Long Lasting Love: Of Marriage and Divorce
My parents have been together for 30 years now and certainly don’t look like they would be growing apart anytime soon. I have also been privileged to come across older couples who have been together all their lives.
As the prolific richq11 put it in one statement he made concerning infidelity marriages back in the day were for better or worse. Vows were not just poem recitations, people actually lived by them.
Much has changed in the World. One of the most important change was the introduction of the ‘No fault divorce' laws in the 1970s to the USA.
Before the 20th century, courts would not allow a divorce decree unless it could be proven that one spouse was at fault for abandonment, cruelty, mental illness, or adultery. During the 1960s when feminism was just gaining ground, the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act was passed, which allowed for a no-fault divorce.
What was probably seen as a move to empower women (as a lot of people who sought divorce prior were wealthy men) opened Pandora’s box for joke marriages.
Entertainment Culture and Divorce
The changing entertainment scene that seemed to portray divorced couples or couples going through a divorce may have also largely influenced our value systems till this day. It became acceptable to opt apt at the slightest feeling of unhappiness or unsatisfaction. It also did not help that some publicized celebrity marriages were over in the twinkle of an eye (anyone remember a certain sweetheart who got married for less than 2 days a decade ago?)
Money
I also wonder if financial inducements spur marriages and hasten divorces. No doubt there are those lured by the love of money on both sexes, and highly lucrative settlement offers are not uncommon in divorce proceedings.
Acceptable Grounds for Divorce
Now I have never been married, so I am not speaking from experience, and I have dated a couple of times and ended things for less than ‘acceptable’ reasons so I am definitely not perfect but I view marriage as a commitment that shouldn’t merely be of convenience. I may not be the best judge of what is acceptable and what isn’t but I believe couples should hold themselves to higher standards once those vows are taken.
I would love to get the opinions of everyone who takes their precious time to read my rant so I get a better view on whether it is merely wishful thinking to see more marriages together.
It's a happy moment when I see older couples still holding hands and you can see how close they are. I hope the same commitment for all who are getting married or are married.
So it's not just your wishful thinking. What I have, I wish for other people (married for a decade now and going). It's devastating to see a family broken up just because they can't hold it together. If they have children, the children suffer the worst.
Your mom and dad are blessed to be together that long. Seeing them probably have profound impact on you.
When couples see marriage as commitment to their Creator (for the vows they uttered and agreed to), it might drop that divorce rate.
Divorce is still not legal in th Philippines where I came from. Annulment is even harder to approve so couples just don't get married or separate without papers.
Modeling a stable relationship is very important I think. Isn't there some statistic about that? (There's a statistic about everything.) My parents have been married for 50 years, and seeing that stability - but not only the stability but the working through of problems - makes it much easier to be married myself. It's a mindset, and a life philosophy that is easier learned and cemented in childhood. The trickle down effect of divorce is sad.
50 years! That's incredible, I'm thrilled :)
That is spot on. Cheers to 50 more years for your parents.
Thanks. It is hard to wrap your head around that much time together.
I would like to see people begin to wed again, under God. To honor that, with full depths of heart.
Me too, unfortunately not many think that way
This will change.
People make stupid decisions, and they are marriages too fast.
People doesnt know themself, and doesnt know the other. And honestly, they doesnt want to know...
People want their convenient, usual life, with some extra, free sex at home each day. They doesnt want to a common life, common happy, common experience.
And the fastest way to daily free sex, is the marriage.
So, the problem isnt the marriage, as "thing", the problem is the people, and their stupid decisions.
I see your point, and I feel the system encourages those decisions, and our value systems have changed a lot these days
The system doesnt force us to nothing ;) WE change our value-perspective, coz the average men is much stupid like the animals, and take the responsible, pf, isnt option :D
My wife and I have talked about this. I told her that I was committed to her pretty much no matter what. That the only thing I’d see as grounds for divorce would be infidelity. I agree with you: it’s a shame that divorce is so prevalent, and I wish it weren’t so.
This is great to see. That communication is essential even on touchy subjects. Hubby and I talk about this topic too. And realize how much marriages are falling apart. Ergo families are falling apart. That makes it even more a shared commitment to do whatever it takes to keep us all together. We can't be another statistic. God forbid.
Yeah it’s getting rare these days for thatbto happen . My parents are 40 years this year . Wow
Your parents are lucky to be happy together. I've never been married myself, so I wouldn't know what to say, but, from what I've seen around me - some manage to stay together and be reasonably happy, but then some are clearly unhappy together. Back in the day it was a different culture, that's what people did, they got married, not necessarily out of love. Even if they got bored or cheated on each other, they remained together, because divorce was not a thing.
howdy there empress! Your parents are a great role model! 30 years is a long time in today's society, at least in the United States.
Marriage and the nuclear family is the bedrock of culture and a healthy society because it is God's design.
And for Believers the marriage vows aren't just a legal agreement but a sacred Covenant between the couple before God so yes it is very serious and very destructive to dismiss it as a trivial inconvenience if things are not working out.
God takes covenant oaths very seriously and there is a reason divorce is so damaging. That's not to say that it is not the best option in some cases.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post, great job!
Thank you janton
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