It is funny how we sometimes take things for granted, like assuming that other people will respect your personal space, mainly because you expect that they would want the same from you. But sometimes, sometimes it seems that we have to spell things out for certain people. I imagine that for most people, they would never think of entering some one else's home without being invited in first and further more, that they would not then go ahead and use that person's belongings without asking!.

I have been feeling rather protective of my home these last few months, home as in the truck I live in. I done a reclaim my space ritual when I returned after being in Ireland, which was hugely beneficial. I really felt like I had been violated, finding out my ex had more or less moved in another women when I was away with my children. So it was only natural that I became more protective and drew more protective barriers around me and my home. I have been slowing building myself back up and in a way rediscovering myself. It is like that when you separate from some one after 11 years together. A separation that was extremely hurtful and that left me feeling exhausted and burnt out.

So I have been trying to be gentle with myself and take things easy, which is not always easy when you are a mum to 3 amazingly wild and energetic children, and trust me I would never have them any other way.

A few weeks ago their uncle came to visit, their fathers brother. He came in a campervan and parked up on the land I look after. They were very excited to see him and I was expecting him to stay for a few days and then move on. But after a few days my daughter told me that he was maybe going to stay for 2 or 3 weeks. Okay, but why hadn't he communicated that with me. I was waiting for him to come and talk to me about how long he wanted to stay and more importantly to ask if it was okay. That seemed like the normal thing to do, under the circumstances. But it didn't happen and then I had friends come to visit me so I got distracted.

Then on Monday me and my girls went into town, with my friend and her family. They wanted to take us out for dinner, which is such a huge treat. We never eat out. When I returned home and after the girls were settled I went to turn on my computer only to find it was on and in guest mode. Immediately those feelings of being violated came back to me. I literally started to shake as I sat in front of the screen. Then about 5 minutes later there was a knock on the door, it was the girls uncle asking if he could use the computer to go online.

But you have already used it, I said. He immediately denied it! but it has been switched on and is in guest mode, I said to him. He then said, I only went on to get a password. At this point I just looked at him and said, you have no right coming into my home when I am not here. At which he replied but you were not here to ask. I looked at him and said then you wait until I come back. I then told him to leave.

I really was so upset, with so many emotions rushing back to me. I really did not want to have to deal with this again, some one being so disrespectful to me. Of course this is not as bad as what his brother done, but it really brought all of that back to me.

I now know that I should have went up to him before this and asked what his plans were, and also that I didn't really want him staying too long. I am happy that he came to visit his nieces, but he did not have to stay on the same land as us. I certainly am not comfortable with that now. I approached him again yesterday morning to say just that. When I told him I was not comfortable with him staying on the land, he then said that he was not here spying on me, that he wasn't phoning up my ex to tell him what I was up to.

This really threw me, I had come to tell him to move off the land because he came into my home uninvited, when I wasn't there and when onto my computer. And here he was telling me he wasn't spying on me, now I started to feel really paranoid, that, that was exactly what he was doing.

To be honest I have put so much energy into setting boundaries with my ex, that it exhausts me when he is here, because he just doesn't respect them. So as a result I really just let things slip a bit with other people, but I really did not see this happening, I just didn't expect it. But, he has left and what have I learned? I have learned that we need to set boundaries all the time and stand strong when something doesn't sit right with us. I was already uncomfortable with the fact that he never communicated his intentions with me, or even contacted me to tell me he was coming, he just turned up.

I always write about listening to ourselves, to trusting ourselves and now I know that unfortunately we can not always give some people the benefit of doubt. I kind of hate that I now feel like I have to keep my guard up, but I also know that I have to protect myself and my well being, that is my responsibility. I really need to follow up on those little fleeting feelings of uncomfort. To trust myself, to trust my own inner knowing. Setting boundaries is act of self love after all. It is through my acts of self love that I will show my children how to take care of themselves.

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