How to be good at communicating
How important is it to be good at communicating?
It's important because everyone will like you and you might even get a boyfriend/girlfriend.
A while ago, I watched a video about an interactive game, called "36 questions to fall in love", the game required two people ask each other questions, and then stare at each other's eyes for four minutes. In that way, the two people will fall in love in a few hours.
In fact, this is a psychological test, this also written in the literature, from what I know, the two people who participated in the experiment got married after six months.
This game is actually a miniature of quality chat; a good chat can really produce a very magical effect.
But as far as I know, most people are not good at communicating, or they don't know how to get some fun from communicating, especially with strangers or unfamiliar friends.
Chatting is a very important skill, proficient in it can ensure that you can easily walk in all kinds of social networking.
I recently read a book, "The Top Ten techniques for building Quick rapport with Anyone," by Robin Dreeke, head of the FBI's behavioral Analysis program.
After 27 years of in-depth research on interpersonal relationships, Robin sums up the ten favorites, but most of it revolves around how to communicate with strangers.
The FBI is using these techniques to communicate with important witnesses and negotiate with terrorists.
The below are the summary of what I learned from reading the book.
Listening is more important than speaking
Some people feel that telling jokes, quoting famous quote will make everyone admire you, non stop talking, this is called "know how to chat," or some people think that you need to know everything then only know how to chat.
I don’t think so, do you mean that the people like me who don’t know anything are not eligible to chat?
What's more, as far as I can see, gushing people are really eye-catching, but they are not easy to be like; but those who listen to people and doesn’t forestall other speakers, they are more likely to have a sense of closeness.
Most of the time, the reason why a person likes another person is not how powerful they are, but whether they feel good about themselves when they are with you. You'll be amazed how much individuals simply want to talk and be listened to.
Everyone is eager to be understood, and when a person satisfies the needs of expression in you, your relationship will not be bad.
So, put down your ego-centric posture, try to give the stage to other, you will find that the chat atmosphere is unusually harmonious.
Ask questions
Sometimes when you encountered people who don’t talk much, then listen is no use.
When the other party doesn’t talk much, and you don’t talk too, are you guys communicating using brainwave?
This time the "question" is particularly important, the question can guide the other party to express themselves more, as just said the "36 questions", can almost make the other shows in 360 degrees.
Do not worry about asking "private" questions; everyone has a strong desire to be understood, most people will be happy to tell you.
Those 36 questions are very good; you can fully digest, from the selection of several angles as a conversation to ask each other's questions.
But pay attention to the nature of the question, if you ask according to the list, you might get beaten!
Another good thing about asking questions is that you never get into silence.
In the past, I was afraid to chat with the person without common interests. For example, he likes football, but I don’t like; other expertise is aerospace optical plasma, my specialty is about pig.
There's nothing to talk about!
But then I found a trick to be able to still chat happily in this situation, yes! Which is to ask questions.
Since then, I put down my fake self-esteem, and humbly ask other questions, even if it is very naïve questions.
It is important to express your curiosity and encourage the other person to express it.
Express Affirmation
The previous two tricks are just to ensure the harmony of the communication, and this is very powerful!
It can make others like you!
I often lurking beside and listen to people chat (sounds perverted haha haha), I found that very few conversations are very smooth. There will always be a few moments of emotional excitement (either to refute others’ argument or defense against their own point of view).
I've even seen two people almost got into a fight by not agreeing to each other.
Therefore, it is important to put your own opinions aside first, too eager to express yourself and keep on disagree with the other party, no matter how well you express, no one will like it.
On the contrary, if you often express affirmation in the chat, the other party will like you, because it is good to be affirmed and acknowledged.
Sometimes I think, the pursuit of a person's life is just the affirmation of the outside world.
Of course, this does not mean that you have to be ignorant of your conscience and blindly agree with others, just that you need to have an open mind.
There will never have an absolute right or wrong, before you say "no," you need to have a process of thinking about each other, maybe the other party is reasonable.
What should you do with a view that you really can't agree with?
Ingenious advice
In fact, when we are chatting, it is not always about nonsense, if there are some issues, the other party can give you some inspiration, this is also an enjoyable experience.
For example, my friends often have different opinions from me; I will get new inspiration from their point of view, and feel very fortunate to have these friends.
So if you feel that the other party's point of view is really wrong, of course, you can express your point, maybe give each other a chance to grow, so that they become a valuable friend.
Of course, you need to put it in a comfortable way, here's a tip.
For example, the other party said: I hate parsley! Parsley should be extinct!
You don’t understand because you like parsley. If you immediately retort that: Are you crazy?! Parsley is so delicious! You two might get into a fight.
But if you put it another way: Is that so? I've never seen anyone so disgusted with parsley, why do you dislike it so much?
Then the other side might talk about his love and hatred of parsley.
After that, you show an expression to acknowledge, take a deep nod, express approval.
Then add: That may be because you have not eaten the noodles I cooked, after adding parsley, it becomes more delicious, do you want to try?
The other party won’t be unhappy, maybe after eating noodles, he/she will found that parsley is not that bad.
So, when facing contradictions, with this little trick, you can subtly turn the question into interest and goodwill.
Key point: Follow other, fully understand other's ideas, and then talk about your own ideas.
Mentality
Finally, a very important thing when chatting is our mentality.
Regarding chatting, my mentality has undergone many changes, too much inner drama that can form a novel.
At first, I was self-centered. Just like I'm performing on the stage, talk about my interests, talk about my ideas, talking about outdated jokes ...
I thought this was a good chat because I am in the active adjustment conversation atmosphere, also make the other party happy.
Then I realized that the other person had to express their needs, so my role became a listener and was able to get into the conversation.
Robin's conclusion is a good illustration of this attitude, “The other person should walk away feeling much better for meeting you. You should brighten their day and listen to them when no one else will”.
But doing this, I'm not particularly happy. Robin mentioned in the book about his wife too, his wife was a very good listener, often she listens to others, but very few people care about her story, her own expression of demand cannot be satisfied.
There are only two choices: stop listening or continue to listen.
Robin's wife chooses to continue to listen and continue to be a listener because she thinks "the things that neighbors share are interesting, and she likes to listen to them."
After reading this, I just reach the ultimate evolution of my mentality.
I used to be unhappy as a listener because I was chatting to please the other person. But no, a listener's fun is endless, is a way to make yourself happy.
With a sincere curiosity about others, you will find that everyone has interesting stories.
For example, talk to a taxi driver and listen to the story of his, being a pauper from a two-company boss, and talk to a barber about which curry shop is the most authentic nearby.
"When you find that the other person is completely different from you, don't be alarmed, it is a valuable experience that God has given you to experience other kinds of life."
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://walkinharmony.vornix.blog/2018/07/11/how-to-be-good-at-communicating/