I just realized something.

I don't know the meaning of life.

And this is truly terrible, for how can one go through life without understanding the why, the how, the what?

It's a rather terrible thing. Would you walk into a building and say "I'd like that green thing over there," without knowing what it is, who's selling it, where you are, how to buy it, why you want it, or even whether or not you're actually standing in a store?

I didn't think so. I mean, I would do it, but still. Not the sort of thing you want to advertise.

You know, a number of years ago I ran into someone who told me: "The meaning of life is to ask questions."

So I asked him "Why?"

And he said, "Very good. You're catching on."

To which I responded, "How? What are you talking about? Who are you? What's going on?"

And he bowed, and with tears in his eyes exclaimed: "There is nothing more I can teach you!"

So I asked for his information, then called one of my go-to assassins and had him killed.

What? It surprises you that I have a laundry list of killers on speed dial? I used to shop around, but I found that the average hired killer just didn't fulfill my precise specifications.

I need someone who will kill messily, but won't leave a mess. Who will leave his victims - my victims - in as much pain as possible, someone who can get past any security system without being caught. Someone who's anonymous.

I don't need any of this getting back to me. Back in the old days, one of my assassins once got caught killing an old business rival who had annoyed me, and the cops pulled me in. Do I look like the sort of person who would have people killed?

The answer is obviously yes. But the indignity of being questioned - well, let's just say that the officer in question is twenty thousand leagues under right now.

And yes, the killers I hire can be expensive. But I can afford it -

I made my fortune self-upvoting my bad posts on steemit

In any case, we appear to have gotten off topic. Not that there really was a topic in the first place, we just seem to have gotten off it.

Oh! - It appears I have to run. The police are knocking.

Did Samhain make a mess again?

-hyperbole out.