Welcoming 2019

Today is the 30th november of 2018. And it means, 31 more days before the beginning of a new year, and possibly a new you.Although a little bit too early to introspect this year, I want to get ahead planning 2019 goals and travels. But before that,let me take you into my 2018 and things that I counted as personal achievements and lesson I learned in 2018.

Would you like to join me? If so,let's log them under #welcome2019 and see each other achievements,accomplishment, lessons, and experiences. Let's be grateful for little things in life that matters and welcome 2019 with more positivity.

These lists I made are things which I remembered about my days during 2018. There might be some details or events I missed and even people I forgot to tag. But please know, you are all awesome.

Content and trigger warning: There might be something triggering but well, I bluntly wrote my experiences in this compact lists I made.

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January

• [x] I decided to travel full time after I splited up with my partner.
• [x] I worked 11 hours a day trying to live the dream of digital nomad- remote workers.
• [x] I started to explore several cities in my countries.
• [x] I stopped caring about school and decided to stop temporarily even I was still registered.
• [x] I was very depressed and emotionally unstable.
• [x] My alcoholism was at its peak.
• [x] I wasted the money I earned on things and superficial friendship.
• [x] I did not care about my health and was in a constant denial.

Looking back, it was a rough month. I was still in a transition phase of becoming the person I am today.

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February

• [x] I could not stand my current lifestyle and problems so, I decided to see my family.
• [x] I traveled to see my adoptive mother. It was her birthday and I want to make her happy.
• [x] I took her to visit a theme park and showered her with gifts.
• [x] I also traveled to meet my dad and my step mother, I showed them what I did by working hard more than I have ever been in my life. I basically just want to show off.
• [x] I booked a ticket to Kuala lumpur, Malaysia. I was mindlessly doing it. I had no fixed travel plans but there, I met amazing people.
• [x] I constantly faced troubles with centralized financial system and grew more fond of cryptocurrency.
• [x] I had several suicidal attempts.

February was the month when I tried to find a consolation. I reconnected and mend my broken relationship with the families.If i could not fix my personal problem,at least there was something that I could do. It proved me that my family (my adoptive parents) would always be there. I learned to accept our world view differences.

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March

• [x] I landed in KL and I met @joannewong even @nomadicsoul. Both are very lovely ladies and full of inspirations. I am truly grateful to come across them in my life.
• [x] I made a friend in the hostel I was staying at KL. Even I didn't talk to him anymore, I am very close to his girlfriend. It's mysterious how life turns out.
• [x] That trip changed my world view. For the first time, I gained more confidence that I could do anything if I put my mind into it.
• [x] I continued working hard as I could and grew fond of traveling. I decided Singapore will be my next destination.
• [x] I was still in constant denial of my health. I skipped my herb quite often.I was also chugging vodka and beers like there was no tomorrow.
• [x] I missed my only bestfriend in town. She left without explanation even I tried to reach out several times. Maybe I was a dickhead. So back like in january, I tried to buy friendship. And it didn't last.
• [x] I started to put myself out there. I tried to go on a date. It was horrible.Later, I was exposed to more awful things that changed my view about relationship.

March was crazy. It was one of those months when time feels like a fleeting moment.There is even pop song that can describe this month perfectly with its catchy tunes (Bloodstream) by The Chainsmoker.

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April

• [x] I made a lot of new friends. Now some of them have becoming one of people in my close circle.
• [x] Life was a little less somber even I still had episodes.
• [x] I tried to face my problems by consuming alcohol and the herbs more than I should.
• [x] I was working excessively to forget my problems.
• [x] I cared less about anything other than money, things, and temporary pleasure.
• [x] Even I know minimalism, it was not compelling enough to help me face my problems.
• [x] I gained more weight, since I used food as comfort.
• [x] I made new friends in town.We hung out a lot but I made little effort to see them. We got to visit a remote beach where I had my first bikini shoot. I loved it and for no reason, I had more confidence than ever.
• [x] I realized something had to change as I grew older.

April was that month when I realized everything was a huge giant mess. I also tried to change myself because I was about to turn 21. However,I started to become something completely different from my nature, a complete extrovert and a social butterfly.

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May

• [x] I was cockier than ever. By nature, you can say I am a little arrogant. But it was more when I felt like I had the world in my hand and things figured.
• [x] Several days before my birthday,I traveled to meet a friend who I encountered during my trip to KL.
• [x] I also met my summer flings.
• [x] I turned 21. It marked my legal age to drink but hey, I've been drinking since 12 or 13.Yes. As early as that.
• [x] I had a thought be a full time nomad.
• [x] Eventually,I started growing tired of working.I became lazier and only relied on my savings.
• [x] This month marked the time I burned all of my savings.
• [x] I booked one way ticket to Singapore.

I think I turned to be more confused 21 years old girl rather than an accomplished twenty year old something.

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June

• [x] I grew tried of everything. I traveled to Singapore with my summer flings.
• [x] I did not enjoy my visit. I was only watching netflix in the apartment while occasionally going out late at night because my date(a.k.a the summer fling) was busy working.
• [x] I didn't know when to go back. I loved my stay there but the guy was going to move to Malaysia in the next 5 days.I had no place to stay. So,I decided to fly back.
• [x] It was a hectic month. There was a celebration in Indonesia. I ended up having three flights before even reaching my room.
• [x] Most restaurants and shops were closed.I ended up surviving on instant noodle and cereal for about couple days before my adoptive dad fetched me.
• [x] I was planning to live as a digital nomad in bali with my new friend. We had startup ideas in mind and hoping we could work from bali then moved to thailand.
• [x] I went home, met my highschool friends and flexing all of my stories to them.
• [x] I booked one way ticket to bali.
• [x] Then, I moved to bali and I didn't want to return.

