Fear of Failure
I think the fear of failure stops us all from doing certain things. Dreams are often feared, almost as if they’re nightmares. I fear a lot of things but the thing that haunts me the most is living. It’s the fear of day to day life, of doing the same thing day in, day out. Of having to stick to the same routine every single day until you’re old and frail. I don’t want life to be that way, I don’t want MY life to be that way. Maybe some people like routine or enjoy knowing exactly what they’re doing every day, I guess I’m not one of those people.
At the moment there’s no excitement in my life. I booked myself a holiday back to England just to spice it up a bit. If I didn’t have this holiday planned then what would I be working towards? The future? A future where I’ve worked full time since I was 17 and didn’t stop until I was 60? In the same boring job with the same people, that’s not something I actively want to work towards.
Life is boring
It’s boring until you make it interesting. It’s not going to get interesting on its own. If I hadn’t taken the initiative to book a holiday then I’d be doing nothing this year. If I didn’t start blogging then I probably would’ve given up on my writing dream completely. Your life is what you make of it and I know it can be hard sometimes. It can be boring, uninteresting, and almost lifeless. I often feel as if I’m living someone else’s life, like this one isn’t ‘designed’ for me. I need more adventure, more experiences, more passion, I just need to figure out how I can do all these things when I have little to no spare money.
Maybe I need a new book to read. That’s where I get my adventures from, especially when I’m broke. I’ve been reading one called ‘The Choice’ for months and I just can’t seem to finish it. It’s an amazing novel written by a truly inspiring author but I can’t seem to sit down to read it. I’m not losing my interest in reading because I know I love it. I just want something that’s going to take me to another world for a while, something that I can escape into.
I loved The Hobbit and I love fantasy adventures. I think it’s because our world can be so shitty at times and so repetitive it’s refreshing to indulge in a good adventure novel. Until I can afford to fulfil my spontaneous nature I think I’m going to have to stick to reading.
I could also try to find some new walking spots with my dog. The only thing is I don’t like walking in ‘unknown territory’ by myself. I love going through forests ect but at the same time I wouldn’t want to be alone, I don’t trust strangers at all. This is why I could never travel alone, I’d just be watching my back the whole time. I hate that I’m like this but I especially hate that this is just the world we live in. But hey, what can we do about it?
I told you all that I was going to start writing my novel. It’s true, I am. Although I’m not sure when I can get the courage to actually start. I’m scared of failing, of not being good enough and of people not liking my work. I don’t let anyone read my work, anyone I know in person.
My family and friends are banished from ever reading my work. I left my writing book at my parents house last night and only remembered this morning. My parents are naturally very nosey people so I know they’ve been through it. It’s been bothering me all day because I’m very protective of my work and I hate the fact that they’ve read it. I can’t do anything about it now but hope they don’t bring it up. I don’t want them criticising the story or my writing style. I just want to write my novel and whether people like it or not is their choice (Just don’t tell me about it). I’ve got to get over this fear of failure because it really is holding me back from fulfilling my dream.
Anyway that’s it for now.
Until next time,
Meliss
So true ! Sometimes you just have to go for it.