Perspectives on Truth: A life lesson from Steemit

in #life6 years ago (edited)

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Tonight, well actually the last few days, I've had an awful experience that provided a wonderful reminder. The details don't matter much but the lesson is one that's important to learn. Perhaps by the end of this blog, I will have learned it for the final time, or maybe this will help others recognize it in their own life.

Each of us lives in our own world, with our own views, with our own sense of self, and self-righteousness. There are few of us living that don't feel that last one when we are challenged.

And all of us talk about truth as if it's an absolute. But it's never absolute, though it certainly feels that way to us at the moment we are facing something that contradicts us.

Examples, please...

Here's a simple one. What color is the sky?

Most people would probably say blue. Some might be difficult and say cyan. Others might say grey with a hint of pink.

Ask the same question during a colorful sunset and you'll get an even larger variety of answers.

Too simple? Not enough potential for disagreement?

I'm going to get a little personal now, so be prepared.

One of my ex-husbands was an alcoholic. One night I found an empty bottle of vodka hidden in a box in the cellar after he swore he wasn't drinking anymore.

I confronted him with it. I knew it was recent because I'd been in that box not long before.

But imagine this. It wasn't his. He swore it wasn't. It must have been my brother's from visiting the week before. It didn't matter my brother doesn't drink vodka. And he never went to the basement.

It didn't matter how much I waved the bottle in his face he denied it. At the time I was furious. I couldn't understand how he could look at me and say it wasn't his. There were only two of us in the house and I didn't drink!

In this example, it's obvious what the "truth" is right? The bottle was his. Yet he denied it. There was no convincing or getting him to admit that though.

I won't get into the psychology of alcoholism in this post. But after years of living with him and supporting him through a treatment program, I finally realized that to him the bottle was never his.

His perspective never did change. His truth was always going to be different than mine.

So what's the point?

Pick any topic and you can find people on either side or sides, of the issue. People fight, even kill one another over what they consider the truth.

But all of it is unnecessary.

It's cliche, but if we could all just agree to disagree on things we'd be so much happier. We don't need to make other people believe or see things the way we do. Usually, that's a lost cause because it is so hard to break through our perspective, to step aside and see something from another's point of view.

It takes work to see someone else point. It takes stepping away from what you believe to be the truth and being willing to see a different truth. You may still not agree with it when you do, but you'll be the better person for it.

The more we can expand our perspectives, worldview, knowledge, or experiences the more we'll be able to understand our fellow humans. When that happens we can have civil discourse, even including disagreement, without it devolving into name calling, personal attacks or violence.

It takes at least two

I'm certainly not perfect - very far from it I assure you. I give my honest opinion and feedback when asked though, and honesty is one of the personal attributes I both admire and strive to achieve in all I do.

Often I get in trouble for being too honest. For example, that is what started the awful experience that prompted this post.

But when I encounter conflict, whatever the cause, I try to reason it out, ask questions, find the root of the problem to see if I can help. Sometimes I do this better than others.

For that kumbaya moment to happen though, the people involved need to be willing to step back and see the other person's or people's view.

Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to understand the other person, all you get is a continued barrage of accusations, misunderstandings, or even attacks.

In these cases, all you can do is step away from the situation and wish them well. My guide to doing this is Wayne Dyer. I've read his work and saw him talk in person years ago. But the one thing I remember is the following quote:

When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.

Always choose kind, because even if you are right the other person may never be able to see it. And the damage you'll do to one another in the process of proving you're right isn't worth it. It never is.

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Wish them well, walk away, and be kind.

Easier said than done I know, but with a little effort - and time - it's possible.

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All images are mine or licensed from Adobe except where noted.

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It's nice that you took the time to put this in perspective.

Sometimes these people have another name. Bully. Plain and simple, through gaslighting and playing with words and absurd ideologies. I think the world has one on display on a pedestal....Trump!

In a way, I am thankful for Trump because it has helped me recognise this behaviour in others. Even as recently as a month ago, unfortunately I couldn't do much about that situation.

In yet another recent one, it was easy, I simply walked away. Those of us who try our best to be kind unfortunately have our hearts taken for a ride. At some point we just have to see it for what it is, cut it off and move on knowing we've tried our best.

The bully will continue slinging mud, but we are not obligated to stand there to receive it.

I love your integrity and heart. Hope you find some peace in your heart and some calm waters to grow and thrive with your beautiful voice and work. Hugs xx

Thank you again for all your support - especially this public comment.

I thought about using Trump, global warming or even vaccines as my examples but I didn't want to go controversial and lose the point of what I was trying to do. But you have a great point.

The mud washed off thanks to knowing my own self-worth and people like you!

ntowl!! Thank you so much for sharing this. It's been a long time since I've been inspired by such a personal post. Pieces of kindness all seemed to spout the same message in the same list-style fashion.

I appreciate you sharing your personal experience of this so much, thank you. I resonate so much with being too honest sometimes, thank you for inspiring me (and others) to be kind.

I don't want to sound like too much of a kiss-ass but this is a really beautiful post, thank you.

Thank you for your kind comment. You're doing great work!

I love this! I try to remind myself of this once in awhile when I feel like some people are being unreasonably evil. I remind myself that their perspective is vastly different from mine and their view points are formed by their experiences, which are also vastly different from mine. In the end being kind is always the better option.

Keep going girl your kindness will be rewarded in the end! :)

  • Iris

It's often hard to see at the moment, isn't it? But I think the more we become aware of it, the more we're able to spot how we're responding sooner. That's my goal at least.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Iris.

Thank you for your honesty and openness. Sometimes it is better to just walk away instead of insisting your right to be right. It is more honourable to show others kindness and give yourself dignity.

You have also inspired me that it is okay to stand up for yourself by just walking away. There is truth and wisdom in this conscious decision. It doesn't mean that the other person wins because really, no one wins.

I still love to be a part of your writing class. You make everything simple and clear. Thank you for all your support and encouragement. Much love ❤ ❤ ❤

Us poor humans, we're so fragile these days. Understandably so, given we live in a time where so much is crumbling and ending and we're sometimes not sure there will even be a new beginning.

I keep trying to remind myself that this is why people are so reactive and close-minded and unaccepting of allowing others to have their own perspectives. Now, we are so fragile and so caught up in the thin abstracted thinking characteristic of our times that we actually take offense at other people daring to be themselves. We are threatened by it.

It's not a very dignified way of treating each other, is it? I just hope for times of renewal where us poor peeps are less stuck in fight-or-flight and more able to yield and open.

It's bloody hard work though, isn't it. Over and over again. I get disheartened by how closed off and threatened I can feel by other people's own closed-off behaviour. And round and round it goes. But like you said, it's just being willing to stop and walk away if need be to where you can reopen to another's difference and treat it with dignity. Ouch. But lovely.

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