Things religious people say that make me angry.

Oh look an Act of God. Don't it make you feel warm and fuzzy inside? There he is fighting all the evil in the world yet he still finds time to do stuff like this for us.

(all rights to this image are the property of Hebert’s Town & Country)

The northern states of the USA are entering that part of the year where tornado's become a problem. If it's not tornado's then it will be some other extreme weather event or other natural disaster. None of which are Acts of God btw. These are natural phenomena. God, allegedly, made the world and that's how it works. The cosmic watchmaker wouldn't have made a watch he constantly has to wind up or correct. He/she isn't a moron.

At some point one of these events will strike. It will cause huge damage and casualties. Lets say it's an earthquake and half of a mountain has fallen on a school. Dozens of children have been killed and scores more seriously injured. Cue the national media. You can guarantee they'll find a little old lady worried about her cat. She's survived but the cat is missing. Then, almost as if it was scripted, the cat will be seen climbing out of a pile of debris. The old lady will thank God for saving her. She will lavish praise upon God for sparing her cat as well. God was looking after her. Leaving aside the fact it might be that God just didn't fancy having that stupid old witch turning up in Heaven any time soon, let's unpack that.

First of all, WHAT THE FUCK, you malicious old cunt? What she is saying is that, rather than her escape from harm being a random chance, it's God's will. Spitting in the faces of the bereaved parents and on the graves of those children. God decided that rather than spare all those kids he'd look after a cat and an old lady. She is valued more highly by God. Not only that, so is her fucking cat. You heartless piece of shit. So self absorbed she's under the illusion that the world is being run for her benefit. Proud, but humble, she thanks the lord for her salvation while hundreds of others mourn. They didn't deserve his grace. They were not worthy of it.

Now this happens a lot (well at least the news media seem to find one every time). If this were actually the case then the best course to avoid these disasters would be to get a little old lady and a cat. While you're at it get rid of any kids. They will only end up dead anyway and you might be caught in the devastation radius. Crucifixes, prayers and holy water will do nothing. You must find a little old lady and a cat then stay constantly by their side to ensure your safety. I don't recall a lot about little old ladies and cats, or even women for that matter, in the Bibles I've read. Must have slipped God's mind, but then he's busy doing volcanoes and tidal waves a lot of the time. Either that or it's in one of the dozens of books and Gospel's that were left out by the people who created the Bible from hundreds of different unconnected sources.

My favorite (or the one that made me angriest) was the guy who was too sick to board MH370. Or possibly another air disaster, there are so many to choose from. He did several interviews with the news media of the world. In all of them he stated that God had saved him. He was special to God. That was why he got sick obviously. God had some purpose for him. There was some vital task this man had to perform and God wouldn't allow anything to get in the way of that. Ummmm okay. Then shouldn't you, and that little old lady, be spending all of the rest of your time on earth repaying that mercy? Why aren't these people scouring the earth to find out what it is they are vital for? That isn't going to happen here though. The man will be at home or work doing fuck all for God or mankind for that matter. An entity that saw fit to sacrifice his only son simply requires them to sit on their asses all day long doing fuck all. Waiting for this vital task to come to them. Again that's not like any Bible story I've ever read. None of this seems to have God's well known MO. Where he sends his chosen ones hither and yon to carry out his vital work.

I'd estimate that out of all the thousands of people God has saved, very few will have done much out of gratitude to him. They'll have thanked him in prayers and advertised the fact God thinks they are special at every opportunity. Not much else though. I know that, even though I know of not a single example of this happening, it has probably happened. A rare individual has occasionally done much good or changed the direction of their life radically. Now I don't mind these people having their delusions of being favored by God. What I do mind is that they are making themselves out to be far more important than the hundreds who have died. Those people deserved it. They weren't good enough or religious enough for God to give a shit about them.

That would be bad enough, but again we have more bullshit spoken into a microphone by sportsmen. You know the ones I mean. They've just won the Super Bowl or the World Cup or whatever. They thank God. In fact it was only through God that they won. Again they make out that they are being humble and thankful. Except there are only 3 possibilities here. Either they are lying or they are deluded or they cheated. If God was on their side then the other team didn't stand a chance. The whole match/game was pointless. God had already decided the outcome. Even if the winners hadn't fielded a team they would have won. God is pretty powerful. Fixing a sporting fixture would be real easy for him. Yet again they have created this illusion that the world is there only for them and that they are special to God.

The reality is that none of these people was helped by God or saved by God. All they are doing is pretending that they are absolutely fantastic. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, because they've got this testimonial from a deity. It proves beyond all reasonable doubt that they are the greatest people on the planet. A planet which without their presence would be a whole lot worse off, according to God. None of them have the brains to see that they are making their lord out to be an asshole. No time to do anything except save little old ladies, their cats and fix sporting fixtures. Really? That's what they think a god does? If I was God I'd feel insulted. A being who constructed an entire universe in 6 days has nothing better to do than watch out for them.

That sportsman might reply that he worked and trained real hard but it was because of God's help he actually won. To which I'd say: The other team worked and trained equally as hard. In fact many teams and many sportsmen worked and trained even harder. Not only that they did so without any need to. God had already put the fix in. There was no way they would have won against God's favored one. Sport is entirely unnecessary because for the entire future it's all been worked out. Instead of risking bodily injury simply relax beside the pool. Zero effort is required here. Why bother with disaster rescue if God has it covered. Why bother with anything at all. God has people he likes and people he doesn't like. Everything works out fine for one tiny group while the rest can either die or finish up hopeless losers.

Again I do not mind their delusions. They are delusions though so they shouldn't be spoken out loud on national and international television. Especially given that the dumb fucks blurting them out are pissing all over the ones who weren't wonderful enough to be chosen. You've survived or you've won a trophy. Be satisfied with that rather than promoting the myth that you are best friends with Jesus and Yahweh. I know it makes them feel great about themselves but surely that pro footballer could show his appreciation by not punching women quite so hard or so often. Their praise for God is a sham. They are only praising themselves. God doesn't like that. He's a bit like me, in that he thinks they are all deluded cunts only out to promote themselves as being uniquely favored by him.

I am going to be brutal here, because like I said I've read Bibles. Three more than any of those who claim God helped them survive or win, I'll wager. God does not waste his time saving little old ladies and cats. He did not make that guy too sick to board an airliner, that was a virus. God infinitely large, virus almost infinitely small. You can see how he became confused between the 2 can't you. I'm pretty sure God isn't spending most of his day working out the results of sporting events either. You are a bunch of self important, self serving pig fuckers. The next time one of you opens your mouths about how great God thinks you are they should stick a gun in it and pull the trigger. God will save you after all. Nothing to worry about there. In fact I'd have already done it just for the complete disrespect and disregard you have for everyone who has suffered. Be that as the result of death and injury or the ignominy of defeat. Don't piss on other people then pretend it's raining you worthless pieces of shit. If you genuinely believe God likes you so much, do something to justify his actions.