"THANK YOU FOR COMING TO OUR TOWN" & "MY KIDS WOULD NEVER DO THAT"
Sometimes, people say the most interesting things.
About a month ago, a couple people told me two different things that both stood out to me and have remained with me. As I've thought about them since then, I've gained some insight and drawn some conclusions. I'll share each scenario with you now, and hopefully it'll give some of you some food for thought.
"THANK YOU FOR COMING TO OUR TOWN"
We traveled to a nearby town at some point around the Fourth of July. Before the activities began for the evening, we stopped in at a Mexican restaurant for a meal. The restaurant was pretty full, but everyone was enjoying their meals and it was also rather quiet. We were seated next to an elderly couple.
I suppose I can imagine what they were thinking. Here's a family with five small children and the dad has dreadlocks, most likely they may have thought that their pleasant meal was over. I've seen how much just one small child can ruin the atmosphere at a restaurant, and most likely these people have too.
While any child can struggle with appropriate behavior, our @little-peppers did rather well that night. When the elderly couple arose to leave the restaurant, the man called me over. For about the next five minutes, compliments were repeatedly given. He was incredibly impressed with the behavior of our children, and even said, "Thank you for coming to our town." I found this to be a most peculiar thing to say, as I had never heard that before.
The woman had worked with small children for many years prior to retirement and was very fond of children anyway, so she really enjoyed watching the family eat together. The @little-peppers all gave her a hug goodbye to bless her, and the couple went on their way. His repeated compliments and interesting statement have stuck with me though, and I'm glad that they couple was blessed that evening.
"MY KIDS WOULD NEVER DO THAT"
The second situation was while we were at a local river. After wading across the river and climbing across some rocks, we realized that we did not have everything we needed, since we had left some supplies on the other side. I instructed Pinkie-Pepper and Red-Pepper to go back and grab a few more items, and they promptly climbed back over all the rocks and waded back across the river.
A lady nearby told them, "You kids should be very proud of yourselves," then, she looked at me and said, "My kids would never do that!" It struck me as very odd, since all they did was obey a simple instruction. If they are to become prouder every time they obey their parents, they would probably become overrun with pride, which would most likely ruin them.
The second statement, "My kids would never do that," is what really stuck out to me. The lady was basically saying, "My children would never obey me." If we consider that for a moment, we would probably realize that this is not the kids fault, but the fault of the lady. Simply put, she chose to raise disobedient children. Now her children are already a grief to her, and soon they will head out into the world and we will all get to deal with them.
I almost thought about starting a "slow clap" and shouting, Way to go, Mom!" But, I'm not really like that these days. Perhaps it would have helped her see the situation from another angle. In my opinion, she had basically said, "I did a poor job raising my children." While this may not have been her intended confession, you don't have to read too deeply into it to draw that conclusion.
Personally, the only reason that I'd take my children to the river to enjoy some time swimming and fishing is that they will obey me there. If they won't obey, they don't need the blessing of enjoying activities like that.
It is not the purpose of this post to brag or talk about how great I am. Trust me, and if you don't believe me, read my previous post to see how "great" I am. I was just reflecting on these situations for a while and thought that some of you may gain some insight and encouragement from them. Hopefully it helps! Be blessed!
As always, I'm @papa-pepper and here's the proof:
proof-of-raising-children
Until next time…
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My family always acused me of being to strict with my daughter. They said that since we had to work so hard as children they wanted their kids to be kids, to play. They could work when they got older.
I was always careful to make sure that my daughters chores were physically and mentally something she was capable of.
Taking opportunities to teach and expand her knowledge and experience. In my eyes I was just trying to raise her to be knowledgeable and skillful enough to care for herself!
Respect yourself and respect others.
When their children came to my house for visits I treated them exactly the same as my daughter. They were expected to be kind and respectful. If chores needed doin well we all did chores.
I gave them the same "strict " treatment I gave my own child.
They worked till they were tired, they ate their fill of healthy food around a table of love and security. They laughed and talked about the days adventures.
