Act Your Age (Because That’s The Only Age You Can Be)
Most of my youth was spent looking for a shortcut to being older.
When I was young, I was always looking for wisdom. My father taught me about the foolish mistakes young people make and how to avoid them. I studied my Bible, especially Proverbs, to learn about the behavior of fools. When parents widely regarded a behavior as immature, I was sure to avoid it.
Don’t do drugs. Do work hard at school. Don’t drink. Do pick a career that makes money. Don’t stay out late. Do eat healthily. Don’t wear revealing clothing. Do be very selective about who you date. Don’t sleep around.
In a way, I got what I wanted. At age twenty, I…
- had been running my own business for five years
- had awards for my work with that startup
- was in a long-term relationship
- had a lease with said partner
- generally “had my shit together.”
In a lot of ways, it was as satisfying as I hoped. After all, it is good to eat right and take care of yourself. It is nice to get to bed at the same time every night and wake up every day feeling rested (more or less, in my case).
But because I skipped right to that stage of my life, I felt that I’d missed something. There was always a part of me that regretted not living in a broken down off-campus house. I enjoyed going to bed at the same time, but the fact that I did that every single night bummed me out. When the urge struck me to go to a party or stay out all night drinking, I had no one to do it with.
When that long-term relationship broke down, and I decided to switch careers, it gave me a huge opportunity. I was only twenty-one years old. I could try again at this responsible adult life I’d built for myself, or I could… take it easy. The way I always wished I did before.
As you may have guessed from the title of this article, I decided to take it easy for a while. And boy, am I glad I did.
Before, I was always privately wondering if my friends were right all along. If I was being suckered by authority figures.
What I’ve learned is that yes, I was missing out, but no, I’m not being suckered.
There’s a reason people want to do these things in the first place. And sure, there are risks. I’m going to make mistakes along the way.
At the same time, it’s natural for my parents and other adult figures to warn me off. They remember the mistakes they made, and they want to save me the pain of making mistakes as well.
The thing is, you can’t get through life without making mistakes. I tried to live life like that. I focused on always doing the wisest thing wherever possible. While trying to avoid the ‘normal’ mistakes, I made a whole host of terrible mistakes of my own.
That included a lot of mistakes, but the worst mistake was regret. That’s what happens when you live by someone else’s rules. For every minute you spend living by someone else’s rules, you have a minute of aching regret when it’s all over.
My dad said it best.
You can’t get through life without making mistakes. You can do what I did and make my mistakes, or you can do what you think is best and make your own.
This might sound like I’m rationalizing the desire to make irresponsible decisions. And yes, that’s happening. But also, consider this: this is the exact advice we give young people who want to get married.
When people say they want to get married young, everyone around them balks. They say “You haven’t experienced enough of life yet.” “You don’t know enough about yourself yet.”
How are people supposed to know themselves if they don’t get out and live life? How are people supposed to have the base of experiences necessary to make these sorts of decisions if they haven’t, well, experienced anything?
Why would this advice be wise for marriage, and not any other major life decision?
I’m looking forward to being more settled again sometime in the future. When I’m in the right stage of life for it.
In other words, at the right time.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
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