Are You Selfish?
It's good to be a giving person, right? We learn to share our toys, not to be selfish; to help when we can, as much as we can. And I believe that. Selfish people are wrapped up in themselves, which makes a very small package. We don't want to be selfish, or even have people think we are. Because that would make us a bad person to them, and maybe to our own idea of ourselves.
In contrast we are told that we can't give from an empty bowl; on an airplane to put on our own oxygen masks before trying to help anyone else. Another analogy is to give from your saucer, not from your cup – to give the extra that you have, but not all that you have.
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My experiences with feeding the wild birds has given me another way to describe it. I put birdseed in the feeder the birds are welcome to have all I'm willing to share. They aren't allowed to come into my house and demand more!
There are people who can be 'black holes' of energy. They absorb your energy but are never filled. They absorb all the energy that comes their way but don't give any back. If you stop feeding them, if you block your energy drain, they will think you are being selfish.
Which brings up the topic of manipulation - someone calling you 'selfish' if you don't do or give what they ask. I had to have quite a few of these experiences before I caught on. You are selfish if you don't do what they want? Wait a minute, wouldn't that make them the selfish ones? I think that's a question worth asking.
Where we choose to draw the line between giving and selfishness is ours to decide. Do we draw different lines with family than we do with strangers? Do we have trouble saying “No.” to unreasonable demands? You can't blame someone for always putting their hand out if you always fill it.
Again, this is for each person to decide and there's really no 'wrong' decision. You can judge from the results. If you feeling that your energy level is low, that it is being drained you can make a different choice and see what happens.
https://steemit.com/ccc/@freedomshift/6-30-18-saturday-or-cat-turday-meow-updates-on-ccc-rules-upvotes-and-prizes-giveaway
Yes, expecting others to do your bidding without first giving something up for them is selfish. There are a lot of people like that too. "If you love me (or respect me), you'll do xxxxx." The problem is, if you ask them to do something, then they don't have the time. But they'll accuse you of being selfish. It's a psychological game people play, and the right thing to do is call them on it.
Yes, when there is balance in a relationship you don't see this kind of manipulation very often. Compromise is fine if both agree. But when the energy (giving) flows only one way the balance is off.
With exceptions of course, caring and giving to children and the elderly isn't as clear cut. But between adults I believe if you feel you're being taken advantage of you should pay attention because you likely are.
I have met many people like them who will call me "selfish" when I can't provide what they asked me for. I believe that they have a problem with emotional issues. Sometimes we just need to smile at them and say we're sorry for not able to share them at the moment.
When I first read this I though you wrote 'smite' them (instead of smile) and thought, hmm, not a bad suggestion! =-)
But yes, knowing your limits (setting boundaries?) isn't selfish at all.
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I was just skimming through the newbieresteemday posts and found this article, it kind of gave answer to the situation I am facing right now. A fresh breeze among the loads of spam here on Steemit. (lame competitions, crypto stuff, boring video blogs etc..). I appreciate the original contect and short to-the-point post. Thanks!
I'm glad you stopped by! And so glad if it helped.
I looked to see what you were posting and found your very good and interesting article about cherries! It looks like we both like to notice and think about things around us to see if we can learn from them. Many times that is fun, sometimes sad, but always things to learn!
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Wow, thank you so much! I am very honored to be chosen.
I think we can't compare things like giving and share at the same time, we shared toys don't mean that we give the toys. Protecting ourselves first before helping others don't mean that we're selfish. I will say No to everyone if I can't give or help them due to my own situation, but will be the first one to say yes if I have no reason to refuse it at all.
Maybe it's different in the real life and different backgrounds of people. Yes, there're different values in the community too. But as a person, you're free to decide based on your own values and conscience. The best things to do that interaction to find a win-win solution. Giving but hurting (the giver or the taker) will never be a win-win solution- IMHO
You make some very good points!
Sharing and giving - sometimes the words are used to mean the same thing, but as you say there is (or can be) a difference. And the meanings of the two words is an interesting thing to think about.
And yes, different backgrounds, different cultures and values are part of it too.
Mostly I think it feels good to give (or share) and be a helpful person when you can. But when you can't help, give, or share - it's not always for a selfish reason. Sometimes you just can't help.
You are Absolutely right! People must learn that..everyone can be a giver and a taker at the same time for a different benefits but shouldn't thought or felt that a giver will be a giver forever or vise versa.
I shared my lunch with someone, probably i shared the cost of lunch box too with him/her. But when I gave my lunch for someone..means that I gave it all and my taken is a happy smile of that someone😊
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Nice to know there are still people around who don't like to say 'no'. Selfish is becoming a universal trait as opposed to a moral choice- Everybody is selfish. Duh!
Its all about point of view. From one perspective it may seem like a certain act is selfish but from another its the opposite. We don't want to be pushovers either.
It does not matter who thinks what. As long as your heart knows the right way. :) People become mean sometimes and start calling other people selfish without any appropriate reason.
I have noticed that the people saying someone else is selfish are very often the ones being selfish! You are right, you have to listen and follow your heart to know the right way.
Its very simple, one can think about everyone how he is himself. If he is kind, he will feel this is normal everyone will have kindness like him. and vice versa: if someone is selfish he finds everyone selfish :D
YES! Well said!