It's me dad, your son...

I went to see my dad today and he had no idea who I was...It was unpleasant. I prompted him once on who I actually was however decided to simply let it go and play the role of whoever he thought I was considering he didn't catch on that I was his son. My dad lives in a nursing home and suffers from dementia so his memory is not so good. He has other complications and at almost 83 years old that's to be expected I suppose.

The visit left me feeling pretty flat though, and wondering if that is what I have to look forward to in my older age. Indeed, is that what we all have to look forward to?

"A graveyard of stones, memories, wilting flowers and pain
Some old and others fresh, new grass craving summers' rain
Derelict, memories passed, forgotten, faded, irrevocably lost
Worn stones, broken dreams, names hidden by creeping moss
Once loved, cherished, held closely yet time passed them by
Now gone, like light in their eyes, memories get old and die."

We will all get old and die one day, well, that's assuming we don't die prematurely, and whilst some may stay sharp of mind until the end, some will not. It's not a great prospect I suppose however that dark thought reflects back to me and punctuates my ethos that you can read at the end of my posts. Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default. It also gives credence to the live your best life and the be the best version of yourself as often as possible* ethos. Well, in my mind it does anyway, and so I do...As often as I can.

I left my dad this afternoon after spending almost an hour there. I recorded a couple videos of him saying hello and blowing kisses to his grandchildren, @smallsteps and my other brothers' 8 month old son, which I have now sent through; As they are both located a long way from here it's the least I can do. I suppose I do it in a bid to create memories for those two young kids and yet will those memories fade like the poem above says? Well, yes I assume so at some stage. It's the turning of the wheel of life right? I mean nothing lasts forever, nothing.

I think about my dad sometimes and look at the life he lead and whilst it could have been better, or maybe just different, he was happy. He has told me so many times. I take comfort in that and in that I have the ability to make, and retain, memories at the moment. And so I do. It's ironic that the things he cites as the best in his life are his children and yet now he cannot recall them effectively mostly, certainly not today.

The headstone you see in this image was taken by me in Cornwall last year. I was there retracing my ancestry on my mothers, father's side. I've gone back to 1451 and then lost the trail. This headstone is from the early 1700's and is located at a church gravesite, one of the oldest church sites in the area, and it holds many of the people that came before me, family members who broke ground and paved the path that leads to me...Gone now, but not forgotten.

Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - @galenkp

P.s. If anyone wants to hit me up on Discord: @galenkp#9209