Does It Matter? It Doesn't.

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I have been learning a lot from Leke Alder recently and i can categorically say that man has depth. What a man he is. I will share some of his thoughts as well as mine in this post.

Marriage is a very delicate issue. It brings out the best or your worst. Whatever you have hidden underneath gets magnified where marriage is concerned.

There are some tiny details that we shouldn't concern ourselves with because it doesn't really matter but because we give more attention to it by focusing too much on it, it becomes a big deal and those tiny details can lead to big issues which can derail the marriage or your relationship.

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You can't always agree with everything, and there will always be a difference in your perspectives, which is why we have vocalized consensus and unvocalized one; which is your view point, which happens in your own head.

When you give a man and a woman the same set of facts, they will always see things differently based on their gender. No matter how close you both are, you can not always see things the same way.

Accommodating your partner matters a lot. You have to make allowances for your partners errors. You have to be able to forgive in advance. When you accommodate your partner, it won't allow minor issues to generate into a robust one because most of these difference in opinions are as a result of minor issues, which if care is not taken it will grow into irritation towards your partner and most of the times, we read unnecessarily meanings to things based on what is going on in our own life; unmatched expectation, unrealized dream, unattained pace, etc. We need to be able to separate what goes on in our head with what we face with our spouse.

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We need to have a core value. The core value might be derived from either our exposure, experience, religious text or even from what we have come to see or learn from our partner. It is this core belief that will stand us in good stead when their off days come knocking. If as a partner, you have a core value that your partner loves you, regardless of whatever happens, this builds up a sense of security in you and when your partner is having an off day, you can always tell yourself "It doesn't matter. It is not about me but about a situation", because you are speaking based on what you know rather than what you are seeing presently.

Another example is, if you know your partner has a sense of responsibility, you know he doesn't joke with school fees, you know she gets things done on time, etc... so, when something happens that makes those things impossible for a certain moment, you know it is just a bleep. You won't need to speak harshly because you will understand the situation better since you know your partner to be responsible.

As partners, both need to be teachable. You must be humble enough to show willingness to learn. You must be open to learning. Every partner need this. Marriage is a learning curve. You learn about yourself, even things you didn't know and you learn about your partner on things you never knew. You have to continuously learn where marriage is concerned. You come to realization of things about yourself and your partner in difficult moments.

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There are some things that doesn't really matter in marriage. We focus more on the minors and neglect the fundamentals. We shouldn't let the inconsequential define our marriage. Once we learn of any negative attitude we should seek to make corrections instead. We have to keep going at it: learning and seeking to improve every day. We all seek love and happiness in our relationship and marriage is about continuous improvement in the quest for peace, love and joy.

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My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks, with speed and ease.

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My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.

Olawalium; (Love's chemical content, in human form). Take a dose today: doctor's order.