Bottle

in #life5 years ago

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Hey Boomster, you have a good new year?

Said one of my colleagues, Foosty Baws as he entered the meeting room.

Aye, it was magic.

I said with satisfaction as if I were a squirrel riding a horse.

Good, good.

Replied Foosty Baws.

He placed his water bottle on the table before him alongside his notepad.

It was a very tall water bottle. Made of metal with some fancy chilli pepper design on the side.

I marveled inwardly at its height. It must have been at least 12 inches and not man inches either.

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Foosty Baws made a great show of unscrewing the lid before taking a small sip like a kangaroo in a drought supping from a withered teat.

How was your new year?

I asked to be polite even though I didn't give a fuck how his new year was.

It was good, thanks.

Some woman from Finance came in. We both nodded at her. She had a new-looking metal water bottle too. It was bright red and shiny with a big metal hoop at the top like a pirate's earring.

It's glittering stirred my inner magpie.

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I looked at my shitey old water bottle. Cheap plastic, scuffed from aeons of drinking. I felt slightly embarrassed.

The door slamming open startled me out of my bottle envy. Everyone looked up as El Jefe banged his way in and sat down.

We all here?

He barked as if he were addressing a cast of thousands.

El Jefe opened his bag and pulled out a gargantuan blue metal container. He clanged it down on the table. It looked like an oxygen tank.

He wrestled with a complicated looking catch on top of it and a small spout sprang out which he then swigged from.

He slammed it back down again with a deep clonk and sighed like an old leather sofa being viciously sat upon.

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Right, let's get started then. Oh, hey. Hang on, what's that?

El Jefe, frowned at something on the table. Something in my direction.

Everyone looked in the direction of his gaze which seemed to have fallen on my water bottle.

I picked it up and gave it a waggle.

It's my water bottle. You know, to drink water from?

Everyone winced.

What?

I said with genuine bafflement.

No-one had an issue with my water bottle before the festive break. I hoped that there weren't pictures doing the rounds of the office showing some scamp rimming himself with it whilst I was on holiday.

El Jefe broke the disapproving silence.

Nobody drinks from plastic bottles anymore.

He stated with a lofty arrogance.

They don't?

Deep down, I was starting to wonder if this was one of those stress dreams.

Foosty Baws leaned in, his earnest little face looking like two crabs fighting.

No. It's bad. Micro plastics you see. Safer to drink from metal bottles. This one was only twenty pounds, a bloody bargain.

Foosty Baws stroked the side of his expensive metal folly in a disturbingly familiar way.

Only twenty? I might buy two!

I lied with a big deranged smile.

They all nodded happily at getting another convert.

Inwardly I sighed. I think I will have to go thirsty from now on.

Sort:  

Oh please, these wankers got new bottles as presents this year...it's not like they all suddenly 'saw the light' at the same time. But shit it's true...I realized the other day that the plastic bottle makes the water taste like...horrid fill-in-the-blank.
My prob with the water bottle craze is the same prob I have with the carry-your-coffeemug-everywhere craze....what's wrong with people needing a baby bottle everywhere they go? suck suck suck....just blecccchhhh! Keep all that slurping to yourselves, peeps!

(THere, I've said it! I feel better now ;0)

Hehe, I have the same problem. I am more of a drink something then go kind of person. These days though, you can't be seen to move without a bottle or cup of some kind!!

I totally get the metal versus plastic thing. I almost feel over when I saw the price of them. You are totally right, they will all have been presents, lol!!

ooh, I just gave your comment a big upvote, lucky you;0) That cursur has a mind of its own.

but I was thinking about all the coffee to-go mugs we have here...oy, my husband has like 4 of these no-spill tops that have double-duty lock systems. I finally go and use one the other day and the darn coffee spilled all over the place! I thought 'oh it's broken. $12 bucks down the drain.' HE laughed at me....Truly I"m a novice ;0)

Hehe, so you did!! I have done that Lisa of tones, usually when I am most concerned about my VP, lol!!

