Note to Self #2: Choosing Understanding over Retribution

Image

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, retribution is defined as a form of dispensing or receiving punishment, especially as a compensation for something that was done.

I am constantly reprimanding inconsiderate drivers on the road in my mind, because I want them to be more considerate, especially if they cut me off. It makes for a rather unpleasant drive, but easily forgotten. A really unfruitful quest for retribution nevertheless.

But recently, I found myself feeling irked by a very dear friend. I felt her tone was harsh and I had had enough of it. It is easy to want retribution to prove the other person wrong. And I wanted so badly to tell her off. But if she never understood why I was upset it will all be for naught. What is the point of deliberately pointing out mistakes just to prove myself right. Nothing righteous about it.

1. SHIFTING GEARS TO AN UNDERSTANDING MINDSET

I was upset yes, but there was no point in getting both parties worked up. I sought understanding, and it shifted how and what I wrote. It was not spiteful. And she responded in kind, she never had malice in her heart, neither did I. In fact I have to give her all the credit her for being loving, wise, and compassionate.

The loving space and a useful insight from my friend helped me review my thought processes, to locate the faulty perception. It allowed me the grace to adjust and realign myself.

The thing is, we often have moments when we are met with that thought when we've had enough, be it from a particular person, or a pattern. That enough coming from a long history laden with past perception which we carry of our own volition and has nothing to do with the other person, if only we took time enough to see it.

2. REVIEW INTERNAL BELIEFS AND PAST CONDITIONING

When we think we are being treated a certain way, often times there is a small part of us that believes this and hence will jump to vehemently defend. A wise person gave this brilliant example once, if someone called us a tree, we would not think much of it, we would not believe it as it is not true. But if someone called us stupid, and we react, there must be a tiny part that believes it, even if it was from a tiny incident as child, we would jump at the first hint with fists at the go mentally.

We often seek to reset the balance, we seek for something to be set right. We want an apology. A form of compensation, whether we like it or not, that's how we tend to react when we have perceived and judged based on our beliefs and past history. When we have sentenced the other to the crime we have perceived, we have no choice but to seek retribution and justice, and with that ensues varying degrees of disagreements.

But if we seek to understand the person,it situation our focus shifts away from a blame mindset. Better yet when we first look within to take note of what gave rise to our anger or frustration we give ourselves the opportunity to see and choose differently.

I do not speak of a helpless state, but a very active state of engaging love with utmost courage, fearless authenticity and wanton openness.

Here we can truly stand on neutral ground and find both parties a better way to communicate.

3. SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER TO ACCEPT DIFFERENCES

Or as it sometimes happens, it can be one sided, then do we want to beat our view point in, till they are senseless, or do we accept that is a different way of thinking, and move on?

As the saying goes, anger is like drinking poison and hoping for the other person to die. Is it wise to drink the poison, holding on to our anger and justice when we know the time isnt ripe? Can't we simply move on? Not all battles are meant to be fought, in fact none of them are.

4. CONSCIOUS OF WHAT WE SHARE

Worse yet, when we aren't able to do anything, we then find a good listening ear and berate the person who has upset us. It may feel good to release a burden, but for that moment in time we have not only had one upset individual, but two upset individuals. We have now shared the poison amongst those we love.

It's not that we should suffer, but wouldn't it be more helpful if we went to our loved ones and friends to work together to find solutions rather than bitch about a problem? And where no solution is in sight, have the kindness to release both parties with compassion, walk away from the situation completely.

I like to think making the world better starts with me, with more love I inject, to better my experience of it. ;) Especially with a little love and understanding towards myself.

Just a crazy radical thought on love, that's not so crazy or radical after all.

Much love and light.