On Thoughts, Resistance and Acceptance

in #life6 years ago

A repost.

We are nearing the end of our vacation. I am feeling quite refreshed, but there is a resistance in my heart to going home. A return means taking up the mantle of responsibilities of parenthood. It's interesting how I am perfectly willing to bring my work with me. I find it fulfilling--writing, reading and responding to other writers. It is orderly and sensible, whereas parenting is often chaotic no matter what systems may be in place to ensure stability and routine.

As we get closer to departure for home, anxiety blooms in my body. I feel myself retreating into my head. My ideal is that I will feel excited to see my children, delighted to be home, relaxed and ready for the hum of family life. This is not my reality. And that is perfectly okay.

This morning I will breathe deeply. I will work to remain present to enjoy the rest of this reprieve. I will be happy when I see my children. I will enjoy all of us being home. But I will also give myself compassion. Parenting is hard. Adulting is hard. Feeling overwhelmed is not bad or wrong. It just is.

Through acceptance I release resistance. The stress my body holds, just thoughts. I recognize the thoughts and let them go. I love being a mother even when I don't like it. I love my children even when I don't like their behavior. I love my home even when I want to run away.

I am a human bring living a human experience.

What thoughts are you working to let go?

image from unsplash

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