THE KEYS TO HAVING A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

Hello my fellow steemians, this is @hermannsol and today i am so excited to talk on a practical normal life phenomenon; **Marriage. So many of us know a lot about marriage and it is not a strange topic of discussion nowadays. In fact, most people out there dream to get marriage which is a good thing but getting married is only the start of a long journey called marriage. My lecturer who teaches Clinical pharmacology puts marriage as:

The only school that you get your certificate before starting the program

Mr. Joseph

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I am not married myself and i am just 22years; so you might ask: what does he know about marriage?. You are right somehow but what you don't know is, i am one of the very few young people that think about marriage and are preparing and working so hard towards having a successful one; so i will say in my pursuit of knowledge about marriage; i have gained a lot from so many people who have had experiences in marriage. This is not to say marriage is thesame for everyone but rather marriage works with the principle of relativity. The marriage process varies with every couple but what is important in marriage is; they mistakes many couples out there make or face in marriage are very similar so grabbing appropriate knowledge about their experiences does not entail or mean that you will have thesame experience as them but prepares you to avoid or face them in more appropriate ways if you encounter them in your marriage. So many people laugh at me when i talk so much about marriage and having a successful one at that. I remember in my youth meeting in church when i raised the idea of the pastor and other elders in our church to create a forum where they can educate, mentor or talk to us on marriage. Everyone seemed so shocked and so many laughed at it but i was not moved. Instead i was more determined to go to them on an individual base if the group reject the idea because i knew what i wanted and gaining knowledge from them was my focus.
So knowledge about marriage is very important because the minute you decide to step into something you have no idea about or not prepared for is doomed for failure already. That is why i think young people should start thinking on these things, planning on the kind of marriage life you want to have and working towards it. They say :

If you want to cut down a big tree with an axe, take most of the time to sharpen the axe and you will bring down the tree within a short time.

In that same light, if you want to have a successful marriage in the future, it is not wise to sit down and wait for that time to come before you start preparing for it. The time to prepare and work towards it is now. That might sound funny, but is the truth because the reason why 75% of the marriages out there are failing so much is because of lack of preparation. They were not prepared because some did not even know what they were getting into and in their excitement just jumped into the boat and realized the bitter truth only inside the whole thing.
Marriage is a good thing and one to enjoy and not to endure. You can choose what you want your marriage to look like and that can only be if you start working towards it. With all this said, let us now get a few tips on having that successful marriage:

1, Knowledge and Preparation

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There is no need to stress on the importance of knowledge about marriage again. It is very important to know what you are getting into before you say *** I do***. Most people especially young couples are always so carried away by love, obsessions and excitement that they go into marriage without knowledge of what it entails and with this inadequate preparation, you hear them voicing their regrets and pushing for a divorce and you begin to ask why?
We should endeavour to read books on marriage, go to people that have had a successful marriage and get their advice and some tips from them, acquire knowledge and a deep understanding of the good days and bad days of marriage, the mountain and valley moments, the good and the hard times so that you can better handle them when they come. It is only with adequate preparation that you will be able to handle the pressure that will arise when these issues arise in marriage. Especially to young couples who are not mature enough to handle some tough situations. It is a must to know all these things and to be prepared to face them because trust me; they will come and when they catch you unawares then the outcome will be fatal. So young people, acquire as much as you can when it comes to marriage. Look at your parents, pick up something or lessons from their marital life, ammend their mistakes and use them to your own benefit so that you don't make them in your own marital life. This i believe will aid you in having a very successful marriage.
Remember the determinant factor is not standing together in the good times but rather standing together in the bad times.
So please, don't fail to prepare because if you do then you are preparing to fail.

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2, Patience

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Most people out there want that right person for us but we are not patient. We feel the urge to meet them right away and just jump into marriage. That is quite bad because such people in their haste jump in with the wrong person. Don't be in a hurry to get married. Marriage is a lifelong issue and you need to be very careful who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Even when you meet someone and you feel this is the right person or maybe you think you are both good for each other, or you feel you love him and will want to marry him; this is still not enough. Go through a period of courtship, get to know each other very deeply, in and out. Sometimes i even suggest you pay surprised visits just to see them or see what he/she looks like or how she presents him/herself when he/she is not expecting you. For me, i believe this is the best time to truly know the person because for all you know, he/she might pretend everytime he/she knows you are coming. So all i am saying is make use of the courtship period and get to know your partner in and out. Your courtship can take as long as possible just to ensure that you all know each other very well and are certain that you both want to spend the rest of your lives together. So if you want a successful marriage then you must learn to exercise what i call the 3 Rights of Patience which are: Right person, Right circumstance and Right time.

