How to go grocery shopping if you're a guy.
1 - Have a vague idea of what you might need. For example, I ran out of toothpaste this morning or it might be nice to have some toilet paper again.
2 - Walk casually into the store. Oooh Pizza. I better grab that last since it is cold and I don't want it to get warm.
3 - Head to the back aisle.
Water. I definitely need a 24 pack of that. Grab it first.
4 - The soda is right near the water.
Grab two 12-packs of soda and put them on top of the 24 pack of water that you are carrying around in your arms.
Source: Pixabay.com
5 - Toilet paper is also right there. Grab the biggest 24 pack that you can find and shove it on top of the 12 packs of soda.
6 - Walk around for 30 minutes putting various items on top of the stack so that you have so many items rattling around in there that you have to constantly shift this way and that way to prevent something from falling off.
7 - Don't forget to head back to the front and grab that pizza!
8 - Head to the cash register at Walmart and notice that the line goes almost all the way to the back of the store on every register. Stand behind the two beautiful women that are getting real comfortable with each other. Nice.
9 - Notice for the first time that the load you are carrying is not only unwieldy, but also getting incredibly heavy.
At this point you can try to switch your hands around or shuffle an item here or there.
10 - Try not to become irritated that you have only moved a few feet after 15 minutes and that you are still in the middle of the store waiting in your line.
11 - Try resting the 24 pack of water, that has everything else stacked on top of it, on a clothing rack so that it takes away some of the heaviness.
12 - Sigh loudly.
13 - Move 5 feet up with the line.
14 - Get to the front register after half an hour in line, and half an hour picking out your groceries with your arms shaking like crazy from holding your groceries.
15 - Slam everything down on the counter so that everyone in the entire store quickly glances in your direction. What's up with that guy?
16 - Take all your stuff to your car, and rub your sore arms while you close the trunk.
17 - Vow to use a cart next time.
18 - Don't use a cart next time.
THE END
My wife was reading this and made me give you an upvote. I think you are a knucklehead.
Just really tired after lifting trays and listening to people talk in my ear all day. I appreciate the upvote.
I'm not saying I agree, but the comment is funny.
Wait! Now you're watching me in public?
Great minds think alike.
Number 12 is the most important rule: "Sigh loudly."
Always involve other people in your drama, as much as possible. if they don't notice you are having a terrible time, maybe groan a little, maybe even suck teeth, a little.
This is how we define ourselves as men. :)
That much is definitely true. If I'm having a bad time everybody needs to know it.
Grocery shopping is a horrendous inconvenience. But it has to be done.
(I use the small 1/2 carts or a basket)
I've never seen those little carts at this Walmart. I usually pick one of those up when I see them.
Thanks for the view inside your head. I kept waiting for you to say that after all of that, you forgot the pizza. :)
Nope, I burned the crap out of it and ate the whole thing.
LOL !! yuck....
I am a 34 year old Male and for some reason I love grocery shopping. For me its a way to wind down at the end of the week and collect my thoughts and its kind of serene.
Well I guess it's okay if you kind of allocation amount of time for it. However, if you're just stopping at the store on the way home then it's kind of a madhouse.
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STOPhahahahahaha my favorite one is #12. so passive aggressive! me likey LOLOL