?” I will be alright if you leave me alone. I want to be free on my own. Is it too much to ask?

I knew straight away that I don’t belong in this society. I fit in a society where nobody gives a shit and everyone is isolated and unhappy AF. I want vast emptiness of landscape, mountains, and coast. I want where people don’t want to be in. I want what I don’t have.

When my basic needs are secured, I want to live my life fully. I want to see more of the world and many other different places. I am so obsessed with finding a way to get that freedom just as I am obsessed with living my life to the fullest. And If I won’t have this kind of freedom, I might as well die right now. I want to live not just exist.

I want the life that I want before I am 45. I want it while I am strong and able. I feel this sense of urgency because I feel like I don’t have much time in this world. I mean, who knows? I could die anytime, life has no guarantees. I am selfish and impatient – I want everything soon – now. What is the point of wanting when I’m dead? I want a life well-lived.

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"I want to live in the woods in peace, away from everyone else."

I definitely agree with that. I don't want to have neighbors anymore. If I ever win the lottery or something. I am going to buy some land somewhere cold where no one wants to go and grow a bunch of weed there lol.

"I want to stare into space and daydream – without someone asking me 'Are you alright?'" Haha I space out all the time and that drives me crazy. I just want to be high and not really be focused on anything and someone always has to come along and pull me back to reality lol.

I don't want to have neighbors anymore.

I understand especially if you have weird neighbors or one who plays with a garden rake? I don't really get on well with neighbors. At the beginning they are nice but at some point, I will find something to hate about them. They will eventually get on my nerves lol.

It sucks when someone is pulling me back to reality.

Haha yeah that weird rake kid does freak me out a little lol.

"They will eventually get on my nerves"

That's how it seems to go. I am usually happy if they are quiet and don't try to talk to me but I always end up living by the chatty ones or people who like to throw parties lol.

I know how you feel. Unfortunately, I don't have a sound-proof place. It sucks I have to hear the noise from my neighbors especially when I write and work at home. I wish I don't have to hear them breathing too.

Thats how my old apartment was. The lady above me would always turn on some really bad chriatian radio station at 6 am every day lol.

I really just want my own house and to live comfortably.

I want the same ... 😔

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