June was one of my favorite months. I moved to Bali and I thought I could continue my life as a professional remote workers. Little did I know, I was only a tiny fish.

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July

• [x] I had a massive fun in Bali. It was very refreshing to meet a lot of new people. I got to feel what it was like to be fully independent.
• [x] I lived the so-called digital nomad life. I admit, it was fun but Bali was not suitable for working at least for me.
• [x] I learned that no matter where I go, If I am not at peace with everything in my life, I would never attain any fulfillment.
• [x] My friend and I, we didn't work on our startup ideas.We forgot about it. We were just two bunch lazy assholes trying to burn our savings.Our freelance jobs were not making as much as before.
• [x] Our days soon turned to be somewhat nightmare-ish.
• [x] I met @nomadicsoul again! and this time, @detlev and also @ekavieka.
• [x] I met some people whom I considered as "what happens in Bali, stays in Bali."
• [x] I applied a remote job as an associate in a blockchain company. I can tell you that much, I have not even finished my study. I only made it through the first interview and they didn't contact me for the second one even it was scheduled. It taught me lessons.

July was fun. I visited a lot of places which I hadn't in the past. I discovered hidden gems and private beach.I slowly realized that my life was a giant mess with all mental distress I had. I also thought about going back to school.

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August

• [x] I experienced earthquake which still haunts me even till today.
• [x] Goodbye Bali, roommie and dogs.Y'all be missed.
• [x] I decided to go back to school and tried to love it once again while still waiting and hoping for that blockchain interview.
• [x] I slowly realized that I need more solitude. I need to get away from everyone and everything.
• [x] I went back home. I thought I'd find a little peace of happiness there, I didn't.
• [x] Eventually my school days started. My only goal is to attend classes everyday.Unlike my previous 3 semesters which I religiously skipped all of it.
• [x] I started to reflect my life. With every good and mishaps I experienced, I decided to declutter my life radically.
• [x] I slowly realized, I need my herbs and stopped on a denial of my health.
• [x] I slowly stopped drinking too.

I was extremly fatigued of the lifestyle I lead. I started to question,"how long this all will last?". My creativity was gone too. I slowly regretted everything I did even maybe those were not wrong. I was lost, once again.

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September-October

• [x] I am back to my study town. I am back being a student. No . No more working, nothing. Goodbye a super convenient life.
• [x] School took the best of me. I tried to attend most of my class.
• [x] I did not forget to swallow that herb. It helped me a lot.
• [x] I threw a lot of my possession and decided to be more vegan.
• [x] I cut people off from my life, toxic ones.
• [x] I forgive everyone and make amends with my past.
• [x] I cut my hair very short and felt liberated more than ever.
• [x] Even I failed to deliver most of my assignment but my attendance rate was spiking compared to last 3 semesters.
• [x] I still feel odd to be back to school surrounded by students who have no idea how job market will crush their dreams easily especially without practical skills.
• [x] life was just very usual. It was completely different from what I experienced before.
• [x] I learned to code again but eventually school took the best of it. I thought to land my self a job in the industry but no. School is and will be there.

September- October were just all about school. I tried to be a good student. I might have failed but at least, I know there's some improvements with my attendance. It was difficult for me to adjust with no job, no adventure,it felt like living in a prison.

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November

• [x] For the first time after a period of solitude, I was on @clayboyn's coffee and philosophy podcast(show).If you haven't checked it, don't forget to.Even only listening to recorded show, you will still learn a lot.Even better if you come live on the show- which I always missed since it's often my lunch/busy time.
• [x] I learned to listen my body, meditate, took my herbs more regularly and in a proper dosage.
• [x] Things slowly made sense. I knew exactly what I want for next year.
• [x] I learned form my past adventures, I need a more sustainable remote working lifestyle.
• [x] I picked up my old interest, swimming.
• [x] I learned to be a sane, washed adult and no more escaping from my problems.
• [x] I even stopped drinking, completely.
• [x] I started working out, enjoying nature, deleting all the things that caused unhappiness.
• [x] I restricted my technology consumption and focusing nurturing my current relationship.
• [x] I read more books more than I've ever been for the past one year.
• [x] I managed to get my financial record somewhat clean.
• [x] I am deeply grateful for my current relationship with my surrounding.
• [x] Today, I am writing this with a smile on my face.

November was a healing month. I slowly embraced life as a student. Let it be like that for sometime until I am more ready to be on a crazy adventure.

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I did not include December because in that month, I will be focusing more on planning 2019. Basically I have exams too. So my energy will be directed towards that.

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Thank you for everyone who reads my posts and follow my adventure for the past one year.
To all the people I've came across for teaching me valuable lessons. To all my good friends, @marillaanne, @whatamidoing, @vincentnijman,@guyfawkes4-10, @clayboyn, list are endless.And all the people over be awesome discord, @ocd team(@fukako,@anomadsoul,@acidyo,@sardart, @jeanpi1908, et all), travelfeed (@for91day, @gabrielatravels, @matkodurko, etc).And all the new friends I made. I am truly,deeply, grateful for the good and the bad experiences.

Even you're still 31 days away, I am ready to welcome you, 2019.

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Are you ready to welcome 2019? What are your goals? resolutions? or maybe do you want to join me writing a reflection on 2018? Don't hesitate to make a post about it.

Ps : I know @matkodurko might be interested in doing something like this.

See you in 2019!

Signed, M.