can he handle your success in the game of life(Marriage) #4

Here are some questions I want you to ponder on:

How does he treat people younger or less privileged to him? He can disguise how he treats you for now, but after the wedding some people bring out their true character. So sometimes you have to learn to look at his relationship with others to truly determine the treatment you may get. One who disrespects people lower than him will eventually disrespect you – it is his nature.

How does he spend his free time? This will show you where his true passion lies. Because he is chasing after you now, he will spend more time with you. So don’t use the time you spend together to measure this.

The activities you do together now can show the direction of your marriage. If you play games to relax you will do well to observe the following:

How does he behave when you win him in his favourite game? How does he behave when he is winning you in his favourite game? How does he behave when he is winning you at your favourite game? These are clear indicators of how he will respond in the real challenges of life. Does he rub it in when he is winning or is he kind and gentle with his remarks? Does he stop the game when you are winning? It is pride in him. It means he probably can’t take you being more successful than he is.

Has he taught you any challenging skill – like driving or playing a complex game or music instrument? If he has, was he patient when you made mistakes or is he easily exasperated? The closer you get the easier for the frustration to show. Most men can’t teach their wife without shouting. They are suffering from the curse of knowledge, forgetting that what seems so easy for them was once difficult when they were learning.

On the other hand, have you taken him into the kitchen to teach him how to cook anything? Watch his body language. The idea is not to turn him into a domestic help but to get him into a zone that is not his natural bent. When people get out of their comfort zone, they reveal hidden qualities (good and/or bad).

When he fights with you, how does it go? Does he keep reminding you of a mistake you did 2 years ago even after telling you he has forgiven? Does he bribe you when he is the one in the wrong but will insist that you talk things over when you are the one in the wrong? Your fights now are easy things. Trust me. Both of you can walk away with the anger and before you see each other again the temper would have cooled off. Married people don’t have that luxury – they have to live with the anger and pain under the same roof and sometimes on the same bed. So know his fighting style well before you say “I do.”

When he borrows your money does he pay back or expects you to understand?
Do you also pay him back when you borrow his money? It is called integrity.

There are a thousand of these questions to ask and answer. Unfortunately, I have come to the end of the page and can’t write anymore.

One final thought: Marriage doesn’t change anyone. It only reveals the fault lines and weaknesses in the partners because of pressure. Anything you can’t put up with now will only get worse after the wedding. Someone struggling with anger will get more angry. Someone struggling with insecurity will feel more insecure. You and your spouse must be very emotionally mature.

When emotions get in the way, you can’t hear from God; you can’t see what everyone else is seeing. So I will give you the cure to that in my next post.

I am praying for you.

Song 8: 7
Flood waters can’t drown love,
torrents of rain can’t put it out.
Love can’t be bought, love can’t be sold—
it’s not to be found in the marketplace. (MSG)