Bad choices are just around the corner.steemCreated with Sketch.

in #life5 years ago

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Photo by Martin Reisch on Unsplash

Lately, I've been obsessed with a song with great lyrics, but I just couldn't figure out what was so appealing to me, what I so liked about it. Well, the opening lyrics go something like this ~

If I stay with you,
If I'm choosing wrong,
I don't care at all


And then, I realized what I so liked about this – the idea that choosing wrong is entirely possible. If you're the wrong choice, I just don't care. And that's very true, there's a huge possibility that you're making the wrong choice right now.
We like to imagine that someone out there has a plan for us. Not just God, this isn't just about religion although one of its huge appeals seems to be just this – that there is someone with a plan, someone in charge who knows where we folks are going. But there isn't and as I said, it's not just about religion. We put the same trust in the leaders of our country. Well, I don't, but a lot of people seem to. And if not in the person currently in charge, then we trust the opposition surely. They have a plan, they know what to do and we'll all be alright because of them – isn't that just swell?
Sadly, that's not the case. There's no one out there who's looking out for you or who knows what the outcome will be. You can only make predictions, nurture hopes and ambitions, but you have no way of knowing the way things will happen. Life is unpredictable, by default.

And it's often possible that you will be making a wrong choice. Look back to the lyrics, “if I stay with you, if I'm choosing wrong” - that means you could very well be the wrong choice for me. (Sorry.) But we don't think that way. To me, the presence of love in this song is a particularly interesting choice because love is one of those things where we like to imagine there's a plan. We care about this one in particular, because although we like to believe there's always a plan, we're less interested in it when we buy bread than when we choose a life partner.
I've come across this logic a lot and I must admit I've often employed it myself – the idea that you are predestined to be with someone.
“We're meant to be together, I just know it.”

And maybe you do know it, but that knowledge isn't coming from some divine stroke of luck, it's that little voice at the back of your head (aka your voice) telling you it is so. That's it, really. Maybe you work well together, maybe you even have a future together, but that doesn't mean you're meant to be, my love.

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Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

This is a mentality especially common in women. As soon as you meet someone you like, you're convinced you've met the one and what's wrong with that is the assumption there is a one. There isn't. You might indeed have met the person you'll be with the rest of your life but that is an active choice, it takes a lot of effort, sacrifice, compromise, love, pain. It's not written in the fucking stars because stars aren't going to be there for you when shit happens. They're unreliable like that.
There isn't some magic plan that will make everything alright. There's choices. Some good, some bad, same as with everything and you have to accept that. That's another thing I like about the lyrics – the I don't care part.

Because normally, if you were to realize you're choosing wrong, you'd panic. Oh no, how will this affect my life? What if something awful will happen as a result of this choice? Very possible. This makes you wary, makes you walk on eggshells. But you can't avoid wrong choices. You can skip some of them, perhaps, through careful judgment or just a stroke of luck, but never all of them. You will make bad choices and you must take responsibility for that. They are, after all, your choices. You must take an active role in your life, not settle for the backseat. And by assuming there's a plan, you are effectively saying you are not in charge, and thus taking that backseat.
And it's far more dangerous to live like that then step up to the fact you might fuck up.

News flash:You will fuck up. You will choose wrong. But so what?

You know, Andy Warhol had a very fine saying, that went something like this:

“Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, "So what."
"My mother didn't love me." So what.
"My husband won't ball me. So what.
"I'm a success but I'm still alone." So what.
I don't know how I made it through all the years before I learned how to do that trick. It took a long time for me to learn it, but once you do, you never forget.”

I fucked up. So what?

Thank you for reading,

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In many ways we are made up of our wrong choices. One only hopes to have the ability to see them and then learn and grow from them. Otherwise, we won't be very well rounded we'll simply keep making the same mistake over and over again. This will go wrong, but how we adjust and reasses makes all the difference I think. I've had many female friends who simply continued to make the Same wrong choice concerning men. I learned early on saying something like, "well isn't he just a carbon copy of your last one" was not what was wanted. After that I kept my mouth shut, but it is our own personal journey to make, we can only hope we do it right and that our friends can see the same or change they need :)

I agree. Why make the same mistake over and over when you can learn from it and go on to make new mistakes? :D
No,it seems people rarely want to hear the truth. Probably because deep down they know and dislike it. You can't live someone else's life for them, unfortunately, you can only trust in them to make the best of it.

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But... who chooses which is the correct option and which is not? Is not it the same little voice?

We can't see alternative scenarios, so we can't know if what happened was the best or the worst. But it does not matter as long as we accept it.

As long as we do what we believe is right the moment we do it, regardless of the future or the past, or appearances, or what others assume, but what we think at that precise moment that is right, then it was the best option.

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