_{Being nice is hard with a full tank of gas and no trees around.} ^{"As I eat my cereal, I can only think about one thing."}

Bring bring bring! ^{(That was a chainsaw sound effect.)}

Hello and welcome to Anger Management class!

^{A free course on how to prevent injuring those around you!}

I am Mr. Himself and I teach things when regular teachers call in sick with the shits or a hangover on a Friday morning.

The other day while I was waiting for some asshole to finish preparing my coffee, I was pushed.  This angered me so I turned around and said, "What the fuck, man!"

There was nobody there.  Then I looked down and that's when I realized I said the f-word to a four year old girl dressed up like a little flower.

Everyone was staring at me.  I stared back; said nothing.  Turned around; waited for my coffee some more like a gentleman.

If it wasn't for my training,

I probably would have smashed that establishment into smithereens and lit the rest on fire.

The kid's mom got all up in my face and I didn't even break a sweat.

If this was five years ago, I would be busy telling these "parents" to keep their wild little demons on leashes then offer a free subscription to homemade Ritalin from a guy I met on the dark web.

How was I supposed to know some moms are cops?

^{It was Anger Management class, or jail.}

Obviously, you're here because you don't want to go to jail either and since I lied on my resume, I guess I'm here to teach you how!

Being qualified to tell people how to act takes great responsibility.  One must walk the walk.  Merely talking the talk will only get you so far in life.

Since you're all assholes in need of my help, I think it would be best to start with a demonstration.

For some, the sound of my voice is all it takes for you to become triggered.  For others, it's my outdated hipster mustache.

You need to know that it's not the sound I'm making or the way I look that is "wrong" with this world today.  Your ears and eyes and simply broken.  It's your fault.  Deal with it.

For only ten dollars

^{I'll sell you my video.}

Mr. Himself?

Yes?

I thought you said this was a free course!

Calm down!

^{Do you want to fail!}

No.

Then sit down and shut the fuck up.  I'm the teacher!  You're the asshole who needs my help!  Everyone seems to know this except for you.  Why!  Are you stupid?  Did someone put a cloud where your brain should be?  Smoke too much dope?  What's your problem!

You're not supposed to talk to me like that!

Says who!

^{Do you want to get up here and teach this class?}

Do you think you can do a better job than me!

Go sit in the hallway and think about what you've done!

No!

Bring bring bring!

Oh my god he has a knife!

That's not a knife!  It's a cha-cha-cha... CHAINSAW!

You see how I handled that, class?

^{One must simply cut the anger out of their lives.}

If you can't do it yourself, I'm here to help.  Everyone on the planet has a small part of their brain that makes them do stupid things and I know how to fix it.

So buy my video!

Any questions?

Credits: _{All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me. "Are you sure you missed me?"}

^{© 2018 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.}