I'm Super Socially Awkward. Um... Hey?
Anybody else socially awkward or does the copious amounts of alcohol make you forget that you feel like a freaking weirdo hanging out in a room/website with a bunch of strangers you don't know?
(My hand is up to the second as well, don't worry!)
What's worse? What if you do know the people huddled in the room? How to engage in (socially acceptable) small talk? ... Yikes... Hides on internet forever instead. 😂
"Hey, how's your (insert generic life event here) going for you?" 💤
I realized only recently that although I was brought up, groomed and bred believing I was a socially exquisite extrovert that instead I was/am in fact a closeted, confused introvert! (How is that for a personality crisis?)
Yes, that's why I am in and out of here like a bad boyfriend.
That must be a huge whammy to hear for someone who knows me! I know it knocked me flat on my back, feet up in the air, completely unsure of how to get back up when I painted the lines in.
"YOU? Cece? No way! You're so outgoing and friendly!" You scoff. (I can hear you!)
Um, no I am not! Thank you VERY much, Sir Judgment. I just CAN be those things but I certainly "AM NOT". (Insert defensive, bratty tone.)
I hid behind my blog for almost an entire year growing my brand because life behind the keyboard was so EASY and I could do it in my pajamas while taking care of 4 foster puppies and listening to my favorite music all at the same time. WIN?! (Not really, I know, don't worry.)
Do you even know who you really are?
I mean, are you a boisterous go-getter that can just take over a room with natural charisma or are you only there for the free food? THINK ABOUT IT! It's mind-blowing to consider! (I know you'd be there for the free food if it was my party but since I'm such a weirdo, I wouldn't be having a party so, I digress!) 😅
It's so hard striking up a convo these days (I miss pay-phones, AM I RIGHT?) it's like...
"Hey, I'm craving human interaction and for whatever reason I've decided to come to you for that connection! Now, here is my vulnerability in a hand-basket. K, full-on-meaningful-insightful-fulfilling-relationships commence!" 😅 (Under pressure, much?)
It doesn't work like that does it though?
We feed ourselves drinks/"party-starters" to get the stories flowing and the great big wall to start coming down. The more we drink, the easier it becomes and all of a sudden we feel like a freaking super hero-- invincible and ready to take on those cool cats chilling by the pool or that person we've been pining over since we first caught their eye!
Well, I've been building up my courage, strength and inner me to go outside of my comfort zone here and there, subtly without alcohol which for my whole (albeit youthful adult-ing career) has been fueled mostly by my favorite go-go-juice, tequila (te-kill-ya, let's be honest.)
Strip me of that spider bite and this picture is legit what it looks like-- Spiderman with nothing special. Standing by myself looking down, just kind of being proud of myself for showing up conscious. ;)
A man approached me as I was standing by myself and huffed a story at me about falling into the rice paddies today in this rushed... "I am not sure why I'm telling you this but I needed to tell someone" kind of way before he told me to have a good day and just ran away leaving me completely baffled by the whole interaction.
BE YOU!
It's totally fine to not know how to handle groups and more than that, reasonable if you feel awkward or uncomfortable in social situations! Everyone has phones these days so it's super hard to intercept someone's attention unless you randomly find them on Tinder (or some other hipster flirting app) and send them a text!
"Hello, I think that's you across the room!" -_-
Oh wait sorry, now you're a stalker for that. Ha-ha! Oops! 😅
Moral of the story: YOU DO YOU, Boo!
If you wanna cram your face full of cassava chips in a bean bag in the corner. You do it! If you wanna stand on a table and shake ya tail feather, YOU GO, YOU!
I just don't want to see us all afraid and cowering in that fear, destroying our chances of all of the realm of possibilities out there!
We are all unique people and we don't need to get so caught up on who we think we ought to be. Just be comfortable and happy being you and that you will shine bright! 😘
Love, Cece 💓
[
So. It's secrets day is it? I might have a couple :)
I knew how to attack a room. I could tell stories and do crazy things and chase girls with the very best of them.
Except I was scared. Completely paralyzed scared. Unless I had a couple of beers or shots of JD or glugs of Tequila. I had it figured out! All I had to do was have a couple every day. You know where this story is headed, right?
After 25 years I couldn't anymore. At all. So I sobered up.
Then I found fear. My old friend fear. I remember so well: Being mostly naked and wanting a way out because "I'VE NEVER DONE THIS SOBER"
You know what I found? I am OK. I always was OK. All that life I had wasted chasing the perfect high was just that. Wasted.
I know. This sounds like a lecture, it isn't. It is not in any way aimed at your life or the way you live. It is only to share a secret with you, and all the secrets I have left are wrapped in the alcohol fog.
It took me a long and painful journey to learn that. I'm OK and so are you.
One other secret. If were were to meet face to face I'd have a hard time talking to you. Not impossible but hard, it would take me a while to warm up. Because really beautiful women still intimidate me until I get to know them.
That's all the secrets I'm sharing today. Thanks for sharing yours.
Awww @bigtom13 I have just been away in Thailand so am late replying to your heartfelt message but don't discount me coming in late! I completely understand and relate to what you're saying. It can be a tricky and addictive, sultry beast to turn from but you're right, we are ok. We always are. :)
I enjoy my life so much more now that I am here. Of course the crutch SEEMS easier but it really isn't after all the consequences later (at least in my experience!)
You know, I often turn down meeting people in real life because I am a very shy introvert and I worry that I won't be able to connect to them out of fear- something I am working on and getting much stronger every time I try!
I'm sure when we meet for our vegan burgers at some point, it'll be just fine, no tequila necessary :) Thanks for being there and making me feel like I am not alone. We all have our secrets and seems we share this one <3
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Hello @heart-to-heart, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!