Short

Hey, Boom. How are you doing?

I looked up in some surprise from the incredibly important two line SQL query I was in the middle of writing for someone.

It was my old frenemy, Bitcoin-Boy. I had once sold him some bitcoin with which he had gone on to trade with. He was not the most technically proficient and purchasing some had seemed beyond him.

At the time, I thought I was helping.

Unfortunately, when the markets crashed spectacularly he blamed me personally for getting him involved in a fucking scam, as he now liked to call all Crypto.

I'm good, fucknut. How are you?

I asked affectionately.

His friendly smile broke for a moment to let a sullen glower at the fucknut bit through.

With what looked to be a mighty piece of self control, he took a deep breath and painted a big fake smile back on his face as if his mum had told him to be nice to me.

Haha, fucknut. Very good. I like it.

I made a face as if I were a duck and he had just thrown me wholemeal bread.

You like it? Alright then. Fucknut it is!

His face clenched like a Spaniard's fist.

No!? No. I don't like it. I just meant... Oh fuck it you know what I mean? I was being nice!

I nodded my head sagely.

You were being nice... What for?

Bitcoin-Boy pulled up a chair and sat. His face was a strange mix of confusion and fear. A bit like a dog that has swallowed a vibrating sex toy.

You're into all that crypto shit, aren't you? I mean, you have been into it for years?

I tilted my head toward in acknowledgement. He was right, thanks to Steemit, I had been into all that Crypto shit for years now. Fancy that!

Yes.

I intoned in a smug cryptonautic way.

Bitcoin-Boy took a deep breath as if readying himself to lift a big looking weight and not shit himself in the attempt.

Have you ever shorted anything?

He said with a forced air of casualness.

What, you mean like in Trading terms?

Yeah, like that.

He said, looking down and picking at an imaginary something in a finger nail.

I kicked back in my chair and guffawed loudly.

No, that way lies madness for us mere mortals.

Bitcoin-Boy swallowed hard.

Really?

He asked.

I leaned in.

Listen, matey chops. Going long or short on crypto is like spunking onto a pile of money then setting it on fire.

I laughed long and hard as if only a mental would do such a thing.

Bitcoin-Boy looked stricken as if realising for the first time that his newly purchased, sexy Russian wife was actually an Alaskan Goat.

I stopped laughing and peered at him closely.

Wait. Why? Have you been shorting crypto?

Bitcoin-Boy raised himself slowly to his feet.

No, of course not. That would be stupid.

He turned and slouched away, head down.

You really didn't, did you?

I yelled after him.

He flipped me the bird and continued with his dejected looking walk.

Oh dear, I think someone's mother is going to be very cross with him...