Selfish, baby?

A question that has been nagging me for a long time now is: How wrong is it, truly, to be selfish? Could it actually be good? Basically, is selfishness good or bad?

Must we really choose?

We are taught that being selfish is a bad thing, a sin, that we must always do for others and not put ourselves first. And some of us try to be like that, we really do. We believe it's the right thing and we try to be good boys and girls.
But as we grow older, we keep running into people who don't put others first, but themselves. And we get involved in situations where not looking out for your self first hurts, because it turns out nobody else was, either.
Ideally, it would be a circle of trust type of thing. I would care for you and have your back, you take care of Jim, he takes care of Mary, and she takes care of me. Even in one on one interactions, the principle of 'I scratch you, you scratch me' would prevail. But it isn't always like that, is it?
Sometimes, it just stays 'I scratch you'.

So, in a world where so many people take advantage, should you keep faith and be selfless, or should you just scratch yourself?

The selfish approach

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There are different types of selfish, of course.
The first is enjoying some me-time and fulfilling your own needs and desires first, in the idea that you will be a better help to others if your own needs are taken care of. This may very well be true. Think about it, if you feel unloved, hungry, thirsty, horny, tired and so on, your mind will be on that need. You will zombie through your day, without really seeing the people around you. Thus rendering yourself unavailable. If all these things are taken care of and are no longer pressing needs not only will you be in a better disposition, but you also won't be so focused on your self, thus better observing others.
Besides, there are many benefits to being selfish:

1. Selfish people make for better partners

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Many say love is a selfless act, and indeed, it ultimately is. But studies show that a certain amount of selfishness is beneficial to relationships. Because the case in which two selfless people end up together is rare, so even if you put the other person first, chances are they're not going to do the same. Besides, people who put others first are often vulnerable. If you treat your needs and wants as unimportant, your partner will likely do the same. Another relationship barrier of people who aren't selfish is that they are emotionally unfulfilled, because those unanswered needs build up, and you come to depend on your partner to fulfill them and that affects the relationship. The best relationships are based on mutual enjoyment.

2. Selfish people are happier

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Because they put themselves first, they tend to go after what they want, because they understand that they are responsible for their own happiness. If they achieve the things they set out to achieve, they will be in a better place, emotionally. This is mainly because a lot of unhappiness stems from not reaching goals, and not doing what you want. Besides, if you do activities that you enjoy, you get a better sense of yourself, of who you are. Self-knowledge is key to true happiness.

3. Selfish people know that N-O spells 'no'

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Ah, the Holy Grail, the power of saying 'no'. Many of us want it and need it, because many don't have it. Being selfish means identifying things that aren't good for you or activities you don't like (that bring you misery) and stepping away. A life without negativity is a happy life.

But being selfish has its drawbacks, of course, so let's talk a bit about that. By saying 'no', you often hurt people. By knowing what you want, you end up hurting others, especially those who don't know what they want.
Being selfish also drives you to step on others to achieve your wants and then, it stops being alright. Before, we were talking about a 'healthy' kind of selfish, because it was only doing you good, not truly hurting others.

At some point, though, nothing stands in the way of you and your desires. And that is too much. You become self-centered to the point that you prey on vulnerable people who lack the power to say 'no' or to express their own wants and needs, in order to fulfill your own. That is damaging and bad.

To conclude, I think a certain amount of selfishness is good.

Be selfish, in the sense that you are confident and know yourself.

Don't be selfish to the point where you hurt others.

Thank you for reading,