What do you want?
One thing I always wanted to be good at was drawing. I love to spend time on websites like ArtStation and look at the work of amazing artists who have the ability to create amazing things. I'm often jealous, and I would love to be like them.
However, I cannot draw. I never could. I had very few moments in my life when I made something that looked decent, something I was proud of. However, in 90% of times, whenever I tried to draw, the results were horrible.
This applies to a lot of things I wanted to do in life. I always admired people who were good at math, but I never managed to get good at that myself. I always admired people who read a lot of books, but I don't always read as much as them. I always admired people who can code, but I never managed to learn how to code properly.
And that kinda demotivated me in my life, not being able to do everything I wanted to do. After all, you can see a lot of videos on YouTube that tell you that you can do anything you want, that you can learn anything you want, and that you have the ability to become whoever you want.
If that's the case, then why can't I become the person I want to be, the one capable of drawing, reading a lot, coding, and so on?
I think that there are many answers to that question, the main one being that I didn't try hard enough. However, there's one thing I keep thinking about from time to time, and it's the fact that I never really desired to be what I admired.
Let me explain this better by talking about what I can do best right now - writing. I seem to have some sort of ability to write. While others struggle to come up with articles that have 200 words, I can easily write one that has 700 in less than 10 or 15 minutes. I'm not bragging about this ability, since it's not something I learned to do. I just have it. It's not my achievement or anything. It's pure luck.
The thing is, I do not consider myself a writer, even tho I kinda am one. The reason is that whenever I say the word "writer" I think about people who wrote and published books, who are recognized for their work and who maybe even make a living writing. I, on the other hand, write for the sheer pleasure of it. Sure, I'm making some money here on Steemit with my work, and maybe I'll make some money on Medium as well, but I'm not writing solely for money.
Right now I consider myself to be a simple person who writes, instead of thinking of myself as being a writer. However, if I'd want to improve at this particular skill, if I'd want to write and publish books, to become a "pro", then maybe I would have to tell myself that I want to become a writer, which, somehow, may help me have a clear goal in mind, and that's becoming really good at writing.
I hope all that makes sense.
It's the same with drawing. I would love to draw. However, even if I could do it, I wouldn't call myself an artist. The fact that I want to learn how to draw is kind of an understatement because, in reality, I would actually like to become an artist. I just don't say it, mainly because I don't think I can become an amazing artist.
And because of that I sometimes wonder if I could be more motivated to learn how to draw really well if, instead of saying "I want to be able to draw", I would say "I want to become a great artist".
Same with programming. I never considered becoming a programmer, or calling myself one, even when I was learning how to code. However, what if I would once again start to learn to build websites but this time I would say "I want to become a programmer" instead of "I just want to know how to code a thing or two".
Maybe the "titles" I avoided in the past so much may actually be the reason I failed when it comes to learning certain skills. After all, how can I become an artist without accepting the fact that I want to become one? How could I become a great writer if I don't even want to call myself one? How can I become a programmer if all I want is to be able to code a thing or two?
Using titles such as "artist", "writer" or "programmer" may be exactly what I and others may need to learn certain skills. It may not make a huge difference when it comes to how good we are and how fast we can learn. However, it could give us a better idea of what we want to achieve and determine us to stick longer with the learning process.
And who knows, that may even apply to you. Maybe you also have this silly problem that made you fail so many times in the past. Maybe you also failed at learning something because you didn't think you'll ever be good enough to give yourself a "title".
After all, we can become what we want to become. But if we don't truly want it, then how can we expect to get there?
I think this is the quandary you face:
As I read your post, you seem to have vague ideas of the various things you could be. As a career counselor, I would advise you to pick one, find the best short term and cost effective training you can find, commit yourself to it and go for it.
If after a month or a few months or a year, you really do not enjoy it or show talent, or feel fulfilled, scrap that and go on to the next.
I faced this in my early 20's. I had no idea what I wanted to do and someone told me I would be a good accountant. I did not know a thing about it. I took a 6 week course in bookkeeping, loved it and then decided I would go to school and become an accountant.
Midway through college, I decided I really wanted to be an engineer and switched majors for one term. Well, no. This was not for me, so I switched back.
It took 7 years part-time to get my 4 year accounting degree and become a CPA. Then, I had a hard time calling myself an accountant for about a year after that. Wasn't I still a bookkeeper?
No. My degree gave me respectability in the world of work. Finally enough people showed me that respect and an accountant I became.
I am a weight loss coach and author now and never do any accounting. But look on my profile here and everywhere and what is listed there anyway? Accountant, since that is what I am.
So, pick something and try it. This is your one life and only you can live it. You do not want to get old like me and wonder what it would be like if only you had tried.
Thank you very much for the advice!
Right now I'm kinda stuck, and I think the main reason is that while I have a few things I'd like to do professionally, I don't want to pick one, then regret not choosing something else later.
However, as you said, I must become something.
At this moment I'm interested in coding, and since I have some previous web design/development knowledge, I decided to relearn the things I once knew, work on a few personal projects and then find a job doing what I know.
