Remembering my Sister's Death
This is glimpse of hope that I've always looked forward to at the highest and lowest peak of my life.
Anyway, I am not going to share much of that on this blog since I really want to highlight something very personal and intimate.
Once I was fifteen years old, I became very unmotivated about my life. Prior to that I really had wonderful dreams such as becoming a community doctor that is why I applied on different universities. It would be nice to save a lot from being a scholar.
The very reason why I wanted to become was to do something about my sister's condition. At such young age, she was sixteen (16) years old at that time, she was diagnosed with a very rare type of cancer. Since I was very young at that time, my knowledge towards illness and diseases were as limited as my height. Never had I imagine then that she and our family would have to suffer from that.
When she was diagnosed with cancer, it was already on stage 3 nonetheless I was quite hopeful that she will still be alright. But after five months of battling cancer: transferring from one hospital to another, chemotherapies, radiation treatments, and a lot more -- her body gave up.
It was really heart breaking for me because I grew up with her being always on my side.
You know Ate Jhad, I really wanted you to live a long life because I want to take good care of you. I even promised that we will get old together, live inside a bigger house, travel the globe, and do a lot of things together.
It has been ten years but the memories are still fresh.
After five months of battling rhabdomyosarcoma, her body gave up. I wanted to be with her on her dying hours but my brother and I were both sent home the night before she left.
When morning came, I felt someone kissed my cheek. I noticed that someone sent me a text message. It was my father telling me that my sister passed away. I only thought it would happen in movies.
I was fourteen years old at that time, turning fifteen on June and I really tried to process hard my emotional state. I could not actually decipher it but I know I felt so bad.
When we reached the hospital, I saw her lying. I was so nervous as how I am going to react. It has been hours since she died. My mom was sharing what happened during her final hours while I was just sitting beside her. It was heart breaking, totally heart breaking no matter how hard our family friends and relatives console us.
Her body was still hot. I tried shaking her, maybe that way should would wake up. It made me hope that somehow a miracle from up above would happen. I wanted her to be alive. I wanted her to be with me and cherish every moment together because we siblings grew up very close to each other. She was unresponsive. Her body finally surrendered as my heart sank in pain and agony.
... but despite all the pain and agony, death could never prevail as the memories with have with a specific person will not come to waste.
When we were little, some people would think of us as twins. Most of the time we would wear the same clothes. But it would really be easy to differentiate though because my sister had fuller lips and round set of eyes.
We went on the same school! I was so happy everytime you visit me on my classroom just to check on me. That never changed a bit when we reached high school. You never hesitated to confront those bullied me.
I would never forget how many times we fought over a simple household chore. We even reached the point that she tore my clothes while I tore hers. Before we agreed not to fight again on that day, we drew horns on each other's photo.
We shared the same room for a very long time as well. I easily get irritated about you because you have a knack of putting your booger on my wall. You would just laugh at me the moment I knew about it and I started shouting on you.
I will always regrets those times when we would both end up punching each other's stomach... or the times when we pull each other's hair. You were the perfect sister and you never deserved such hostility from me.
I felt bad that most of the time you were just staying at home alone. I was afraid that I would never get a chance to see you again after I wave goodbye to you because I need to go to school.
A week before you travelled to Cebu for another set of treatment, I bought a meal from Jollibee. All you wanted then was just a piece of the spaghetti that I bought. Since you were under medication, I said no to you. The only thing that I could give you then was a tight hug. Since you know that you could never outwit me, we decided to watch a movie instead.
A day then before you travelled to Cebu City, you told me to pick up the gown that I rented for our JS Prom. You wanted to see me wearing a white gown so I chose one for myself.
It was just so unfair that you already knew you were leaving. You carefully wrote letters to your friends and even asked them for something in return. Written inside those letters were your good bye messages to them. Before handing them to your friends one by one, I got the chance to read them and I could not help but cry.
If I had known that would be the last time I would se. When you came home from Cebu, there was already a tube inserted on your left lung. I was so excited then to see you because after weeks, we would be spending a lot of time talking. It really broke my heart that I walked out of the room. It was even harder that few days after thar, another tube was inserted but this time it was to your right lung.
You've been through a lot but you still manage to crack jokes one me. You even shared to my high school crush how big fan I was to him.
If I had known you would be leaving so soon, I would not be dependent on you. You wanted to see me wearing a white gown because you knew that it would be the only opportunity to do so. You told me to become more responsible because you knew I needed to.
The last time I saw you smile was only in my dreams. We were both sitting near the high school building at USTP. You were also bald there. You told me to be nicer to people. You told me that you were already fine and that I do not need to worry anything about you. And then you hugged me. It was days after you died.
It was so hard to adjust at first, well even until now. I still manage to put five plates on our table during meals. There were also times that I would still be looking for you.
Why am I even sharing all of these? Simply because time with your loved ones is precious. We may hate a number of our family members just because of a simple misunderstanding. But we will never know until when we would be spending time with each other. Make every moment of your life worthwhile for those that matter to you. Hug them tight, love them unselfishly, and always make them feel special.
Often times we get overshadowed with the type of love that we have to people outside our family. Teenagers and young adults would think that the most heart breaking thing is losing a girlfriend or boyfriend. Little do they know that losing someone you really love as death separates you both would be a deep cut to your heart.
I wish to share my sister's photos but unfortunately she deleted all her photos a month before she died.