The good lay is quite taken with those kind of one's too and they have these elaborate kick things but still leak everywhere. I am like, just use a cup!!!

so I was at my singing group tonight....lol....Look at all the water bottles!!

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Hehe, that's what it looks like alright and there to the left is the equivalent of mine, the tatty old bottle!

You know the real story? They all got them for Xmas because their families didn't know what else to get them.

I know plastic drink bottles are not the healthiest, but metal or glass bottles are a) awkward to carry around and b) the water doesn't flow out of them properly! That's why they're taking tiny sips.

The little sips are funny, hehe! I love a plastic bottle.

I would be a tad disappointed if I got a wter bottle for christmas, but I am a fussy bugger :D

Hah! I will have to copy this pic for later use. I don't even know how I would use it, it just cracked me up. Nicely done.

Foosty Baws stroked the side of his expensive metal folly in a disturbingly familiar way.

I... don't want to know what that means, especially not in context of your earlier man inches comment.

I hoped that there weren't pictures doing the rounds of the office showing some scamp rimming himself with it whilst I was on holiday.

Dear lord! That's one image I don't want in my head. Thank you ever so much!

Hmm. Not sure 'twas the sitting.

I liked the inches thing too, hehe!

It was a strange day of metal bottlery!! And poor old me with his cheap plastic thing... Bottle I mean :0D

Hmm. Right, 'course that's it. Though you did just throw a whole new light on that whole "rimming" thing

Aye, that would be a terrible thing wouldn't it!

And more fool you for thinking it was water they were drinking.

Metal Bottles disguise the content so much better.

That is a very good point! Goodness, perhaps it might be a worthy investment after all!!

Then again, some decent vodka can pass for water in practically any bottle.

I had friends way back when in high school who would walk around with water bottles full of... "water" all the time. They rather enjoyed their school experience, though I doubt they learned much.

Might have backfired a tad on them in later life :0D

Metal's too heavy to carry on a hillwalk. And it might give you... aluminium poisoning? Hmmm... maybe I'll just check Amazon.

It would be fair handy if you wanted to donk someone on the head though :OD

I'm ordering one right now :)

A new semi-religious craze for the tragically hip. What was wrong with a hip flask? Water poisoning to all of them.

A hip flask is definitely the way forward!

I like metal bottles. My kids have gotten new ones that were presents and some for aesthetic reasons but the metal bottles I got them seven years ago remain in awesome nick aside from a few dents unlike their plastic counterparts 😆

I only carry water if I know we’re going on a day trip and not likely to find water fountains because it’s heavy after a while.

Also, I take the lid off mine. Though tiny sips suggests bad lid design to me 🤣

Ps a metal bottle (especially full) is an awesome bludgeoning weapon. Not that I’d know 👀

Posted using Partiko iOS

I was thinking of the bludgeoning aspect! It makes me ever so helped to truly join the gang :0D

Well at least they're not plastic about plastic. They're not wrong, but I really hate those people who police other people thinking they're the shit in the world's moral fiber.

I had a joke about plastic, but never mind. It's a waste.

Boom boom!! Lol, that was rather funny!

I hate them too, do they think we don't know if the poor state of the world's affairs!?

They probably think they're the only ones who know about the state of the world! The nerve!

Exactly, I don't bury my head in the sand for nothing, no sir!

Exactly, I don't
Bury my head in the sand
For nothing, no sir!

                 - meesterboom


I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

Today my niece had a water bottle with her. It looked plastic and tall, but I didn't inspect the inside, so not sure about that, but what I AM sure about is that out of nowhere, part way through the visit, a light came on in the bottle. "What's that?" I said, to which she told me that it comes on when you need more water ! What ??? Yes... .I guess you have to program it, but according to what your height and weight is..... and the weather, it lights up when you need to be drinking more water. You may need more some days than others if the air is dryer.

Please no..... just no. :)

Good grief, that is 21st century madness and no mistake. A step too far definitely!! Lol

it's always nice to read your article

Bottle snobs... fuckin wankers they are!

I know!! It seems to be the 'cool' new thing!!

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