Dealing With Bullies - A Simple But Genius Way Part 1
Every human has to deal with bullying on a regular basis. It happens in schools, homes, relationships, at work, on the trains and even in our homes over the TV. This trilogy covers and links to an amazing video that in just a few minutes teaches you how to deal with bullies. It is actually kind of mind blowing.
Bullying can happen at very subtle levels without our even knowing we're doing it or that it's being done to us. We might be excitedly nagging our child to get ready for school. We might be trying to move a relationship forward with someone we adore. It might be an ideologue (someone fanatical about a belief) pushing their idea of politics on us or it might be an encounter on the train.
This post is part of a trilogy
- Dealing With Bullies - A Simple But Genius Way Part 1 (this post)
- Dealing With Bullies - Three Kinds Of Manipulation
- Dealing With Bullies - A Simple But Genius Way Part 2 <-- The best part, go straight here if short on time
Kids and in particular girls can be brutal. Watching the psychological "games" that get played amongst my daughter and her friends can be heart breaking. One week her best friend is her bestie. The next week they are frienemies then enemies then back to besties the next week. This is hard on my little one. But it's a part of life.
Beneath the surface layer story line of "you said this - no I didn't" is a power play. That is what manipulation is. It's a play for power. That inherent human need/addiction we have to feel power. And let's face it, that makes sense because power is intimately related to survival.
Bullying and manipulation can be large and loud, even physical. But more often than not it's subtle. Hidden below the surface and neither party even realise it's happening! It might be aggressive aggressive or even passive aggressive.
The trouble is what does the bullied do? They tend to push back. To hold their ground. They get resistant. So either the bully has to raise the bar until the bullied acquiesce or they don't get their way. It's a win lose game with hidden consequences.
Being able to identify bullying and knowing how to deal with it is a powerful life skill. Knowing how to maintain your dignity without being a door mat to a bully is priceless.
Not Always Obvious
A lovely sweet woman I know was really into her man. They had been seeing each other for a while and she wanted to move things to the next level. He was enjoying her and the relationship and was quite happy as things were. But she wanted to know how he felt about her - just how much did he like her, what his plans were? Did they include a long future together, living together? So she nagged him. She kept asking in different ways. She wasn't getting the answers she was looking for so she would end the relationship ("if I can't see you this weekend then it'll be too long before I see you again and I can't do that - implication being end of relationship). But then she would regret it and retreat back from that because she didn't want the relationship to end. She would get a hint of what she was looking for and for a month things would settle and be wonderful. Then the cycle would repeat itself. She would talk for hours, working through her thoughts, asking him and asking him again in different ways.
What is relevant about that dynamic is that without realising it she was actually doing a little bullying. She was trying to move or get the other person to do/say something by repeatedly talking about it and asking questions with small manipulations in there. It actually fits into the category of intimidation through fear. She was doing it out of love and attraction to him. She wanted a long term relationship with him. She had no intention of bullying him, she's not a "bully" - yet without realising it she was! It's subtle.
The next post explains Dealing With Bullies - Three Kinds Of Manipulation
Want to get straight to how to deal with a bully? Dealing With Bullies - A Simple But Genius Way Part 2
<-- The best part, go straight here if short on time
Great post!
Thanks for tasting the eden!
Bullying is an awful part of life that unfortunately never seems to go away! I wish there was a cure :(
Hi @beautifulbullies thanks for your comment and your very generous vote, it is appreciated. I see you are a supporter of bullies of another kind :)
Yes it is a vexed issue with no end in near sight. That's why I think that education is important. We cannot eliminate it (because it happens at so many levels) but we can learn to identify it and know how to wrestle with it with grace.
As a meditation teacher, looking at the long long long term view I do see a time when it will not be an issue but this is a loooooong time away. The underlying mechanisms for such behaviour are about power, fear and survival. They are a natural part of our evolution. But once people experience pure contentment on the inside the need for power and therefore to bully diminishes.
Girls really do have it tough because it's more or less a competition, with guys it gets more physical but with girls it's psychological and that tends to last more than physical bullying, often the trauma suffered goes on for years to come.
Yes the mental trauma can not only last a lifetime but it can pass through to others like our children.
I want to take a moment to show my gratitude to @o07life for his generous support of my work here and many others. For those into this community check out @o07life as he has a discord channel dedicated to bringing content creators together to support each other.
He's also another brother from down under so that's automatic points! :)
https://steemit.com/teamaustralia/@o07life/75zfc2-here-are-the-5-winners-of-my-weekly-steemit-quality-content-sbd-reward-program
Congratulations!
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Thank you!