Principles of Non - Violent Communication...Part X

T.: Can you name some rules and principles of non-violent communication ?

G.: First of all „Be the change you want to see“, as Gandhi said. We need to show with example if we hope for the change in others to occur.

Source: NonViolence

There are some do's and some don'ts on the way to achieve this..

We can start with recognizing the habits that are unfavorable for trans-formative or compassionate communication:

Judgement, giving 'names', labeling, comparison, denying responsibility, demanding ...

All these habits block giving from the heart.

A person wants to communicate the need for something but because of unwanted habits and many other reasons it can come out as labeling or some other tragic way of expressing the need. Possibility for the other person to hear the need behind such communication is minimal. It is more likely that a person will take it as offence or attack. The response is usually 'fight or flight'.

One of the main principles in heart communication is to try to guess the feelings and needs of person. Even if we are not right, a person will rectify us and lead us to true feelings and needs. Then we can work on strategy which will satisfy the need.

Another principle is to understand that all needs are good. They are common for all people and we can accept them as such easily.

We can choose to learn observing without judgement if we want to come closer to people.

We can learn the proper use of feelings.

We can learn to ask for the specific, positive and doable activity from person to increase our chances of meeting our needs.

We can learn to communicate and transform our life.

If we do not learn how to communicate, we will have only one big problem. We will be in illusion that communication happened.

( To Be Continued )

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