I just don't seem to have enough hours in the day.My brain, is literally overflowing with ideas on how to be more creative and make enough of an income for me and my girls. I write on here everyday, I try and pop onto Discord every now and then to connect with folk, whilst also trying to put time into the women's Co-Op that I have created. And on top of all that I am trying real hard to balance all that with being a single mum who home educates her girls. Did I say, that there are not enough hours in my day.

I find myself staying up way to late, trying to fit everything in, that by the end of my day I am exhausted. I know that all this, is still quiet new to me. I am just 4 months into carving my way as a single mama. But my creativity has come back with a boom and I really want to work with it. If only I could create new time! I am sure that things will settle down, in a bit once I have found my balance. But then there are the unforeseen things that happen. Like the last two nights my middle daughter has been poorly and had a fever. She has slept with me and my youngest, but her restlessness has kept me awake much of the night, and today I feel like a zombie.

My first Little monster

I had plans for today, asides from the daily parenting, cooking, gardening and being online. I wanted to spend a few hours this morning making monsters. These are my latest idea to try and make a little income at the local christmas markets. Little monsters that are made from my girls old cloths and each with their own identity, all hand sown (but there is a possibility that I may be able to borrow a sewing machine, which would be fantastic.). But it was not to be, as my girl was still poorly and needed her mama close by. But you now I will try and maybe get some done tonight, or maybe after I have posted this, if my youngest is still asleep.

But anyhow I was planning on writing about my dreams of late, two in particular. The first one I had when my ex was back to visit the girls, a few nights ago now.

I'm not sure where I was, but I felt it was somewhere familiar. I was sitting at a table, talking to my ex when all of a sudden my head felt wet. I reached up and touched my forehead , when I took my hand away it had blood on it. I did not freak out, but asked my ex what my head looked like. He didn't say anything and then some of my hair started to fall out. I wasn't in any pain, but I immediately when into a room where there was a mirror and when I looked at my reflection,I saw that there were a lot of bald spots on my head with red circles inside them. The skin looked very thin , I could see blood at the surface and when I touched them they started to bleed. Then all these small white worms started to come out. For some reason I didn't freak out. I just stood there and watched, what I would normally describe as disturbing.

I woke up and the first thing I did was reach for my head. I was very relieved when my hand came back dry, it still makes me the shiver just thinking about it. Yet in the dream I was very relaxed which really surprised me. I usually have quite a strong stomach, but worms coming out from under my skin, well that's a completely different matter altogether. As the day went on and that dream hung around, it actually started to make sense to me. The fact that I was sitting with my ex and he was unresponsive and then all of these things started to happen to my head. The head is where we take in and release a lot of energy. This shedding of hair, to me symbolized letting go, letting go of my old self that had become lost in a relationship where there was no respect and very little love.

The worms, I think represented me letting go of my ex and the false ideas of what I thought our relationship could be. It is amazing how we can convince ourselves something, when the reality is completely different. That desire to hold onto something that we have worked so hard at. To me the worms represented the lies I was telling myself. Lies that I no longer need, that I no longer hold onto. So it makes sense that in my dream I was relaxed, because I was cleansing myself, witnessing myself be reborn!

The second dream was about my middle daughter and I had it last night.

She was sick in the dream also and had a very high fever. Again I didn't panic as a fever means that her body is fighting, that her immune system is working. But she became very distressed and was rolling back and forth on the bed. I decided to get some of her clothes off to help her cool down. When I removed her leggings, I realized that she had huge sores on the backs of her legs, near her knees. And with that I woke up.

This dream really upset me, as I know that she has been struggling with her dad and me separating. She always seems to get sick after he visits also, which to me is a sure sign that she is internalizing her feelings. But at 6 years of age, I imagine it is hard for her to get her head around what is happening right now. I feel like that dream is asking me to be more attentive to her, hence finding the sores under her leggings. Crazy dreams in crazy times.

What have your dreams been like?

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