Don't Put Off Visiting Your Grandparents

in #life5 years ago

Time Flies Faster Than You Think

When I was a kid, my grandma and grandpa were two of my favorite people in the world. I can remember being little and my grandparents taking me to get my first puppy. They let my sister and I pick out two little white dogs which we named Rocky and Schatzi.

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I showed a lot of interest in computers when I was little, but we were very poor and there was no way that we could afford one. My grandma Lucy (pictured) worked at K-Mart in the cafeteria almost her entire life. She managed to buy an Atari 800xl on a blue light special which she gave to me for my 7th birthday. It was easily the best gift that anyone has ever given to me.

My step-father was in the military at the time, so we were constantly traveling around. I don't even think that I got to thank my grandma for that amazing gift. It is something that I regret to this day. I am pretty sure that she knew how much I loved it, but I don't think she has any idea how much it would end up changing my life moving forward.

Too Much Time Lost

Years went by and I ended up living all over the place. I thought about my grandmother often but for some reason I hardly ever talked to her. She would ask my mom about me and my siblings but we just really fell out of contact. Before I knew it, decades had passed. I remember one time I was visiting my mom and she had grandma on the phone. I went ahead and had a little chat with her.

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After speaking with her for a few minutes, I began to realize that she could hardly tell who I was. I hadn't been around for so long and dementia had taken hold of her. Immediately afterward I sat down on the couch and the gravity of my mistakes started to weigh on me. She was in my thoughts all the time, and I continually told my friends stories about my wonderful grandparents but I hadn't gone to see them or talked to them for a lifetime.

Still to this day I just don't understand why I never picked up the phone or went to visit my grandmother. My mother had a bad relationship with her mom because of an abusive father when she was a kid. I think that she kind of held a grudge for most of her life and this sort of passed on to us kids subconsciously as she talked about it often. But when I look back, grandma was just such a sweet lady and never meant any harm to anyone. It wasn't her fault how her husband behaved, and in fact she divorced him when she realized that he was abusing my mom.

The End of the Road

A few months later I was down in Florida and I got a call from my mom that grandma was in the hospice and didn't have much time left. Everyone in the family got up to Dayton as quickly as possible and we all met up at the hospice. All of the photos in this post were taken on that day, two weeks before she passed away.

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When I look back at these pictures, I get a bittersweet feeling. For one, I am very glad that I got to see her before she died. On the other hand, it makes me sick to my stomach that we all waited until she was completely gone mentally, and almost gone physically to finally go to visit her.

The whole time we were there she was gazing around the room aimlessly talking about a 'tree wall' that didn't exist. She would break out crying, followed by completely silence as if she was never crying. Then she would smile, followed by a look of confusion. I really don't even know if she knew that we were there. The whole thing nearly brought me to tears.

Time To Make A Change

This all happened a few years ago and it profoundly changed the way that I interact with my loved ones. I know that I can never change all of those years that I didn't spend with my grandma. But I can change how I behave moving forward. Not long after this, I got in contact with my 87 year old great aunt who I haven't seen since I was a little kid. It turns out that she always wanted to have me in her life but didn't want to bother me. Since then, we have become very close! I try to call her and visit her as much as possible and we always have a great time together.

Of course now I am regretting all of the time lost with her as well, but at least I can spend some time with her now. I think that the point that I'm making with this post is pretty clear, but please try to take the time out of your life to maintain connections with the people that you love.

You may find that you spend an awful lot of time thinking about that person and perhaps even talking about them - but hardly ever actually interacting with them. Don't make my same mistake! You will really miss out.

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What a great story - I only seen this now, should have sooner! It resonates with me. Aside from my sister, there is hardly anyone left in my immediate family. A cousin I have not seen in years. I am the patriarch but no clan to "rule" over. Everyone passed on by now, and my sons are an ocean apart from me (last time I seen them was 3 years ago, though we talk on Facebook).
Most people I had worked with are gone. Since coming back to Austria after my mom died in 2010, I had made friends in the artist community and then lost them again, going from one funeral to the next.

All of this really makes you wonder about the meaning of it all. It sure does emphasize the truth of impermanence. As we get older, the people that we knew start dying off at an exponential rate. It's at that point that we realize that the world we are in today is vastly different than the one we were in before. Such a bittersweet thing.

I just ran into a auction in Vienna where the very first wheels I ever owned as a teenager are sold. So looking back and then thinking: this was just like yesterday! Lohner Sissy.JPG
some 60 years ago!

I agree with you that we should always make good connections and should visit our loved ones.

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I also regret never have to be with my relatives down south in my mother's side of the family and spend some time even for a while and it is too late now.
But in the other hand I am glad that I did spent some time with my relatives up north with my grandmother but I am not a favorite of my grandmother so at least I was able to be with her and my aunt and cousin there. Sir @nuthman

I miss my grandma so much, visiting her once I'm done with my exams

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An amazing story @nuthman and I completely agree with you that we should always remember our loved ones, especially grandmothers, so that later we should not regret the missed time!

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Wise man that you get it at your age. It took me longer. Bittersweet realization. The chance to reform, but never undo.

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