How to Deal With Siblings and Co-Dependent Behavior

in #life5 years ago

When you're young, it's normal to defend your siblings against others, even when they're wrong. Family loyalty in the schoolyard fosters an "us against them" mentality, in some cases. But when the need to over-involve yourself in a sibling's life, to defend, protect, cover for and take care of him, persists into adulthood, you or your sibling might have a co-dependency problem. The roots of co-dependency date back to childhood and learned patterns of behavior that can keep you enmeshed in unhealthy relationships your whole life, unless you take steps to change.

DEFINITION OF CO-DEPENDENCY

Co-dependency is letting another person's behavior affect you and becoming obsessed with controlling her behavior, according to Melody Beattie, the first person to define the term. A co-dependent person feels that his sibling can't handle her own problems, that his sibling needs protection from the consequences of her actions and that it's his job to rescue his sibling in all unfortunate circumstances. Over time, the sibling who is the focus of the attention might also begin to believe that she's incapable of making her own decisions or bailing herself out of her own messes in life. More women than men exhibit co-dependent behaviors, Dr. H. Dan Smith of California State University, Fresno, Department of Counseling and Special Education states.

source

CONSEQUENCES

Both siblings involved in a co-dependent relationship feel they have something to gain by keeping their relationship co-dependent. The caretaker -- sometimes called the enabler -- looks for praise for her constant sacrifices and caregiving. The sibling who gets the constant attention and help out of scrapes might develop a sense of entitlement as well as a sense that other people should handle his problems for him. Over time, the caretaker becomes depressed because she doesn't get the praise and attention she feels she deserves due to her efforts, and her sibling never learns to make his own decisions, which leads to more mishaps and mistakes that need mending.

BREAKING THE BOND

It take two to create a co-dependent relationship. If one person breaks away from co-dependent behaviors, the other is forced to adapt to a new type of sibling bond. Realizing you have a problem is the first step to reducing co-dependent behaviors. This takes insight and, in some cases, psychological help to determine why you have learned to place the needs of others above your own, and to disconnect from your own feelings. You must determine what governs your behaviors before you can change them. Saying no after a lifetime of saying yes isn't easy for either sibling and can permanently change a lifelong relationship.

BENEFITS AND RISKS

A bond built on mutual trust, love and respect rather than a desire to keep one person dependent on another is an equal partnership rather than a parent-child type of relationship. You and your sibling can become real friends as a result of breaking the dependency cycle. On the other hand, it's possible that stopping the co-dependent cycle could result in the loss of the relationship altogether. Your sibling, who is used to being taken care of, must now take care of herself and she might not relish the change.

SOURCES

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.35
TRX 0.12
JST 0.040
BTC 70597.89
ETH 3559.60
USDT 1.00
SBD 4.77