The Most Seemingly Outrageous Occurrences Fathomed To Me

havok777 (68)in #life • 5 years ago (edited)

Whew wrong word, not so outrageous at all!! No Evil Lives In This House. Rip off cohortist or a better version of tribute artist? No bully gang here, for the unity is a better wine from the bitter vine. Or better whine. A validated complaint. Yup, it can be done! Whew, still don't know if I can get into it tonight. Yet now that I'm thinking about it, it has to do with the literalist culture fetishistic to the eye. Native Culture is Oral, Western Culture is the written word, visual. Gotta go back to school, re-read and read some books. Yet to be where you feel you don't need to read anymore and not have to write anything down because you are sure of the story to tell.Learn some other languages perhaps. Get to where I know what I'm talking of (of course just getting back to what you already always knew(as a kid..embrace your ignorance don't endorse it
)). The gossip pit of opinioned distractions doesn't seem to have backers to those boasts. Many seem to get caught up in making pronouncements hanging on to dear life wishing they are the only ones that are right. How to know your understandings as a fact not just faith. I think we can detox off the visual and taking symbolism so literal...instead more real!? Even sacred texts seem to make more sense in the metaphorical down to earth sense. Not something otherworldly or out there so to speak, within our day to day experience of life. Life is basics, clean water, healthy food, healthy social life. Everything else seems superfluous. Except the correct sort of ritual that bestows the eternal appreciation for the gift of being alive to those integrated aspects. Blessed are the healthy foods, clean waters and true relations!! Cool, glad I could say a little bit, now I'm feeling a bit better.

Western Culture seems in a death ritual gone terribly wrong!! Like the false story of self loathing projected onto the 'other' whereby destroying all other cultures and life on the planet would be the ultimate suicide. Just a thought right! Ok yeah, it's real, a jerk fest fantasy gone sour!? Just saying I was able to think it. What made it possible for me to come up with something like that!? I have read some about that too. F#$^ man that's why I could feel like I may not want to say anything at all. Yet what else is there to talk about!? So tired of the apocalyptic culture, like the only ritual that's cool to modern 'man' (lol The Man is not a MAN) punishment based culture is putting yourself down and other people, self abuse and violence to others. How boring is that!? Isn't that the ultimate yawn fest you ever heard!! Sex and Violence forever to infinity...please!! I could never ever quite believe that!!!! Just too much. Destroy the planet cause you fake hate yourself!!! HAHAHA what a freaking laugh!! Good one Western Culture! Thanks for that, even though that memory legacy to be erased now to know that it was never vital. Anti-life stuff sucks so bad!! IT really is a rip-off ritual.

Now it could seem I'm staying up late again after everyone else. I've said enough or too much, no worry tomorrow is another day. I strive to be better with it all always. I was waiting for someone to get out of the shower downstairs but they are not there. I'm freaking out staying up late again. I feel I cannot think or live or be by myself. That's why I'm staying up late all the time. Feels like a strange addiction. I just want to be alone for awhile. It gets to feel like taboo like I'm not allowed to be by myself. Staying up late is the drug where I feel all messed up cause night time is the only time to be alone. Work feels like anxiety and depression. I feel the more I work the more debt, there is no point. All people around seem to be really good with it. Eating fast food, working to exhaustion, where you have to take drugs to get through the day. Everyone does it! It's normal and okay to get sick. NO!

Ok well I'm freaking out. Maybe this blog is my safe space. No need to worry so much. Sometimes I feel like I want someone to talk to or somewhere to go, yet there seems to be no exact one or place, it's a dynamic, I can jump into the dynamic, as long as I'm okay with being alone too, like I don't need anyone just appreciate their company.

Okay I do have something going on! What do I do!? How do I slow down life to grasp it! How do I stop feeling overwhelmed. How come my hands healed completely after the rally!? How come I'm doing so well. There's nothing wrong with me. How do I stop this routine. I just gotta go to sleep and get through the next day I guess. Ok. yea, will work the weekend too, get real tired. I won't like it but I'll be around. I will come back. It's the money grubbing culture, many over worked, over tired, be grateful I have something extra to focus on.