SUNDAYS ARE FOR MURMURS

I had a bad day yesterday. I could not eat, I could only drink water. My whole body was cold and my head and stomach hurt. As I laid on my bed, watching Busy Tonight, on E Entertainment, a cable TV station I normally avoid, my mind kept telling how short time was.

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Life was never supposed to be like this but it is like this. I was, in another world, with other choices, supposed to be something more, I think but I am not. I am tired of trying and struggling to be something more but it seems that is the only way.

After the show ended, I moved to Al Jazeera news network and watched a program on the dying rivers of Iraq. I watched fishermen and women who will never leave Iraq, who will never bother with a plane, or consider a masters degree, living their lives and though hard, they live this life for they know no other.

Throughout that documentary, I kept wondering how it would be like if I had been born in a world like that, with wars and fighting, poor destructive policies, hard working but poor families trying to survive in harsh conditions and I realised that though I have lived poor, I have been given opportunities in this life. Some I have misused, some I have done my best but for all I have learnt something and indeed I have lived better than lots of people in the world.

It would seem like I have no reason to complain but when you live in a world where every year large number of kids graduate from the University into the labour market to compete for jobs which are unavailable, with you who is still unemployed ten years post graduation, it becomes something bothersome.

Some months ago, I was in Benin and I had to run an errand for my aunt. It involved me going to the bank to pay in some money. At the teller's I saw a young man who on seeing me, waved me over excitedly and immediately attended to me. He was all starched long sleeve shirt, tie, cufflinks, wristwatch and all that. I taught him English and literature in his senior class. He is working and earning a good pay and I, his teacher is unemployed and broke.

I did a whole lot of thinking that day after I had left the bank. I lost a friend who got tired of hearing me mumble and mutter in my depression. I am not angry with her, she has her own problems and I am certainly not a positive company at this time. I have also on my own, cut off people who used to be friends with me. I am tired.

Anyways after the Al Jazeera documentary, I moved my remote over to the National Geographic Wild channel where I watched hyenas try to survive in the drought. They went miles on a hunt but returned with nothing but they, while recovering from their journey were gifted with rains and the return of wildebeest and as such, the food they had sought over a long distance came to them and they fed.

From that program, I took the lesson that though one may find himself on a dry plain without food or water, no job, no income, no security, it will not be so forever. One can strive and fail but that does not mean the end. One can still make it possible, one can still make those dreams happen. Opportunity will come and one must be prepared enough to make use of it.

As I drifted to sleep, I told myself that I will try again, though my limbs are weak, though my eyes hurt, though my hands tremble. I will try again for my opportunity will come and I need to be prepared when it does. I have not given up the fight but I am tired, very tired. Good morning.

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©warpedpoetic, 2019.