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Stuck in moments of uncertainty

How do you act or react when you are stressed, about to get your period, and unsure of how to handle a situation? I hide. I hide behind work. I hide people my workouts. I hide behind endless hours spent watching t.v. Anything and everything that keeps my mind off the problem and my body as far from it as well. I freeze and hold as still as possible. Waiting for the moment to pass. Waiting for it to resolve itself. Waiting for me to snap out of it.

Side note: How can a person, like myself, be 100% fight in moments of danger and flight in moments of uncertainty?

Travel with me.

Dreaming of travel has never been mine. The desire to see friends came from joining Steemit. I love meeting Steemians in person and getting to know the icon on a screen in real life. I knew then I couldn't live off Steem, but maybe I could do what never seemed possible. Travel to see the world and the people that make worth visiting. Could I blog my way to you? I knew I could, I knew I would, but I didn't know the emotional toll it could take. The crypto market when emotionally vested can be a cruel partner to take on.

At this point, I thought my travels would be set and stone. The funds in place for any and all last minute travel needs. It isn't and not having control over that makes me want to lie on the floor and cry.

Grow with me

Instead of crying or praying like a sane person. I grabbed a cutting tool and destroyed my hair. Mind you it doesn't grow quickly and this one might take a while. We are doing every treatment to encourage growth, and praying it works. Thankfully only two people noticed and said anything. I have never been so grateful for people lacking attention. Instead of counting my blessings I grabbed a second plate.

I've been oddly hungry lately. Eating and repeating unlike myself. I should have noticed when I started eating meat again that this would happen. Growth in the waistline cannot only be blamed on stress. With thirty days before my trip, this too had me concerned. You see I have to pack light for this trip. My clothes need to fit in order for that plan to work. Like anyone wanting to bring order back to the chaos, I start working out regularly.

Add salt to injury

Playing volleyball Monday nights have been a regular event for most of the year. It's not competitive, its good fun most of the time, and a wonderful workout. Most people are overweight and end up hurting themselves. They hurt their knees, their shoulders, and backs. In sand, volleyball injury can usually be avoided. Unless you jump and roll your right foot with another player.

Nothing is broken. Healing is going well. Then I went to Walmart and was attacked by a sidebar that walked into me and my left leg aches less these days. Let recap, I freaked out about funds for Europe, cutting my hair too short, overeating, and injuring myself. Last week was rough. Most of the post this week was written during those challenging times. Friends, please be patient with me this week. I am doing much better. I needed a place to vent. As you are reading this now, I am in church and that is my favorite place to go when I falling apart.

If Brazil hadn't lost the World Cup they would be playing now. Maybe even as you are reading and named Champions for the sixth time. They did lose, but I didn't because joy comes from believing that hope doesn't fail.

It changes with time.