Champagne & Chips | The Goring Hotel | Not a Tasteem Review

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The other day I was invited to a business meeting at the Goring Hotel in Beeston Place, Belgravia, tucked behind Victoria Station, and just down the road from the back end of Buckingham Palace.

We'd had a full on day at work, with three meetings, one with the Greater London Authority about providing support services to women and families moving out of refuges.

The crowning piece of joy, though, from a work point of view, was that we had just achieved the majority required in the ballot about the decision to go ahead and incorporate the consortium. We didn't want to be stuck with a 52%/48% conundrum and so we had set a two-thirds majority threshold to go ahead.

This was the culmination (although it's not over yet, the vote was just the signal to trigger the legal process) of nearly two years work on my part, and something like eight years work for just about everyone else involved. I don't like to think of the cost, but it's modest compared to £39 billion.

Anyway, it has been a real piece of work (I did receive a text from a friend saying she was looking out for other cat herding opportunities for me - I had the skills) and after only a banana and a pain au raisin to sustain me, I was ravenous and ever so slightly hysterical by 6pm.

Source The Goring has a beautiful tranquil garden, an oasis in central London.

After my day, I was more than ready for the Goring:

"London's last remaining family-owned luxury hotel. Crafted over a century by one family, The Goring is the genuine article - a grand hotel with impeccable manners and a subtle streak of wit and wonder."

"Impeccably English and perfectly individual, The Goring features 69 sumptuous suites and rooms, each uniquely decorated with the finest furnishings. As the last remaining family-owned luxury hotel in London, it is renowned for its warm, intimate atmosphere and personalised service."

So, two working-class snotlings made their way past the lovely doorman in the bowler hat, the red-tailcoated-and-gold-trimmed-waistcoated footmen to be greeted by serving staff in immaculate shot silk dresses or velvet suits in a curious stylish non-colour, complete with corsages and, for the women, wonder-to-behold up-dos.

"Hello" "Hello" "Hello" (a symphony of bright smiles and geisha poses).

"Are you meeting friends?"

"Yes, yes we are. There she is."

We tucked ourselves in the corner with our host and looked at the menus:

"Don't look at the numbers," she said, "it'll make your eyes water."

I thought of @slobberchops.

It had to be champagne, really. Beautiful glasses arrived, and the bottle of house champagne. Did we want to taste? No, just pour. Exquisite, none of that burn at the back of your mouth, just a soft mellow mousse sensation.

"Shall we eat?"

It had to be chips. We were starving and in need of comfort. Good choice, said our host, they're cooked eleven times and delicious. They were bloody lovely, two bowls between the three of us, together with smoked salmon and prawn and pastrami and gouda sandwiches.

'It is one of the remaining bastions of old school which is proper throughout. The ambiance, the visitors the service and the wine list are truly outstanding’. Square Meal

I could cope with that.

No photos allowed - no mobiles allowed - so no pictures of our particular delights. We were a little late so the bar was a little busy and noisy with after work people. In the afternoon, it is very genteel and peaceful, perfect for a pot of tea. It calmed down later, but I enjoyed people gazing while I devoured my chips, washed down with champagne at £17.95 a glass.

I asked our host if this was her office as she'd been there three times that week and was known by name by the staff. She said: I think that if I sit here and soak up the ambience, somehow I'll acquire the lifestyle and the money to support it.

I could see why lottery winners of millions of pounds had run out of money without even trying. It would be easy to do if you spent your time in this kind of place and with these kind of people. I wondered if they knew you could stay at the Hangar Lane Premier Inn for just the £29.50 on a Thursday night.

All in all, it was a lovely, relaxing experience on a beautiful early summer's evening. The only moment of anxiety was when of the beautiful servers went to take a bowl with a few chips left in the bottom. We were torn, should we let food leave the table? But it was okay, we realised that we were adults now, we were full, and there was plenty more food, even if these few chips escaped.

The business meeting? ... an offer I really need to think about.

The Goring Hotel
15 Beeston Place, London, SW1W 0JW
Afternoon tea with Bollinger from £62
Book a night in advance from £315

It has a five-star rating and if you want an occasional dip into luxury, it has to be one of the nicest hotels to visit. Maybe for a wedding or a birthday?

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