Sort:  

Wow. I really admire your brutal honesty and your courage in sharing that. I actually read that whole thing (only skipping over the gifs that I felt would give me a seizure) and found the entire article a facinating look into your life and mind. There is so much in there that I want to coment on but theres no way I really could.

One part that stood out for me was the part that you were discussing re: "How to proceed from here?" It sounds like you have already reached that place in your journey where you realized that all of those earlier pursuits that are common among us all (success, wealth, fame, stardom..etc to name a few of the common ones) were actually just meaningless pursuits of the ego. With that realization often comes an understanding that Ultimately, in a bigger picture sort of way, life is meaningless. It is our minds that give life meaning in order to keep us going forward. But I think there is power in realizing that as well. For instance, It sounds like music is something that you are gifted in (talented and passionate about). So Is it possible to, knowing that life is meaningless, dedicate a part of yourself to music anyway, simply to learn more about your own potential in that one field? When we stop a certain pursuit in life we basically crystallize our potential, tying it to that moment. It becomes defined by the place that we stopped and there is no way to know just how far we could have taken it. By pressing forward we eventually push the limits of our potential further. On the level of self, there is no real point of this pursuit other than curiosity and hopefully enjoyment. But what's the alternative anyway? Living a meaningless life while also doing nothing (I.e. wasting our time on things we do not enjoy and that do not add anything to the world).
The other question that goes along with that would be - is the alcohol and drugs necessary for that process? It seems to me that the love and light route represents a growth oriented journey whereas the alcohol and drug route represent a destructive route. Both routes can, and likely would, produce extrodinary - but different - music. It sounds like you are at a crossroads in deciding which to choose, among the many other crossroads in your life that you described throughout the post.

Anyway, that's my interpretation and thoughts on what I read. Maybe I'm way off base?

Posted using Partiko Android

Now that is a comment! 😎

Wonderfully said. I particularly like this bit:

When we stop a certain pursuit in life we basically crystallize our potential, tying it to that moment. It becomes defined by the place that we stopped and there is no way to know just how far we could have taken it.

Even though it’s kinda self-evident, it’s a great way you worded it.

As for the drugs & alcohol part... of course, no.

And it’s almost sorta misleading to have even blurted it all out like that, as I’m definitely past the point of even being able to go to excess. At this point, I don’t push my body beyond its limits - so the whole idea of the super messy sex, drugs, and rock & roll fantasy really is that - as much as there is a part of me that’d love to experience, it’s surely not going to happen. Hell, I don’t/can’t even smoke weed anymore! Haha! I don’t foresee complete abstinence from scotch & wine anytime soon, though would be much more realistically moving in that direction rather than excess...

I think I understand. Our minds are always thinking, naturally. But the thoughts in the moment do not necessarily reflect our inner intentions and/or desires for ourselves. They are just thoughts in the moment which eventually pass.

Posted using Partiko Android

And equally as true:

“But the emotions in the moment do not necessarily reflect our inner intentions and/or desires for ourselves”...

I've got nothing... I'm just going to set my upvote right here and be on my way with this one :) Good luck!

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.36
TRX 0.12
JST 0.040
BTC 70846.59
ETH 3567.69
USDT 1.00
SBD 4.79