Still On Heartbreaks...

So, this thought has been swirling through my mind for a while, and after attending a show on a discord server last night it got more pressing.

I'm talking about the age-long issue of heartbreak.

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From my observation, heartbreak hits harder when we don't love deliberately and consciously, and before you tell me we can't help who we fall in love with, let me first say that I disagree with that notion. If you say we can't help who we are attracted to at first, I will agree. If you say getting past what is obvious in a person and getting to really know who they are, and who they can be underneath is hard, I'll agree, but you can help who you love, as love is a deliberate action.

I am fully aware that I am carving off the fairy tales surrounding love and making it look less enticing or worth experiencing, but maybe that is the reason for so many heartbreaks; creating and living in self-created bubbles, expecting the unreasonable, misplacing priorities when choosing whom to love, and giving what we can't afford, or giving too soon.

Creating and Living in Self-created Bubbles
I say self-created because most times they are purely of our own imaginations and are far away from the truth; those little lies we tell ourselves to convince us that all is well, you know them so I won't give examples. I'm not saying you should conclude or be suspicious, but I'm saying that

when people show you who they are, believe them.

Expecting the Unreasonable
Come on guys, we know what is possible at a moment and what is not! You know this guy is in a tight corner. I mean he was sharing with you how he needed to get some things done but funds were scarce. Yet you get angry because he didn't call and spend endless hours on the phone with you? What did you expect, that he'd produce airtime himself? There are many more ways we cook up expectations which we know deep down are unreasonable. Let's be reasonable. Please. Enough said.

Misplacing Priorities When Choosing
Let me say this straight up,

The right person is always lovable, but the person we choose to love may not be right.

So we need to get our priorities right and then love the person who we figure is right, based on what we want. Let's be honest, we all have what we want, both reasonable and unreasonable wants. Some of these wants are key and basic to our balance and will deeply disturb us in future if we ignore them in choosing our loves. Tick your boxes, observe, discover, be sure they have what is important to you. Remember, only reasonable and truly important wants apply here.

Giving What You Don't Have or Giving Too Much Too Soon
When you give in love, why do you give? Do you do it expecting returns? Or because you think that is what will make the loved one stay with you? There is a friend of mine who believes that the way to keep a lady is by spending money on her, so he worries when he is broke and can't spend on his girlfriend. Believe you me, if she leaves we will hear things like Caro chop my money follow oyinbo.
There are ladies who only cook and clean for a man because they believe it's the way to keep a man. If the man leaves, we hear things like After all I did for him!. The worst is that of sex which brings cries like He/she used and dumped me!
If you are not ready to go some distance in a relationship, don't. If you can't afford something, don't give it. We have our paths and steps and we should respect it, just like we respect that of others.

Finally, love is a beautiful thing, there's no doubt, but if it's not done right, we get to see how ugly wrongness can be.

Pixabay Creative Commons

Please ask for clarifications if you don't understand anything I said.

Avoid avoidable heartbreaks. That's all.

Djoi Writes

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