Disrupting Death - Ushering my mother on Her Way in My Own Way
Today I want to inspire you all to think of how we relate to the logistics of death as something to not just follow blindly.
In the west we reclaimed birth about 15 years ago.
Home birth and midwives had a renaissance.
It is time for death to be disrupted, to be liberated, to come home, to leave the sterile haunts of the hospital, or the fearful whiskings away.
When my mother died, I had the privilege of bathing her. I had the privilege of anointing her in oils, dressing her in beauty.
....... And then I proceeded to pack her on dry ice!
This is how you buy time.
I had had months of her dying, but now that she was dead - I needed some time to be with her as Dead.
Its akin to letting the placenta pulse out before it is cut.
We had a scrabble tournament, we decorated her cremation box, we sang songs, I got sit quietly in the low light of night and smell the last of her perfume. (No the dry ice hadn't melted)
What I am trying to share is that - the process, the ritual of tending, and caring and being with her as dead dead and not just dying allowed my grief to be less complicated, allowed my system to recalibrate, allowed me to feel more than I would of had I been consumed with the inevitable logistical busyness of death.
I share this to inspire you to excert your right to stay with your loved ones body for a day, for a few hours, for as long as you need. There is no law that says you need to have the coroner take them away within minutes. Let yourself sink into death -
It makes life more vivid!
I respect and admire what you did.
Thanks Lisa - it was the richest time of my life:)
img credz: pixabay.com
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learning!
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damn drotto - you de man
We had our mom stay at home to pass on and then stay in the house with us for a day or so. We do need to bring death back from behind the closed doors in the hospital to being at home - as part of living.
I do have to take issue with you saying we took birth back 15 years ago. I had my first baby at home 35 years ago and there was a strong movement of women doing that - taken birth back, fighting for Vbacks, showing the world that breastfeeding is the thing to do and all of that :)
Bravo for being an outlier - I was roughly alluding to Home birth coming into the mainstream about 15 years ago:) I don't have the privilege of being a mom and in no way meant to minimize the heroic efforts that have been going on for entirety of women braving against the colonization of their being and bodies!:)
:) No offense taken at all. hey, I am doing a daily freewrite prompt challenge. I would love for you to join us. It is easy. Read the prompt. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write whatever comes to mind without stopping or letting the inner critic awake. Publish. done :) here is today's prompt if you want to play https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-13-5-minute-freewrite-prompt-crazy
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so appreciate the minnow momentum!!
Yes you are so right. I had all my babies at home, why should we leave our parents alone at a unfriendly hospital for dying? That’s what happened to my grandparents and it makes me sad. Thanks for making me think!
:)) brauny babies I'm sure they were!!
I truly admire the way you handled the death of your mom. We have become divorced from death, viewing the inevitable as an enemy. Death is a part of life and whether it is an eternal slumber or the next stage of an exiting adventure, it is not to be feared.
Yes Yes and Yesssssss
Thank you for sharing such a precious moment. <3
mmmmm it was just delicious under the sadness and oh so tired!!
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I can totally relate to this, I live in Thailand and my father in-law passed away, he treated me like a son and I was truly blessed to have two dads. We were by his bedside every day, and I was there when I had to hug him good bye, knowing I would not see him to talk to ever again. Proceeding his passing away he had a budhist funeral which goes on for several days prior to cremation. He was kept in a refridgerated coffin, which had a glass pane in the top allowing us to see him everyday before his cremation. At first I thought it would upset my family in law to see him, but it seemed to make it a bit easier that he was still with us after his passing away and everyone could still see him.
Yes! That is why I wrote the post for most expect it might be upsetting and need those of us who have realized how precious it is to share!! thanks for that:))