3, Accept the whole being of your partner.

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This is a difficult one and most people find it very difficult to handle this one. Marriage entails you accepting your partner in their whole being. So many couples out there accepted only the positive side of their partners and getting into marriage, they discovered the negative side they don't want and so can hardly handle it. You need to accept your partner's whole being and being his spouse, it is your duty to turn him/her or atleast do your best into bringing out the best in them and changing the negative part of them. Instead of just nagging and throwing hurtful words, you need to get serious and work on the negative aspects of your spouse or that my friend is what you will be getting for breakfast, lunch and supper. If you don't work on it so that you enjoy your marriage, you will have to learn to live with it to endure your marriage. The choice is yours and yours alone to make. I know it is hard; women are kind of mouthy, fragile, so emotional,romantic and very nagging and men on the other hand are the ones with the straying eyes, consumed with work, always busy but if you want that marriage to work you need to work together on some of these things. Work on it as a couple to make sure that you both mend each other's weaknesses and make your marriage work even as hard as it may be.

4, Trust.

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I kind of laughed so much when a lady in a movie was giving her husband attitude for days because he was smiling with a female customer while attending to her at his sales store. I was kind of like seriously and then i realized that's the world today. We live in a world that trust is something that is slowly fading away amongst individuals, couples, families, communities etc. This is so detrimental in marriage because it is a very important element in establishing peace in the marriage. Once there is that feeling of mistrust, doubt for each other in marriage, then the whole thing will become that where the couples point accusing fingers at each other everyday. Suspicion will accumulate and you will think nothing good of your partner. This is a very important point in marriage. I always say to myself that the woman i am going to marry, i will want to trust her so much that even if i met her in awkward circumstances, i will not judge her immediately but still give her a chance to explain it all first. The truth is, without trust amongst couples, nothing will work out, you will always be filled with doubts no matter how true and sincere your partner might seem. You become so paranoid that you might actually lose your mind. So please, trust is not an element you want missing in your relationship, in fact the whole thing is centered around trust. Many couples have destroyed great relationships because of their lack of trust for their spouses and many quick and wrong judgments they made out of mistrust.

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5, God.

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Most people fail to acknowledge the most important factor of their relationship which is God. God is the one who instituted marriage and even said in his word that "*he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing" and is so interested in helping us in our marriage life because it is his delight to see us succeed and have a happy family filled with his love but unfortunately, many couples out there have kept God out of their marriages and are struggling and trying all they can to make it work. There is one that will always come to destroy that which is good. That is the devil and i tell you he is against everything good and if marriage is a good thing then for sure it is one of his targets. You need God's help to protect and keep your marriage, even so you need him to run the whole thing for you, let him lead you in your marriage. Acknowledge that you need him and commit your marriage into his hands and i believe he will not let it fail because nothing ever entrusted into his hands has ever failed. So i tell you, you need God in your marriage if it must be successful.

So my dear friends, i say this especially to all young people here on the platform who have dreams of having a successful marriage, this is my advice to you: Nothing good in life comes easy and marriage being a good thing is one of those things that require prompt preparation and work. It is not just a simple thing as many put it where you just get up, meet someone, fall in love and live happily ever after. No, that is in the movies; face reality and get to understand it for what it truly is. I am so moved to see so many marriages failing and the divorce cases increasing everyday. That is why i think the time is now to know all and grab as much as possible i can on marriage at this point. We need to be prepared for our marital futures and make our decision to enjoy like very few or endure like most. I choose to enjoy my marriage and that is why i am bent on making it work and having a successful marriage is what i want and that i will get. Many people have told me that i am too young to be thinking about marriage now but to me i think no one should be considered too young to acquire knowledge he will one day need.

Don't get me wrong, i am not preparing to get married but i am preparing to have a successful marriage.