It's been a while, and I'm tired of not being able to do anything really well. As you said, I must become something, and since I like coding, being a programmer sounds good to me.
I still like a lot of other things, so I will keep writing, designing and working on 3D models as hobbies.
But it's time for me to choose what I need to become, and I'll do what you said - I'll invest a month or more on a particular "course" for web design/development, see if I truly enjoy it as much as I think, then some more time working on a few projects, then finally, get a job.
After that, I'll decide whether the career I chose was exactly what I wanted or not. If it is, then I'm gonna focus on it as much as possible. If not, at least I'll have a skill I'll be able to use whenever I need to sustain myself.
Thank you once again for the advice!
you can do two thins as well. Go hot and heavy on one of them 6 days a week and the 7th day is for the other. Or even 30 minutes a day on the second project can work.
This would be a great project to blog progress daily on steem. Getting input might be very helpful for you.
I do not have any idea what it is, but coding is hot right now, I see it come up in a lot of places. I hope you do well. act with strong intention and you cannot go wrong.
Thank you, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
I'm already trying to form a habit out of spending at least 1-2 hours a day coding, and after I start getting used to that, I'll increase the amount of time I'll spend doing that activity, until I get used to spending 6 hours coding a day, like I used to.
I'll also focus on 3D once in a while, since I like it and, in the future, it may help me when it comes to coding as well.
Then there's work and other things I need to do, like writing and designing.
I just need to find a way to balance everything. However, one thing's sure: I'm gonna start dedicating more time to coding, and I'll do my best to become a programmer.
Thank you once again for all the advice!
Good for you @raikuhen! It sounds like you have a plan. I hope you will post your progress here - maybe weekly? You are not the only person who faces this issue. The action you take can help others. I will be happy if you tag me in any post you do like that. Best of luck, and don't give up!
That's a great idea, thank you!
I will start doing something like that, probably every Friday, both about 3D modelling and about coding. This will probably help me constantly have an idea of how much progress I'm making and, who knows, maybe other people may pick up a similar habit.
Thank you once again for the idea (and for all the advice), and I will tag you when I'll publish the articles! :)
I personally always became someone/something that I didn't even know I wanted to become. My studies have nothing to do with the career that I was building for years and I never dared to say that I wanted to become someone/something else. I was feeling like I was closed in a cubicle and I couldn't get out. Now I know what I was to be and I clearly name it. I do work towards it and it might take me some time to achieve it but I will get there. I agree with you that it's important to name what/who we want to become. It makes it easier for us to make a plan and develop ourselves to that role. Having clear goals makes everything easier.
I'm glad that you found your passion in writing. I do like to write but it takes me much more time than you :)
Many people are afraid of saying who they want to be and what they want to do.
Some are afraid because of what others may say about them.
Others are afraid of failure.
Others are afraid of success.
That often leads to people studying things they don't care about, becoming something they may not want, and having careers they either hate, or ignore.
Knowing what we want to be may solve a lot of those problems, at least temporarily. Even if we can't start becoming who we want to be immediately, it's good to at least keep it in our mind.
I'm glad you figured out what you want to become in time. The things you studied may be useful in future, and what you do right now, may help you as well at some point.
As long as you know where you want to go and what you want to do, and as long as you're aware of the effort and time it may take, you'll make it.
I think that kids nowadays have more support to decide what they want to do. I had no idea what to study and there was no help or advice so I just decided to something for sounded cool - yeah, my childish brain at that time. I am happy that I finally found my path and that I work towards my dreams..
I attended a workshop yesterday and someone said something interesting. It was about knowing what we don't want but not knowing what we want. And it's so true. So often we know exactly what we don't want but if someone asks us what we want we stay surprised and quiet...
It's interesting to see how our thinking works and that most of us actually don't know what they want..
True, kids nowadays are encouraged to do what they want, mostly because it's more and more obvious that college and formal education isn't the way to go if you want a job any more.
You go to college, you pay God knows how much money, and when you get out, no one guarantees you a job. And, if you live in a place like the US, then you're also, probably, $200,000 in debt.
So yeah, it makes sense that kids are encouraged to do what they want these days. A kid who learns how to code on his own, at least in most areas, can have equal chances or, in some cases, even more chances of getting hired than a person who went to college and did nothing else.
Related to what you said about humans - yes, it is known that people don't often know what they want.
I've read about several experiments were people were asked what kind of partner they were looking for, and after they answered, they were offered to spend time with a completely different type of person.
After some time, the people who said what type of people they prefer suddenly started changing their "tastes" and began to want to spend more time with the people they recently met.
So yeah, often, we don't really know what we want. In a lot of situations, we don't even know what we don't want. Sometimes that can be seen when doing something as simple as refusing a certain type of food, just to later discover that we actually like it, or when we refuse to get a certain job, even though, after a few weeks there, we discover we love it.
