I was a victim of my own success. I had a mainstream dream...very middle of america.....a people pleaser....and within all these television shows I realized something...I realized this everywhere, "I didn't fit in"....."I was missing something"....I was missing me....a part of myself.

I was the one who swam against the tide of what is expected of me....but I didn't know this about myself. I didn't give a shit about so much of the bullshit.....but I didn't know this dissonance was inside me....

George Carlin

Here's the full recording:

The People Pleaser Point has been a fuck up within myself too.

• It's like a totally warped way to live in a sense....because in a sense everybody is a bit fucked...and to kind of gloss over this with ironically a sort of disregard - only it's camouflaged as like a regard...where you are 'pleasing' and so people will give you pleases of praise and say only the best things in your name....or maybe not even remember your name at all but simply walk all over you like a door mat because you're a push over in a way because you're trying to please people. It's very self-compromising.

• It was totally ingrained in to me to be a sort of people pleaser. I suppose it's kind of a survival tactic in this world. I never realized the extent to which this "people pleaser mentality" has been a cover up and a hiding as like wanting to avoid any controversy or discomforts - where it's like this passively implicit agreement that if you stroke my ego...I will stroke your ego and we can be very civilized in our mutual masturbations as these lame on the surface exchanges as some sort of made up narratives we believe in - Thinking obedient follower is like the key to law and order in a civilized society.

• There's nothing civilized about civilized society. It's kind of a rouse in and of itself. It's like the average citizen is such a brainwashed patsy that it's an uncomfortable topic of discussion...and it's like I've been in such defense mode so much so from these negative tones and people reacting to me in unfavorable ways - I kind of went the other way as people pleasing character - It becoming my kind of home grown defense of my accepted and allowed offense - a sort of let me rather take advantage of you because well I'm here and I'm going to please you and because you are now pleased with me you will do things for me as like this ingrained desire to serve.

• It's so fucked in so many ways - this point of - yes I will do stuff for so and so because their so nice. But hey - fuck doing anything for this dude he's such a mean guy...he always says what he means.

George Carlin is a fun reminder about not getting caught up in Bullshit.

• The bullshit is everywhere.

• Bullshit isn't funny when you're caught up in it. It is but it isn't. It's tragic comedy. It's like the worst thing ever when you are reacting to bullshit. It's kind of sad because it's like your drowning in it and you are denying the fact that you are drowning in your own bullshit....but it's like your gargling your own bullshit and drinking it none stop. It's a bit of a catch 22 because when somebody really bust your balls good and doesn't give a fuck about how you respond or react to what they have to say - a play is made in such a way to call out the bullshit - there's a real compassion here and a moment for possible shared laughter.

• Laughter is a point of self-acceptance. You don't get access if you're not funny. I mean if you legit aren't very fun how the fuck are you going to laugh? You simply won't give yourself permission. You're too fucking angry.

• It's kind of funny when someone wants to fight so bad and is so focused on being resistant....because it's like there's this block....and the thing about blocks is that we all need help when we have a block.....it's in having the balls to really push the point....not getting caught up on the individuals block and tippy toeing around - no it's more like grabbing the persons bullshit by the balls and playing with it in a way to provide clarity in releasing the block and the hold. Realization becomes an aha moment - like ah ha, I see now. Haha - I see!

Fortune favors the bold.

• You are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to be bold in your investigations.

Know thy self.

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