They would cling to me and beg to stay when their parents came. The parents always dumbfounded by their child's desire to stay and "work".
If I complimented them in front of their parents for their wonderful behavior and their contribution....
Their parents would give them "the look" and ask why they didn't do all that at home.
Children CRAVE guidance and they want to contribute. They want to learn new things. They want to follow the leadership of their parents...... All the parents have to do is lead. Offer their child the security they so desperately crave through guidance, leadership and love .
I enjoyed your post but I must admit it made me miss my daughter. They grow up way too fast. I am very proud of the woman she has become.
I am also very proud after all these years to be the favorite Aunt. Apparently, Love and discipline last a very long time👍
Well said @sugarcreek!
Thank you @heatherthebard!
Thank you so much for your comment. I wish more people understood such things these days!
I admire your dedication to your family. I did the best I could raising my daughter but I got caught up in the rat race and lost valuable time. I'm glad that YOU understand the importance of avoiding that trap! I really enjoy seeing your kids growing up in the lifestyle. Very inspirational.
Their smiling faces say it all.
Blessings to you @papa-pepper
It is hard to explain what you are doing and what others are not.
We don't have proper words, for things like "the proper amount of control".
We have overbearing, freewheeling, bossy...
Children need structure to grow. The proper amount of structure.
Children need enough rope to hang themselves. They have to be allowed, sometimes encouraged, to try things. They need to be able to fail, recover, and try again.
What usually happens today is kids are coddled too much, appeased too much and lack any real world experience, context, or skill.
See, you have set boundaries early and often.
You have given your children tasks and let them do them.
And so, little by little, they have learned and built up their motor skills.
So, that poor lady...
Her kids probably would say, "why should we do that? What's in it for us?"
Your kids probably would say, "we all work together so we can have the fun together"
This comes from repeated experiences of you setting the example.
Yeah, the proper understanding about raising children can be elusive. Most lean away from control and structure...
Summary of interesting and meaningful happy families.
Lovely photos and great post. Yes, I believe that it is the parents' responsibility to raise respectful individuals and children who are obedient to their parents as kids.
Amazing post
I'm no expert but I think having a strong nurturing bond with your children is the foundation for well behaved children. They return the love and respect they are given.....they want to please you. You spend an incredible amount of time with them. Quality time. Bonding time. Many rat race parents can't do that and it shows. The children are insecure and frustrated. They feel like an inconvenience and so treat the parent the same. Children reflect back what it directed towards them. Your children are HAPPY. Unfortunately, this is not the norm anymore.
Yeah, unfortunately it is not. Thanks for your comment, it makes me all the more glad to have given up the rat race!
I ain't no rat!
Nice post and like post
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Things have changed a lot dear friend @ papa-pepper, before it was common to thank the strangers when they visited our town, to tell the truth a long time ago I did not listen, and as for the education of children, when the mother had to leave to work outside the home the children were left in the care of third parties, which made the education change, today the children are not as obedient as before.
congratulations for the beautiful situations you have lived
I wish you a wonderful weekend
BUT... but... I hate to sound like my grandma or parents...
Nowadays kid just don't listen... it's all about them.. if nothing is in it for them, why would they do something they're told or asked to do... kids nowadays are lazy... and on and on...
you get the idea.
By sharing BOTH these stories, you have shown us with your storytelling how you have influenced and raised your children to start his or her journeys into being responsible, respectful and good contributing members to society.
Thank you @goldendawne!
What a great post @papa-pepper. A child finds security and learns the best respect for their parents from learning to be obedient. They need boundaries and rules ( sensible ones obviously ), you can see the obvious unsettled nature of a child without boundaries and it is a sad thing to witness as the child is actually suffering. I love those Mexicans for blessing you with their beautiful comments. Well behaved children are almost a minority these days so do take a pat on the back for understanding child phsycology and being an awesome dad. RESTEEMED! 😍🤗
I totally agree with you. When I was a child we had to obey. If I wouldn't have done what my parents told me I would be grounded for long time :) That was not ideal way of raising children but it kept me motivated :D