I agree with you. The formal education nowadays doesn't guarantee you a job. But the question is how come? Is it because they take people who are not suitable for this education? Or is it because the whole education system is simply built wrongly? If I could turn back the time, the thing that I would change would be my education. You lose so many years of your life studying something what you might not even use..
This is an interesting study. But I can see how it works. Often we think that we are attracted to certain type of people, could be because of our prior experience or simply because these people are perceived as cool. But then when we get to talk to someone completely different we realize that this might be the right direction for us..
I agree with you on the certain type of food as well. I used to hate tomatoes when I was a child and let me tell you that I've never put a tomato in my mouth. A few years ago I've tried them and I actually quite like them. It's not the love of my life yet, but I'll get there..
Sorry for my late response. I've almost missed your comment..
Don't worry about late responses, I usually respond fairly late as well because I focus on working on other things.
The educational system was built for a good reason - to prepare people to work in factories.
It was made to teach people the basic things they would normally need to work in factories, follow the orders of bosses and do their job.
It was also made in a way that could normally teach you a few basic things you'd need so you can take care of yourself for the rest of your life.
And it worked really well years and years ago.
Sadly, times change, and the educational system refuses to see that.
We don't need people in factories any more. Those who own factories will always prefer to hire a machine to do a job 10 times faster and maybe even better than a person, without asking for a salary.
Yet, even if that's how things are nowadays, schools still prepare you to work in factories which is useless.
Kids should be taught other things, like creativity, since that's really important nowadays, or code, to take care of the machines that will work in factories.
But that doesn't happen and it won't happen any time soon. I often think about where I would be right now if I would've learned how to code at 15, instead of being forced to learn 13 different subjects at once.
Sadly, nothing's gonna change soon, and, the way things are right now, after we're done with school, we usually have to spend a few other years learning what we need to learn to get decent jobs on our own.
That's just how the world works at the present moment. We just have to learn things on our own and, if we'll ever have kids, help them do the same.
Hi raikuhen,
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Thank you very much for the support, I really appreciate it!
Thought provoking post. I can relate to some of your frustrated aspirations.
in regards to writing, I agree with you
I mostly do academic writing, critical theory, cultural studies, and the like, but I have tried to write fiction and poetry and some people have liked it, but still I can think of myself as a writer.
I think that some things we admire in others and can't get for ourselves have also to do with natural talent.
Take singing, for instance. I'd 've lived to sing. I admire singers and dancer. I can dance, basic stuff to get a long in a party, but I never tried to become a dancer and I can't sing, period!
I know people who got into some choir or singing group to learn some of the fundamentals and "educated" their voices, but singing is a natural gift and not all of us have it. That's a realization I can live with.
Most young kids suffer a lot because of their inability to undertand how this talent thing works and their unwillingness to accept their limitations.
It 's just a matter of exploring what we are good for and thn devoting all our energy to developing that talent.
Natural talent does play a role as well, like in your example. Singing is something a lot of people would love to do, but can't because their voices are not fit for that activity.
Sometimes I also think we're more or less ignorant towards what we have, and we always want to do what others are doing.
For example, even though I can write fairly easily and it usually takes me very little time to write articles, I am still jealous of those who can draw and create amazing pieces of arts.
Sure, I have a talent of my own, but creating characters and environments using a skill like drawing is awesome.
And I'm sure there are a lot of artists out there who can draw really well, who ignore their skill and are jealous of those who can write really well, or those who can code or model 3D characters using a software like Maya.
It may have to do with natural talent, but I think it also has something to do with wanting something we don't have, something we consider cooler than our own ability to do something.
Yes, there is something about being human that makes us be illogical, irrational, impossible to satisfy. Even global conflicts end up being the result of a leader capricious desire for a land he deems more attractive or profitable than his. We may have plenty and yet we want more.
We tend to associate crime with poverty, but what to make of rich kids who commit crimes? In theory, they have it all, and yet, they feel the lack something and fill that void with stupidity; it may also apply to celebrities.
The grass always look greener in the other's yard.
That's exactly why I think we should always know what we want, and, most importantly, what's enough.
I realized that when I started making plans for the future. Usually, when you imagine yourself having a bunch of money at some point in your life, like most people do, you think about owning a big house, with a cool car, awesome clothes and expensive food.
The key is to make sure you actually desire those things, and that those things will actually make you happy.
If you cannot do that, then you'll constantly chase something bigger and better hoping it will bring you happiness, and it never will unless you know, more or less, what's best for you.
In my case, I realized that having a big house and an expensive car won't make me happy. I don't like driving that much, and I like small and really organized houses a lot more. I also like healthy food, so I'm not gonna go crazy for anything expensive. And clothes... I like simple and cheap things.
So, I'm not gonna waste years of my life saving money to buy big expensive houses/cars/food/clothes, and instead focus on buying exactly what I'd like.
Wanting more is within us, and we're always gonna want something else, because, as you said, the grass always looks greener in other people's yards. But knowing, more or less, what you want, instead of blindly wishing to have what others have expecting the same happiness to come to you, could help you live a more relaxed life, one in which you'll have focus and a clear goal.