The Sexual Vulnerability and Reflection Men Rarely Talk About

raymondspeaks (69)in #mancave • 6 years ago

Ever heard of two can Dan? You know? Every guy on the planet must have one of those friends. He or she has two cans of beer and that’s him or her out for the night?

Well, I was two thrusts Raymond.

Yep, I was one of those selfish men that cared not what women wanted in bed, but only what I wanted. The climax. The orgasm, the busting a nut, the whatever the popular reference for orgasming, and not giving a flying fuck what my partner wanted. Of course, you know, I’d always pretend to myself that I did whatever I could to please my partner beforehand, but it was never near enough If I was truly honest with myself.

I’m Sooo caring about others in bed I would lie to myself. The sad thing was that as soon as those vaginal lips gripped the shaft of my penis I was almost at the point of no return. No kidding, I had almost convinced myself that there was something wrong with men who could last 3 hours in the bedroom and that premature ejaculation was a thing women made up because they were able to have multiple orgasms.

I read a post on the Violet Butterfly titled “Why I find safe sex with men much more difficult than with women” and it’s inspired me to write this. You see, as well as being a two thrust and a squirt kind of guy I was also the king of giving excuses when it came to wearing a condom. You name it, I had an excuse for it. I think I overheard my friends talking about how much nicer sex without a condom feels, and that was me fairly set up for life. Sex was to be had without a condom and it was the woman’s responsibility to have protection. That way it’s nice for both of us, right?

Well, I wasn’t leading any women into multiple orgasms that’s for sure, so there’s that. There was also the whole issue of not being able to hold off for longer than one minute, so there’s that too. Seems to me like heterosexual women get a pretty bum deal, right?

I feel I’m learning all the time as I grow and expand as a human being. I’ll fully concur that in heterosexual circles some of us brag about no-condom sex and that it’s the way to go. That it feels so much nicer. My face has always fitted so I would always be hanging with the popular dudes and rubbing off on what they said and what they did – I had learned by my late twenties that most of it is just a bunch of toxic bullshit though, masked through an iron clad door of fear, insecurity, and worthlessness.

Let’s be a bit vulnerable here – I feel really cheated out of my childhood and teens. I had a Dad that didn’t care one iota if I lived or died, and a stand-in Dad that stepped up to the mark but shortly died of cancer afterward. I had literally zero education on any sex whatsoever from any men. The closest I came to any sort of advice was my mother’s work colleague that was trying to get into her pants give me some condoms as we were off to holiday in Portugal. I had zero influence about anything sexual whatsoever. Mum tried, but I was just too mortified.

The first time I lost my virginity, I climbed on top of her quickly and shot deep inside her, with no condom, and no knowledge of the risks I was taking. I still cold sweat today that I’ve fathered another child somewhere. I’ll be honest and say that I’ve not had many partners and that I can count them on one hand, but that’s not to say that I don’t wake up in the middle of the night in fear of past mistakes.

My wife saw me as a project when we first met. My idea of sex was a means to an end, a generic feel-good experience that didn’t last too long. I’ll never quite forget the first time she told me to stop doing what I was doing because she didn’t like it. It took me back somewhat, I’d never been told before that my rhythm was shit.

She was ruthless with me, whenever she wanted me to last that little bit longer her muscles would be as loose as possible; she’d arch her legs in a way that I couldn’t fully penetrate her, and she’d ask me to kiss her and fondle her more; to play with her, to discover her.

Yes, and when she wanted me to cum like a demon she’d squeeze those muscles like she couldn’t squeeze any harder and I’d erupt like Krakatoa. There have been a few times when I’ve quite literally nearly passed out from climaxing too much. I’ve experienced multiple orgasms. I can now because I was trained to. Slowly but surely, I was coaxed into giving more than I received.

Later I learned that sex was so much more than the physical; it is body, mind, and soul. I can’t describe it but it’s no longer a generic behaviour now, it’s so much more. It’s a way to connect like I have never been connected to someone before.

In my eyes, it’s love.

I feel I’m lucky. I feel I met a strong enough lady that was capable of staying with me as I learned and grew as a person. When she met me, I was eager to learn, and boy did I learn. Sometimes the really hard way. Yet I feel there isn’t enough education about sex, and love, and personal worth. When I was 13 I was shown a video at school that was more like a 70’s romcom than a sex education lesson. Most of the cool kids laughed and giggled through it for me to properly learn anything anyway.

I feel not enough is being done in this world when it comes to education on sex. I’ll agree that everything is super respectable in the LGBT community, and most of the people that I know from that domain are super respectful, mindful and aware.

It’s time some of us heterosexual men really started to look inwardly. It baffles me that there actually needs to be videos on consent for adults.